WELCOME to Friday October 19, 2018.
1. Most people keep a scrapbook of newspaper cuttings – especially if any of their family or friends has died in a strange boating accident.
2. If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick’s Day parade at any time of the year.
3. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involved martial arts – your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessor.
4. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.
5. It’s easy for anyone to land a plane, providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
6. Cars and trucks that crash will almost always burst into flames.
7. The ventilation system of any building is a perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building without difficulty.
8. All single women have a cat.
9. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.
10. When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
11. Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning, even though the husband and children never have time to eat them.
12. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
13. During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
14. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
15. It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.
16. Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.
17. If there is a deranged killer on the loose, this will coincide with a thunderstorm that has brought down all the power and phone lines in the vicinity.
18. If a killer is lurking in your house, it’s easy to find him. Just relax and run a bath.
19. Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
“A new study reveals that the average fast-food chicken nugget is almost 60 percent fat. The study also says that the average fast-food customer is almost 60 percent chicken nuggets.” -Conan O’Brien
“According to a new report, there is a shrine in Japan solely dedicated to hemorrhoids. Seating is limited, but usually available.” -Seth Meyers
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
The school where he had been a Principal the previous year had used a check-out system only slightly less elaborate than that at Fort Knox.
Cautiously, he asked the school’s long time Custodian, “Do you think it’s wise to keep the stock room unlocked and to let the teachers take things without requisitions?”
The Custodian looked at him gravely. “We trust them with the children, don’t we?”😐
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “William Wallace is seven feet tall.” “Yes, I’ve heard. Kills men by the hundreds.”
ANSWER: Braveheart! In this scene William Wallace (Mel Gibson) addresses his troops just before a big battle with English troops. Wallace says, “Sons of Scotland! I am William Wallace.” One of the soldiers isn’t sure he really is Wallace and says the first line. Wallace replies with the second. This is the mostly true story of William Wallace, a commoner (although one source says he was a Scottish lord) who unites 13th-century Scotland in its battle to overthrow English rule (although documentation about the details is sketchy, at best). “Braveheart” won Best Picture in the 1996 Academy Awards and Mel Gibson won an Oscar for Best Director.
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
Thursday’s Quizzer is…….
Friday’s Quizzer is……
Example: plo___, tho___, to___ would be plough, though, tough.
1. c___, forw___, rew___
2. cr___, p___, sk___
3. b___, d___, g___
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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