Today we take a hard look at the 5 toughest questions for men. 

1. What are you thinking about?  2. Do you love me?  3. Do I look fat?  4. Do you think she is prettier than me? 5. What would you do if I died?   What makes these questions so difficult is that each one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (i.e. tells the truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is analyzed below, along with possible responses.

Question # 1: What are you thinking about?
The proper answer to this, of course, is: “I’m sorry if I’ve been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you.”   This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following:  a. Baseball.  b. Football.  c. How fat you are. d. How much prettier she is than you. e. How I would spend the insurance money if you died.  (Perhaps the best response to this question was

offered by Al Bundy, who once told his wife Peg, “If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to you!”)

Question # 2: Do you love me?
The proper response is: “YES!” or, if you feel a more detailed answer is in order, “Yes, dear.” Inappropriate responses include: a. Oh Yeah, loads. b. Would it make you feel better if I said yes? c. That depends on what you mean by love.  d. Does it matter? e. Who, me?

Question # 3: Do I look fat?
The correct answer is an emphatic: “Of course not!” Among the incorrect answers are:
a. Compared to what? b. I wouldn’t call you fat, but you’re not exactly thin. c. A little extra weight looks good on you. d. I’ve seen fatter. e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

Question # 4: Do you think she’s prettier than me?
Once again, the proper response is always: “Of course not!” Incorrect responses include:
a. Yes, but you have a better personality. b. Not prettier, but definitely thinner. c. Not as pretty as you when you were her age. d. Define pretty.. e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about  how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

Question# 5: What would you do if I died? A definite no-win question.
(The real answer, of course, is “Buy a Corvette!“).  I hope this has been helpful to the many men in the world, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Also ladies please remember Don’t shoot the messenger! HAVE A WONDERFUL WEDNESDAY PEOPLE! And whatever you do,don’t forget to LAFF IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!