Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Wednesday November 14, 2018. 

HERE’S THE STORY.

In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

Then using God’s great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry’s Ice Cream and Krispy Crème Donuts. And Satan said, “You want chocolate with that?” And Man said, “Yes!” and Woman said, “And as long as you’re at it, add some sprinkles.” And they gained 10 pounds. And Satan smiled.

And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat and sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 6 to size 14. So God said, “Try my fresh green salad.” And Satan presented Thousand-Island Dressing, buttery croutons and garlic

toast on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.

God then said, “I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them.” And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof. God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it “Angel Food Cake,” and said, “It is good.” Satan then created chocolate cake and named it “Devil’s Food.”

God then brought forth running shoes so that His children might lose those extra pounds. And Satan gave us the internet, computers,

and cable TV with remote controls so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering blue light and gained pounds.

Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them. And Man gained pounds.

God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite. And Satan created Popeye’s Fried Chicken and McDonald’s with its 99-cent double cheeseburger. Then said, “You want fries with that?” And Man replied, “Yes! And super size them!” And Satan said, “It is good.” And Man went into cardiac arrest.  God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery. Then Satan created HMOs.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! HAVE A WONDERFUL WEDNESDAY PEOPLE!

Whatever you do, don’t forget to LAFF IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

DAILY QUOTES…
“A new study suggests that ancient cave art from 40,000 years ago was mostly done by women. So even back then men didn’t have a say in decorating.” -Jimmy Fallon

“There’s an event company that specializes in fake weddings. The idea is that many young people don’t want to get married but they do want a wedding, so the company puts on a fake ceremony and a fake reception. I can’t imagine writing ‘Will attend’ on an RSVP for a fake wedding. There are already weddings for people  who don’t want to get married – they’re called weddings.” -Jimmy Kimmel

“The FDA is currently debating whether the chocolate hazelnut topping Nutella should be classified as a dessert or a spread. Which is ridiculous. Nutella isn’t a dessert or a spread, it’s a cry for help.” -James Corden

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

A man by the name of Tates designed the very first compass
for large-scale production and sale in the United States.
It was a very significant achievement, but alas, it proved
not to be too reliable and many people who relied on it
became hopelessly lost. It did however, cause a saying which
is very much in use today to be developed…

He who has a Tates is lost.😱😁😎

 


Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? 

“Tell me I’m a good man.”
“You ARE.”

ANSWER: Saving Private Ryan!n the events leading up to this scene, Captain John Miller (Tom Hanks) and a squad of soldiers in World War II are sent to try and locate Private James Ryan (Matt Damon) after a clerk notices his three brothers have recently been killed. However, Ryan does not want to abandon his fellow soldiers when he is told by Captain Miller that he is going home. As he says when informed of the deaths of his brothers, “You can tell her [his mother] that when you found me, I was with the only brothers I had left. And that there was no way I was deserting them. I think she’d understand that.” In this scene, an old James Ryan is looking at Captain Miller’s gravestone in the American Cemetery in Normandy and remembering his dying words, “James, earn this… earn it.” He turns to his wife and says line one. She replies back with line two. In the 1999 Academy Awards “Saving Private Ryan” won five Oscars and was nominated for six more, including Best Picture (but lost to “Shakespeare in Love”).

This movie was based on the true story of the Niland brothers.

 

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???

“You’re going into the men’s room.”
“Huh? Oh, so I am. I do need new glasses.”

Tuesday’s Quizzer is…….

In a high school science class, Jimmy was given 50 milliliters of water and 50 milliliters of ethanol. His task was to mix them together and then run an experiment on the mixture. When the teacher came to check on him, however, Jimmy’s mixture only contained 94 milliliters. The teacher accused him of drinking some of the mixture in an attempt to get intoxicated and immediately sent him to the principal. Jimmy swears that he did not drink the mixture and that he didn’t lose any of the liquids by any means. What happened to the other six milliliters, and how could Jimmy prove his innocence?

 

Answer:  When liquids are mixed, the molecules can arrange themselves so that they fit together more tightly than either  of the original, pure liquids. A good way to visualize this is to picture a box completely filled with billiard balls (representing  large molecules). If you pour a small amount of sand (representing small molecules) into the box, the sand will fill the voids between the billiard balls. The mass in the box will increase, but the total volume will not change. This is how Jimmy could prove his innocence – if he weighs the mixture, it will equal the original weight of the water plus the weight of the ethanol.

Wednesday’s Quizzer is…

Based on the clue in parentheses, find a four-letter word that can be inserted backwards into the blank to complete a longer word.

Example: di____ve (a defeat)
Answer: dissolve (“A defeat” gives you LOSS, which is placed backwards in the blank: di_SSOL_ve.)

1. s____ing (profound, extreme, or intense)
2. si____ll (inspired by a feeling of reverence)
3. re____ed (draw with force)
4. s____hot (to extend over)

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

LINKS: http://www.slampi.org., http://www.hopeBUILD.org. www.GodLovesPraise.com. CHECK OUT MY BOOK online at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FF669PT/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1531337765&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Banquet+Servers+Hand+Guide#

Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store

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