Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers, and Teases

WELCOME to Monday December 10, 2018.
Here’s the story, today we take a look at what women say and what they really mean!

This information is directly taken from the book of wonders…          
We Need………..I want

No, I am not upset………Of course I am upset you moron
Go ahead, do what you want……….You will pay for this later buster!
We need to talk…….I need to complain
Look how nice the neighbor’s yard looks………Get off your fat butt and cut the grass
The garbage man comes tomorrow……….Take out the trash dummy!
My hair looks terrible……..I need one hundred and fifty bucks for a perm
I need new shoes for the wedding……..My other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white
No I am not angry…….I am livid
This kitchen sure is small…….Buy me a new house
I don’t want to talk about it…….Go away, I am still building up steam
I’ll be ready in a minute…….Take your coat off & see if there’s a good football game on TV
Am I FAT……..Tell me how beautiful I am
It’s your decision…….Especially if you make the right one
Nothing is wrong…….Everything is wrong
Let’s be romantic and turn out the lights…….I have fat thighs

Not to change the subject, but………I am changing the subject.

I don’t snore……….I snore really loud…
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! HAVE A GREAT MONDAY PEOPLE!
Whatever you do, don’t forget to LAFF IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

“Experts are warning holiday shoppers to check the spelling of websites because there are lookalike sites that try to scam you with a slight misspelling of a store’s name. Yep, they said if you want more info on this, just look it up on Goggle.” -Jimmy Fallon

“Washington, D.C., 7-Eleven stores have begun selling Dorito-coated cheese sticks. Because when 7-Eleven drops food on the floor, they don’t give up.” -Seth Meyers
“Today, the stock market hit an all-time high. Which is great news, because if there’s one thing we’ve learned over the past decade it’s that if Wall Street executives are doing well, regular Americans are doing well. ” -James Corden


G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
My wife and I take turns walking our five-year-old daughter
to the bus stop for school every morning. Today was my turn,
and as me and all the other moms in the neighborhood waited
one of them asked me to say hello to my wife.

“I will,” I said. “it’ll make her feel better. She has

“Oh, poor girl,” they all said in unison.

One of them crooked her eyebrow at me and said, “I hope
you’re helping her with the kids, the cooking and cleaning.”

“I can’t,” I said pointing to the band aid on my index finger.

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???
“How do you shoot the devil in the back? What if you miss?”
“All right, let’s get back to the pier.”
Answer:  The Usual Suspects!
In this scene, U.S. Customs Agent David Kujan (Chazz Palminteri) is questioning Roger “Verbal” Kint (Kevin Spacey), a small-time con man and cripple, about a massive explosion and fire that has taken place on a ship docked at the Port of Los Angeles in San Pedro Bay. Police investigating this explosion have found 27 dead bodies and $91 million worth of supposed drug money, and the only survivors are a severely burned and very scared Hungarian gangster and Kint. Verbal’s story, which is told through flashbacks, begins six weeks earlier with five criminals being brought in for a lineup for a hijacked truck (the usual suspects) and ends with the ship blowing up and a mysterious, unseen criminal named Keyser Soze. There is a surprising ending, which I won’t give away in case you haven’t seen this movie! A list on the IMDb of “Twists In The End” rated “The Usual Suspects” as beating out “Psycho,” “The Silence of the Lambs,” “Chinatown,” “The Shining,” “The Sixth Sense” and “Witness for the Prosecution.”
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
 “I put a curse on that plane.”
“I don’t believe in curses.”
Friday’s Quizzer is…….
Question Mark is the host of a new game show called “Radical Rush”. It is a game of 4 rounds. A logic round, a rebus round, a mathematics round and a final face-off. One player is eliminated after each round, with the last player left being the winner. Each player is color-coded. Now you must work out the full names of the contestants, the age of the contestants, their color-code and which round they were eliminated in (and who won).

First names: David, Joanne, Richard, Xavier, Yvette
Last names: Bridge, Hall, Rade, Richburgh, Sands
Ages: 22, 24, 26, 29, 33
Color-codes: Red, Blue, Green, Yellow, Orange
Round Eliminated: Logic, Rebus, Maths, Face-off, Winner

Round 1 (LOGIC): This round was straight forward for Xavier, Miss Bridge and the player aged 29. The green player and the player aged 26 did not find this round as easy. It was a close call but in the end, the yellow player was eliminated.

Round 2 (REBUS): This round was slightly harder, however it was a walk in the park for Richard, who came in first place for this round. Yvette, Mr Rade and the red player did not find this round as easy. However, after she realised what she was doing wrong, The 22-year-old quickly took second place. Now it was just up to Xavier and the 29-year-old, however it was all over for Mr Rade.

Round 3 (MATHEMATICS): Once again, the difficulty level increases as the remaining three players try their math skills. No-one seemed to do particularly well here. The first place finisher was Miss Bridge. The battle for a spot in the Face-off was between Xavier and the green player. He put everything he knew into this round, however it wasn’t enough to save Mr Hall, our unfortunate 33-year-old.

Face-off: Two players remain with the same goal: to become the very first winner of “Radical Rush”. The 22-year-old and Mr Richburgh must race each-other in a maze. Whoever reaches the end first, wins the game. It was a race too close to call, however the red player was fast enough to steal victory from the very unfortunate orange player.


In order of elimination:

ROUND 1: Logic
Joanne Sands, 26, Yellow
ROUND 2: Rebus
David Rade, 29, Blue
ROUND 3: Mathematics
Richard Hall, 33, Green
ROUND 4: Face-off
Yvette Bridge, 22, Orange
Xavier Richburgh, 24, Red

In round 1, we know that Xavier and Miss Bridge are not 26 and 29. Nor are they the green player. At the moment, it is unclear who the yellow player is.

It is not immediately clear who was eliminated from round 1. However we do know that Richard, Yvette and Xavier survived. We know that Richard is not Mr. Rade, because Mr Rade lost round 2, and Richard won.

In round 3, we find out that David was eliminated in round 2, because we know that Richard and Yvette made it to round 3, however we were unsure of Xavier. Although “Xavier and the green player” tells us that Xavier made it to round 3. It also tells us that Richard is the green player, and that Joanne is the yellow player and was eliminated in round 1, and tells us that Yvette is 22.

In the Face-off, we know that Yvette and one other player is left. That player could be Richard or Xavier. The player is red. We already know that Richard is green, so he was eliminated in round 3. However this doesn’t tell us who the winner is. Well, in round 2, you can tell that Yvette is not the red player, so that means that she is the orange player and Xavier is red, and Xavier won.

You can also gather other clues with the information.

Monday’s Quizzer is……
Take the given words, and by moving a single letter from one word to the other, make a pair of synonyms, or near synonyms.
For example, given: Boast – Hip, move the ‘s’ from ‘Boast’ to ‘Hip’ creating two synonyms: Boat – Ship.

1. Open – Cop
2. Cave – Curt
3. Cares – Pest
4. Salve – Savage
5. Whiled – Spurn

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at
RECOMMENDED WEBSITE LINKS: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store


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