Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Monday November 26, 2018.  

From the archives of Hollywood Squares…

These are from the days when game show responses were
spontaneous, not scripted like they are now. Or were they?

If you’re going to make a parachute jump, you should be at
least how high?
Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

True or false…a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes…

You’ve been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably
a man or a woman?
Don Knotts: That’s what’s been keeping me awake.

According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger at a party and
you think he’s really attractive, is it okay to come out
directly and ask him if he’s married?
Rose Marie: No, wait until morning.

What are “Do It”, “I Can Help” and “Can’t Get Enough”?
George Gobel: I don’t know but it’s coming from the next
apartment.

Charley, you’ve just decided to grow strawberries. Are you
going to get any during your first year?
Charley Weaver: Of course not, Peter. I’m too busy growing
strawberries!

In bowling, what’s a perfect score?
Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at
nudist camps. One is politics. What is the other?
Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

When you pat a dog on its head he will usually wag his
tail. What will a goose do?
Paul Lynde: Make him bark.

If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give
birth to?
Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of
the dark.

According to Ann Landers, is their anything wrong with
getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
Charley Weaver: It got me out of the Army!

Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish
on his head, what was he trying to do?
George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

According to Movie Life magazine, Ann-Margaret would like
to start having babies soon, but her husband wants her to
wait a while. Why?
Paul Lynde: He’s out of town.

Dennis Weaver, Debbie Reynolds, and Shelley Winters star
in the movie “What’s The Matter With Helen?” Who plays
Helen?
Charley Weaver: Dennis Weaver – that’s why they asked the
question.

Which stays pregnant longer? Your wife or your elephant?
Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
Charley Weaver: I’ll lend him the car. The rest is up to
him.

James Stewart did it over twenty years ago when he was
forty-one years old. Now he says it was “one of the best
things I ever did.” What was it?
Marty Allen: Rhonda Fleming.

Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in
them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions.
What are they?
Charley Weaver: His feet.

Do female frogs croak?
Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! HAVE A GREAT TUESDAY PEOPLE!

Whatever you do, don’t forget to LAFF IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

DAILY QUOTES…
Laughter is a form of internal jogging. It moves your internal organs around. It enhances
respiration. It is an igniter of great expectations.” — Norman Cousins
Laughter is a sense of proportion and a power of seeing yourself from the outside. — Zero Mostel
Laughter is God’s hand on the shoulder of a troubled world. — Bettenell Huntznicker
Laughter is the corrective force which prevents us from becoming cranks. — Henri Bergson
Laughter is the foundation of reconciliation. — St. Francis de Sales
Laughter is the loaded latency given us by nature as part of our native equipment to break up
the stalemates of our lives and urge us on to deeper and more complex forms of knowing. — Jean Houston
Laughter is the shortest distance between two people. — Victor Borge
Laughter is the sun that drives winter from the human face. — Victor Hugo
Laughter lets me relax. It’s the equivalent of taking a deep breath, letting it out and saying, ‘This, too, will pass’. — Odette Pollar
Laughter opens the lungs, and opening the lungs ventilates the spirit. — Unknown

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

Working as a court reporter, I hear to a lot of testimony
that you won’t hear on LAW AND ORDER, including the
following give-and-take between the judge and a mother
during a paternity suit.

Judge: “Was the child born out of wedlock?”

Mother: “No, sir, just outside of Louisville.” 😱😐😁      

  

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? 

“Well, the DA defines murder as one human killing another, so, technically, you can’t commit murder, can you?”
“Does this make us friends?”

I, Robot

In the events leading up to this scene (set on future Earth in 2035), the body of renowned robotic scientist Dr. Alfred Lanning (James Cromwell) has been found in the lobby of the U.S. Robotics building in Chicago and he is thought to have committed suicide. But Detective Del Spooner (Will Smith) suspects it may be murder, not suicide, and begins to investigate the situation. A robot with special talents named Sonny (Alan Tudyk) emerges as a prime suspect and Det. Spooner enlists the aid of psychologist Dr. Susan Calvin (Bridget Moynahan), who specializes in the psyches of robots, to help him understand how the Three Laws of Robotics could have been violated. In this scene Sonny confesses to the murder but says Dr. Lanning made him promise to do it. When Sonny asks, “Are you going to arrest me, Detective?” Spooner replies with line one. Sonny then replies with line two. In the 2005 Academy Awards “I, Robot” was nominated for the Oscar for Best Achievement in Visual Effects but lost to “Spider-Man 2.” The scene where Sonny is hiding in a large group of NS-5 robots standing at attention came from the Isaac Asimov story “Little Lost Robot.” Asimov is considered a master of the science-fiction genre and has written or edited more than five hundred science-fiction books. The Three Laws of Robotics are his creation.

 ANSWER: I, Robot!

In the events leading up to this scene (set on future Earth in 2035), the body of renowned robotic scientist Dr. Alfred Lanning (James Cromwell) has been found in the lobby of the U.S. Robotics building in Chicago and he is thought to have committed suicide. But Detective Del Spooner (Will Smith) suspects it may be murder, not suicide, and begins to investigate the situation. A robot with special talents named Sonny (Alan Tudyk) emerges as a prime suspect and Det. Spooner enlists the aid of psychologist Dr. Susan Calvin (Bridget Moynahan), who specializes in the psyches of robots, to help him understand how the Three Laws of Robotics could have been violated. In this scene Sonny confesses to the murder but says Dr. Lanning made him promise to do it. When Sonny asks, “Are you going to arrest me, Detective?” Spooner replies with line one. Sonny then replies with line two. In the 2005 Academy Awards “I, Robot” was nominated for the Oscar for Best Achievement in Visual Effects but lost to “Spider-Man 2.” The scene where Sonny is hiding in a large group of NS-5 robots standing at attention came from the Isaac Asimov story “Little Lost Robot.” Asimov is considered a master of the science-fiction genre and has written or edited more than five hundred science-fiction books. The Three Laws of Robotics are his creation.
 

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???

“I just wanted to tell you I’m your number one fan.”
“That’s… very sweet of you.”

Tuesday’s Quizzer is…….

Your task here is to change one letter in each of the following words, in order to find three (3) words with a common theme.

STEER
CRASS
PESTER


Answer: STEER –> STEEL
CRASS –> BRASS
PESTER –> PEWTER

Each new word is an alloy.



Monday’s Quizzer is…

What does this mean?

VAD ERS

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAY’S November 27th Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

LINKS: http://www.slampi.org., http://www.hopeBUILD.org. www.GodLovesPraise.comCHECK OUT MY BOOK online at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FF669PT/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1531337765&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Banquet+Servers+Hand+Guide#

Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store

 

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