Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Monday October 22, 2018.

Here’s the question, how cold is cold?

At 60 Californians put on sweaters (if they can find one),

at 50 Miami residents turn on the heat,

at 40 You can see your breath, Californians shiver, uncontrollably,

Minnesotans go swimming,

at 35 Italian cars don’t start,

at 32 Water freezes,

at 30 You plan your vacation to Australia,

at 25 Boston water freezes, Californians weep pitiably, Minnesotans eat ice cream, Canadians go swimming,

at 20 Politicians begin to talk about the homeless, New York City water freezes, Miami residents plan vacation further South,

at 15 French cars don’t start, Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you,

at 10 You need jumper cables to get the car going,

at 5 American cars don’t start,

at 0 Alaskans put on T-shirts,

at -10 German cars don’t start, Eyes freeze shut when you blink,

at -15 You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo, Arkansans stick tongue on metal objects, Miami residents cease to exist,

at -20 Cat insists on sleeping in pajamas with you, Politicians actually do something about the homeless, Minnesotans shovel snow off roof, Japanese cars don’t start,

at -25 Too cold to think, You need jumper cables to get the driver going,

at -30 You plan a two week hot bath, Swedish cars don’t start,

at-40 Californians disappear, Minnesotans button top button, Canadians put on sweaters,

Your car helps you plan your trip South,

at -50 Congressional hot air freezes, Alaskans close the bathroom window,

at -80 Hell freezes over, Polar bears move South and in the grand tradition of saving the best for last at -90 Lawyers put their hands in their own pockets.

That’s my story and I’m sticking too it! HAVE A GREAT MONDAY PEOPLE!

And whatever you do, don’t forget to LAFF IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

DAILY QUOTES…

“A new study finds that having acne could be a good thing because it protects your skin from aging. And then teenagers were like, ‘Right now it just feels like it’s protecting me from girls.'” -Jimmy Fallon

“Over the weekend, a 102-year-old woman got herself arrested so she could check that off of her bucket list. Now, it all seems like a cute story until you learn that the arrest was for triple homicide.” -Conan O’Brien

“Paris Hilton just bought an $8,000 Chihuahua. The dog weighs 12 ounces. I’ve eaten hot dogs that weigh more than 12 ounces. That’s not even officially a dog, that’s a hamster; she spent eight grand on a hamster.” -Jimmy Kimmel

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

Useless Inventions.
1. Non stick Cellotape
2. Solar Powered Flash Light
3. A black highlighter pen
4. Glow in the dark sunglasses
5. Inflatable Anchor
6. Smooth Sandpaper
7. Waterproof sponge
8. Waterproof Teabags
9. AC adapter for Solar powered calculators
10. Fireproof Matches
11. Fireproof Cigarettes
12. Battery powered Battery Charger
13. Seatbelts for Motorbikes
14. Hand powered Chainsaw
15. Inflatable Dartboard
16. Silent Alarm Clock
17. A Pedal powered wheelchair
18. Braille Drivers Manual
19. Double sided playing cards
20. Ejector seats for Helicopters

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “Sir, you are no gentleman.” “And you, miss, are no lady.”

ANSWER: Gone with the Wind! In this scene Scarlett O’Hara (Vivien Leigh) has just learned her crush on Ashley Wilkes (Leslie Howard) is not reciprocated by his feelings for her. She is in a room she thinks is empty and throws a vase against a wall to express her displeasure. Rhett Butler (Clark Gable) is dozing on a sofa whose back is to Scarlett and sits up at the sound of the crashing vase. Scarlett is aghast at having a witness to her temper tantrum and says the first line. Rhett replies with the second line. In the 1940 Academy Awards “Gone with the Wind” won nine Oscars, including Best Picture, Vivien Leigh for Best Actress in a Leading Role, and Hattie McDaniel for Best Actress in a Supporting Role. Clark Gable and Olivia de Havilland were nominated for Oscars but did not win.

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???

“What’s the T-shirt say?”
“I am a bomb technician. If you see me running, try to catch up.”

Friday’s Quizzer is…….

In each group below, the three words end in the same three letters, so they look like they should rhyme,

but they don’t. See if you can figure out the missing letters in each group.
Example: plo___, tho___, to___ would be plough, though, tough.

1. c___, forw___, rew___
2. cr___, p___, sk___
3. b___, d___, g___

Answer: 1. card, forward, reward
2. crier, pier, skier
3. bone, done, gone

Tuesday’s Quizzer is……

After Andrew had been sick for a week, he asked his best friend Jesse to get his books out of his locker. Instead of

telling Jesse the three number combination Andrew said he kept a small piece of paper with the combination under his locker door.

After school Jesse went to Andrew’s locker and pulled the paper. On the paper was written:
24 24 22 9 9 9 9 22 24 22 9 9.

Thinking this would be easy but a little tedious, Jesse entered in every arrangement of 24, 22, and 9 there was without

the lock opening. Realizing there was something behind these numbers that he wasn’t noticing, Jesse sat down for

a few minutes to think it out. After ten minutes of intense thinking, Jesse went to the locker,

entered the combination into the lock and it opened.

What was the combination?

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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