Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers, and Teases

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WELCOME to Tuesday December 18, 2018.

Signs Found In Kitchens

1. Kitchen closed – – this chick has had it!
2. Martha Stewart doesn’t live here!
3. I’m creative; you can’t expect me to be neat too!
4. So this isn’t Home Sweet Home… Adjust!
5. Ring Bell for Maid Service…If no answer do it your-self!
6. I clean house every other day…. Today is the other day!
7. If you write in the dust, please don’t date it!
8. I would cook dinner but I can’t find the can opener!
9. My house was clean last week, too bad you missed it!
10. A clean kitchen is the sign of a wasted life.
11. COOK CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE!
12. I came, I saw, I decided to order take out.
13. If you don’t like my standards of cooking…lower your standards.
14. You may touch the dust in this house…but please don’t write in it!
15. Apology…Although you’ll find our house a mess, Come
in, sit down,converse. It doesn’t always look like this: Some days it’s even worse.
16. A messy kitchen is a happy kitchen, and this kitchen is delirious.
17. If we are what we eat, then I’m easy, fast, and cheap.
18. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
19. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
20. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they
shall never cease to be amused.
21. A clean house is a sign of a misspent life.
22. Help keep the kitchen clean – eat out.
23. Countless number of people have eaten in this kitchen
and gone on to lead normal lives.
24. My next house will have no kitchen — just vending machines.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! HAVE A GREAT TUESDAY PEOPLE!
Whatever you do, don’t forget to LAFF IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
DAILY QUOTES…

“Everybody keeps saying that women are smarter than men, but
did you ever see a man wearing a shirt that buttons down the
back?” 😎

 

He that is of a merry heart has a continual feast. — Proverbs 15:15

He who binds to himself a joy Does the winged life destroy; But he who kisses the joy as it flies Lives in eternity’s sun rise. — William Blake

He who laughs, lasts! — Mary Pettibone Poole

Humor is a prelude to faith and laughter is the beginning of prayer. — Reinhold Niebuhr

Humor is laughing at what you haven’t got when you ought to have it. — James Langston Hughes

I commend mirth. — Ecclesiastes 8:15

I have always felt that laughter in the face of reality is probably the finest sound there is and will last until the day when the game is called on account of darkness. In this world, a good time to laugh is any time you can. — Linda Ellerbee

I have not seen anyone dying of laughter, but I know millions who are dying because they are not laughing. – Dr. Madan Kataria

I never would have made it if I could not have laughed. It lifted me momentarily out of this horrible situation, just enough to make it livable. — Viktor Frankl

I was irrevocably betrothed to laughter, the sound of which has always

seemed to me to be the most civilized music in the world. — Peter Ustinov

 
 
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

Part of my job as a 911 dispatcher is to interrogate callers who are in various states of panic so I can send the appropriate emergency equipment. One day a woman called to say that a family member had fallen and needed to go to a hospital. After finding out where she lived and assuring her that the  paramedics would arrive shortly, I asked her, “Do you know what caused the fall?”

“No,” the woman nervously replied. “What?”😱  

 
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???

“What do they call you?”
“They call me MISTER Tibbs!”

Answer:  In the Heat of the Night!
In this scene, bigoted police chief of a small southern town Bill Gillespie (played wonderfully by Rod Steiger) is questioning a black man named Virgil Tibbs (Sidney Poitier), who is suspected of a local murder. Gillespie is suspicious of all the money in Tibbs’ wallet and wants to know where he got it. When Tibbs says it is from his job, Gillespie wants to know what that is. When Tibbs says he is a police detective in Philadelphia, PA, Gillespie is dumbfounded. Then he asks line one and an incensed Tibbs replies with line two. Tibbs is in the area to visit his mother, but his supervisor back in Philadelphia directs him to stay there briefly and help Gillespie solve this case.
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? 

“You do that, I’m gonna tell him you’re seeing somebody else while he’s on the stage.”
“I have two words for you: green card.”

 
Monday’s Quizzer is…….

Inside each set of the following words, there are a pair of smaller words. By putting & between them, lo & behold, you’ll make a familiar phrase. For example, “Thighbone/Swallowtail” conceals “High & Low.”

1. Gulliver/Clearness
2. Tragicomedy/Pentagon
3. Chinchilla/Magdalene
4. Terrestrial/Ecoterrorist
5. Thundershower/Intellectual
Answer: 1. Live & Learn
2. Come & Go
3. Hill & Dale
4. Trial & Error
5. Show & Tell
Tuesday’s Quizzer is…….

Take the given words, and by moving a single letter from one word to the other, make a pair of synonyms, or near synonyms. For example, given: Boast – Hip, move the ‘s’ from ‘Boast’ to ‘Hip’ creating two synonyms: Boat – Ship.

1. Burn – Bead
2. Rid – Tripe
3. Grove – Rout
4. Charm – Rush
5. Cream – Sweep

 

 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
RECOMMENDED WEBSITE LINKS:

 

Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store

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