Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

funny-grumpy-cat-hates-you-when-you-are-talking
WELCOME to Wednesday October 10, 2018.

Today we take a hard look at the 5 toughest questions for men. 
1. What are you thinking about?  2. Do you love me?  3. Do I look fat?  4. Do you think she is prettier than me? 5. What would you do if I died?   What makes these questions so difficult is that each one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (i.e. tells the truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is analyzed below, along with possible responses.

Question # 1: What are you thinking about?
The proper answer to this, of course, is: “I’m sorry if I’ve been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you.”   This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following:  a. Baseball.  b. Football.  c. How fat you are. d. How much prettier she is than you. e. How I would spend the insurance money if you died.  (Perhaps the best response to this question was

offered by Al Bundy, who once told his wife Peg, “If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to you!”)

Question # 2: Do you love me?
The proper response is: “YES!” or, if you feel a more detailed answer is in order, “Yes, dear.” Inappropriate responses include: a. Oh Yeah, loads. b. Would it make you feel better if I said yes? c. That depends on what you mean by love.  d. Does it matter? e. Who, me?

Question # 3: Do I look fat?
The correct answer is an emphatic: “Of course not!” Among the incorrect answers are:
a. Compared to what? b. I wouldn’t call you fat, but you’re not exactly thin. c. A little extra weight looks good on you. d. I’ve seen fatter. e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

Question # 4: Do you think she’s prettier than me?
Once again, the proper response is always: “Of course not!” Incorrect responses include:
a. Yes, but you have a better personality. b. Not prettier, but definitely thinner. c. Not as pretty as you when you were her age. d. Define pretty.. e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about  how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

Question# 5: What would you do if I died? A definite no-win question.
(The real answer, of course, is “Buy a Corvette!“).  I hope this has been helpful to the many men in the world, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Also ladies please remember Don’t shoot the messenger! HAVE A WONDERFUL WEDNESDAY PEOPLE! And whatever you do,don’t forget to LAFF IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!


DAILY QUOTES…


“I knew of no instruction manual for reaching a higher level of humanity and a greater wisdom. But I felt intuitively that laughter was the beginning of wisdom, as is was indispensable for survival.”
― Ingrid Betancourt

“Laughter with those that understand us is music for the soul.  A hug at the right moment and a kind shoulder to lean on, Is the sprinkle of magic that keeps us walking towards hope.” ― Mimi Novic

“The more stressful the job, the more intentional I’ve always been about helping my team members find joy in our work. Laughter is the outward manifestation of joy, so I believe if I’m doing it right, and helping people connect to the meaning and joy in their work, there will be laughter in the workplace. Laughter is also a good indication that people aren’t taking themselves too seriously.”  ― James Comey,

“The weak or the majority choose comfortable chaos, the wise man laughs.”
― Chris Morgan (SON)

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

Two young women went into a furniture store and asked to be
directed to the sofa department. The salesman who greeted them
was a chauvinistic good ol’ boy who knew that his chances of
making a sale were always much better when dealing with a
married couple. Still, he reluctantly began showing them the
sofas, settees and love seats.

“What we’re really looking for is an upholstered footstool
that’s long and wide,” one woman admitted.

“Oh, I might have known,” responded the salesman, “but I don’t
think either of you are going to be able to find anything like
that. I’ve always felt a woman can’t get a long width ottoman.”😐😱😁😎

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? 

“You don’t wanna marry me.”
“Why don’t you love me, Jenny? I’m not a smart man, but I know what love is.”

ANSWER: Forrest Gump! In this scene Forrest (Tom Hanks) has asked Jenny (Robin Wright) to marry him and adds “I’d make a good husband, Jenny.”  She agrees, but says the first line. Forrest comments with the second. “Forrest Gump” won Best Picture in the 1995 Academy Awards and Tom Hanks won Best Actor in a Leading Role for his portrayal of Forrest Gump. The movie follows the life of low-I.Q. Forrest, including his accidental experiences with some of the most important people and events in America from the late 1950s through the 1970s, and his encounters with the love of his life, Jenny. Chevy Chase turned down the role of Forrest.

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???

“I can’t swim.”
“Are you crazy? The fall will probably kill ya.”

TODAY’S TRIVIA GODDESS AWARD OF THE DAY GOES TO MS. KIM HILLYARD! 🙏🙏🙇🙇🙅

Tuesday’s Quizzer is…….

The following is an advertisement for a common item. The ad agency, however, is trying to entice buyers by making
the item sound more impressive than it really is. Can you tell what is being sold here?

DEFY GRAVITY!
As you command water – or any liquid – to flow upwards! Could you be tampering with the secrets of the Earth?

Your friends will be amazed! Just $1.99.
Answer: The item being advertised is a straw. 

 

Wednesday’s Quizzer is…

In these Word Pyramids, the first letter is given to you (which is the first answer). Use the clues to build the pyramid to
find the answer. In each consecutive answer, a letter is added to the previous answer. However, the answer letters
might not be in the same order. Good Luck!!

Starting letter: A

Clues:

1. sodium
2. one, some, every, or all
3. greenish blue
4. careful and shrewd
5. Grand ——


LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

LINKS: http://www.slampi.org., http://www.hopeBUILD.org. www.GodLovesPraise.com. CHECK OUT MY BOOK online at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FF669PT/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1531337765&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Banquet+Servers+Hand+Guide#

Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store

 

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