Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers, and Teases

WELCOME to Monday December 17, 2018.
Bumper Stickers……

* We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart?

* He who laughs last thinks slowest.😱

* Auntie Em, Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog…Dorothy

* Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.

* I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.

* Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.

* OK, who stopped payment on my reality check?

* Few women admit their age; Fewer men act it.

* I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

* Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW..

* A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

* Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.

* Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

* Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

* There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can’t.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! HAVE A GREAT MONDAY PEOPLE!
Whatever you do, don’t forget to LAFF IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

“The biggest dog in the world lives in the U.K. and on its hind legs stands at 7 feet, 6 inches tall. When asked if he likes being taken for a walk, his owner said, ‘I love it.'” -Jimmy Fallon

“Researchers are developing a stay-sober pill that will prevent you from getting drunk off of alcohol. It’s perfect for the drinker who wants all the calories of alcohol but none of the fun.” -Conan O’Brien

“A new study suggests that marriage is more beneficial for men than women. The results of the study were shouted at me through a locked bedroom door.” -Seth Meyers  

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

When I picked up my wife from work one afternoon, she seemed
irritated. She confessed that the day hadn’t gone well, and
on top of everything else, a young customer had addressed her
as “ma’am.”

“I’m not that old,” she insisted. “I deserve more respect!”
She vented the whole way home while hitting the scan button
on the radio.

Finally I asked, “What are you looking for?”

She replied, “The oldies station.”😌 

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? 

“Well, at least I don’t have to move over to let a funeral go by, man.”
“Your car is uglier than I am. Oops, that didn’t come out right.”

Answer:  American Graffiti
In this scene, ’32 Ford deuce coupe driver John Milner (Paul Le Mat) is cruising down the main street of a small California town at night and is trading insults with driver Bob Falfa (Harrison Ford), who is driving a ’55 Chevy. After Milner says, “Yeah, well, your car’s so ugly you must have to sneak up on the pumps to get a tank of gas”, Falfa says line one. Milner has just previously gotten an uninvited passenger in his car, a young girl named Carol (Mackenzie Phillips), who has run over to his hot-rod from another car while both are stopped at a traffic light. Milner calls her a “grungy little twerp” and tries to get rid of her, but she threatens to cry rape if he doesn’t back off. Carol is cracking up at these insults and says the first part of line two, but then realizes she misspoke and says the second part. “American Graffiti” tells the story of Curt Henderson (Richard Dreyfuss) and Steve Bolander (Ron Howard), who are spending one last night with some of their friends in their hometown before heading off to college in the morning. “American Graffiti” was the first big commercial success of director George Lucas (of “Star Wars” fame).

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? 

“What do they call you?”
“They call me MISTER Tibbs!”

Friday’s Quizzer is…….

The blanks in the following sentences will be filled in with three different homonyms (words that are spelled differently but sound alike) to make valid sentences. The dashes indicate the number of letters in the words. Can you fill in the blanks?

1. The cut on his _ _ _ _ won’t _ _ _ _ in time for the race, so _ _ ‘_ _ have to drop out.
2. The man was so upset about being _ _ _ _ that he regularly _ _ _ _ _ _ himself up on the bed and _ _ _ _ _ _ his eyes out.
3. I couldn’t _ _ _ _ _ any of the _ _ _ _ _ _ in the flower shop, because for some strange reason I had 50 _ _ _ _ _ crammed up my nose.

4. A bloodthirsty pirate will wander the _ _ _ _ and essentially _ _ _ _ _ everything he _ _ _ _.

Answer: 1. The cut on his HEEL won’t HEAL in time for the race, so HE’LL have to drop out.
2. The man was so upset about being BALD that he regularly BALLED himself up on the bed and BAWLED his eyes out.
3. I couldn’t SENSE any of the SCENTS in the flower shop, because for some strange reason I had 50 CENTS crammed up my nose.
4. A bloodthirsty pirate will wander the SEAS and essentially SEIZE everything he SEES.
Monday’s Quizzer is…….

Inside each set of the following words, there are a pair of smaller words. By putting & between them, lo & behold,

 you’ll make a familiar phrase. For example, “Thighbone/Swallowtail” conceals “High & Low.”

1. Gulliver/Clearness
2. Tragicomedy/Pentagon
3. Chinchilla/Magdalene
4. Terrestrial/Ecoterrorist

5. Thundershower/Intellectual



LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at
RECOMMENDED WEBSITE LINKS: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store

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