Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers, and Teases

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WELCOME to Thursday December 13, 2018.
 
Crazy T-Shirt Sayings….
1. (around a picture of dandelions) I Fought the Lawn and the Lawn Won.
2. My Wife Is A Travel Agent For Guilt Trips.
3. I Just Do What The Voices Inside My Head Tell Me To Do.
4. (Worn by a pregnant woman) A Man Did This To Me, Oprah!
5. Senior Citizen: Just Give Me My Discount.
6. Princess, Having Had Sufficient Experience With Princes, Seeks Frog.
7. I Used To Be Schizophrenic, But We’re OK Now.
9. I Didn’t Climb to the Top of the Food Chain to Be a Vegetarian.
10. Liberal Arts Major…Will Think For Money.
11. IRS — Be Audit You Can Be.
12. Gravity…It’s Not Just a Good Idea. It’s the Law.
13. If You Want Breakfast In Bed, Sleep In the Kitchen!
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! HAVE A GREAT THURSDAY PEOPLE!
Whatever you do, don’t forget to LAFF IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
DAILY QUOTES…

“I read about a woman from California who is driving by herself across the country to visit every single Costco in the U.S. So far, she’s traveled 2,000 miles – and that was just walking through one Costco.” -Jimmy Fallon

“Pope Francis has warned the media to stop spreading false information. Or as the media reported it, ‘World’s Top Rabbi Says ‘Keep Up the Good Work!'” -Conan O’Brien
“Today in 1884, the Washington Monument was completed, and if George Washington were here today to see it he would probably say, ‘That looks nothing like me.'” -Seth Meyers

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
One of our patients wasn’t taking any chances. Prior to her
operation, she taped notes to her body for the surgeon…
“Take your time,” “Don’t cut yourself,” “No need to rush,”
“Wash your hands…”

After surgery, as I helped the patient back into her bed,
we discovered a new note taped to her, this one from the
doctor, “Has anyone seen my wristwatch?” 😱

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???
“You alright there, Margie?”
“No, I just think I’m gonna barf.” [stands up] “Well, that passed. Now I’m hungry again.”
Answer:  Fargo!
In this scene, Police Chief Marge Gunderson (Frances McDormand) and her fellow officer Lou (Bruce Bohne) are investigating a triple homicide outside Fargo, North Dakota. Marge, who is pregnant, bends over near a wrecked car as if examining something on the ground and a concerned Lou says line one. Marge says the first part of line two, then stands back up and says the second part of line two. In the events leading up to this scene, car salesman Jerry Lundegaard (William H. Macy) engineers a kidnapping of his own wife, with the intent of solving his financial problems with the ransom money he expects will be paid by her wealthy father. However, persistent investigation by Marge starts to unravel his scheme.
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“He’s a southpaw. I don’t want you messing with southpaws. They do everything backwards.”
“Southpaw nothing! I’ll drop him in three.”
 
 
Wednesday’s Quizzer is…….
The first is needed to make quotes you see,  And it often sticks up when it’s time for noon tea.

The second’s biggest distinction is found
Bearing the symbol of love that is bound.

The third should be biggest but that can depend,
Never standing alone or it may offend.

The fourth is oft used when making a selection
Or if you should need a gun for protection.

The fifth is the fattest and oddest by far,
And can sometimes be found in a wrestling war.

What are they?

Answer:

The digits of the hand! (The order on the poem is pinky, ring finger, middle finger, index or pointer finger, and thumb)

The pinky hits the quotation mark key on the keyboard when typing, and people often raise their pinky off the cup when drinking tea. The ring finger bears a wedding band when married. The middle finger is an obscene gesture when standing alone. You point with the index finger to make a selection, or use it to pull the trigger on a gun. The thumb can be used for thumb wrestling.

Thursday’s Quizzer is…….
There was once a college that offered a class on probability applied to the real world.

The class was relatively easy, but there was a catch. There were no homework assignments or tests, but there was a final exam that would have only one question on it.

When everyone received the test it was a blank sheet of paper with a solitary question on it: “What is risk?”

Most students were able to pass, but only one student received 100% for the class! Even stranger was that he only wrote down one word!

What did he write?

 

 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
RECOMMENDED WEBSITE LINKS:
Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store

 

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