WELCOME to Friday October 12, 2018.
2. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist’s Novocain during root canal work? He wanted to transcend dental medication.
3. Did you hear about the constipated composer? He couldn’t finish the last movement.
4. Did you hear about the woman who escaped from the back of a police car? She was arrested for reading palms. She escaped because she was very short, only 4′ 6″ tall. The headline in the local newspaper read: ‘Short Medium at Large.’
5. Diet slogan: Are You Going The Wrong Weight.
6. Dieting is a matter of life and breedth
7. Doc, I can’t stop singing ‘The green, green grass of home.’ That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. Is it common? It’s not unusual😐
8. Doctor Evil cloned himself again. This time created a full size version of himself. He was charged with “Bigger Me.”😁
9. Doctors tell us there are over seven million people who are overweight. These, of course, are only round figures.
And in the grand tradition of saving the best for last…10. Does the name Pavlov ring a bell? HAVE A WONDERFUL WEEKEND PEOPLE! And whatever you do, don’t forget to LAFF IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
take seriously.” –Peter Ustinov
“I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I’m gonna
put pins into all the locations that I’ve traveled to. But
first, I’m gonna have to travel to the top two corners of
the map so it won’t fall down.” –Mitch Hedberg
“No problem is so formidable that you can’t walk away from
it.” –Charles M. Schulz
“What the world needs is more geniuses with humility, there
are so few of us left.” –Oscar Levant
“To be stupid, selfish, and have good health are three
requirements for happiness, though if stupidity is lacking,
all is lost.” –Gustave Flaubert
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
The sergeant said: “We have a critical shortage of typists.
I’ll give you a little test. Type this,” he ordered, giving
him a pamphlet to copy and a sheet of paper, and pointing to
a desk across the room that held a typewriter and an adding
The soldier, quite reluctant to become a clerk typist, made
a point of typing very slowly, and saw to it that his work
contained as many errors as possible.
The sergeant gave the typed copy only a brief glance. “That’s
fine,” he said. “Report for work at 8 tomorrow.”
“But aren’t you going to check the test?” the prospective
clerk asked. The sergeant grinned.
“You passed the test,” he replied, “when you sat down at the
typewriter instead of at the adding machine.”
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “Open the pod bay doors, HAL.” “I’m sorry, Dave. I’m afraid I can’t do that.”
ANSWER: 2001: A Space Odyssey! In this scene space ship Discovery is on its way to Jupiter to learn about the origins of a back monolith, discovered on Earth’s moon. Astronaut Dr. Dave Bowman (Keir Dullea) has just requested that the HAL-9000 computer running things on the spaceship let him back aboard after a space walk by speaking the first line. However HAL is attempting to take over the spacecraft and refuses to open the air lock. It speaks the second line (voice by Douglas Rain). “2001: A Space Odyssey” won the 1969 Academy Award for Best Visual Effects and was nominated for three other awards, including Best Writing, Story and Screenplay – Written Directly for the Screen (by director Stanley Kubrick and author Arthur C. Clarke).
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “It’s funny, you know. It’s a good story, it’s funny, you’re a funny guy.” “What do you mean, you mean the way I talk?”
Thursday’s Quizzer is…….
Yet I’m seen only when all around me is cold.
For most of the time you just live and ignore me;
Then you gasp for me, stop for me, mutter below me.
You might say, in surprise, I’ve been taken away,
But it’s true I’ve been with you, at least ’til today.
When I leave you, you leave too!
Who am I?
Everyone draws breath, and it is seen on icy days.
We breathe subconsciously, but might gasp or stop for breath. We mutter “under our breath” at times.
We might say our breath is “taken away” but we have it as long as we live – until we “leave” this world!
Friday’s Quizzer is……
1. Our – Start
2. Strip – Tumble
3. Clause – Idea
4. Cash – Broom
5. Plight – Lam
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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