Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers, and Teases

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WELCOME to Thursday December 20, 2018.
 
Signs You’re Going to Have a Bad Day…..

You know it’s going to be a bad day when…

* your twin sister forgets your birthday.

* you wake up face down on the pavement.

* you put your bra on backwards and it fits better.

* you call suicide prevention and they put you on hold.

* you see a “60 Minutes news team” waiting in your outer office.

* your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.

* you turn on the TV news and they’re displaying emergency
routes out of your city.

* you wake up to discover that your water bed broke and
then you realize that you don’t have a water bed.

* your horn goes off accidentally and remains stuck as you
follow a group of Hell’s Angels on the freeway.

* you get a rejection notice from the HUMOR List server say-
ing that you’re no longer funny.

* your doctor tells you, “Well, I have bad news and good news…”

* you open the paper and find your picture under a caption
that reads: “WANTED: DEAD OR ALIVE!”

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! HAVE A WONDERFUL THURSDAY PEOPLE!
Whatever you do, don’t forget to LAFF IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
DAILY QUOTES…

“A new study says that children are suffering bad health effects from eating too much pizza. The study was explained in a pie chart which children immediately tried to eat.” -Conan O’Brien

“The mayor of Boston actually had to issue a statement yesterday telling residents to
stop jumping from their second-story windows and rooftops into giant piles of snow.
Do NOT do that at home…unless you have a camera ready.” -Jimmy Fallon

“United Airlines just announced a new plan where you will have to pay to store a carry-on in the overhead bin. What’s next? ‘In case of a water landing, your seat can be used as a flotation device for only $129. Major credit cards accepted.'” -James Corden  

 
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

As team leader of the Police Tactics and Rescue Unit, I
directed officers late one night to strategic positions
around a building where a dangerous suspect was hiding.

Believing the culprit to be on the roof, I decided to have
an officer shine his flash-light in that direction on my
command.

At just the right moment, I whispered to him, “Okay, throw
a light on the roof.”

The officer hurled his flashlight to the top of the building.😳

 
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???
Jackson Two-Bears: “Kid, Kid, what a time to fall off the wagon. Look at your eyes.”

Kid Sheleen: “What’s wrong with my eyes?”
Jackson Two-Bears: “Well they’re red, bloodshot.”

Kid Sheleen: “You ought to see ’em from my side.”

 

Answer:  Cat Ballou!

This conversation is between Jackson Two-Bears and Kid Sheleen. Jackson is scolding Kid for getting drunk when he is needed to help foil Cat Ballou’s hanging and help her escape. Jane Fonda plays school teacher, Catherine Ballou, and Lee Marvin plays the drunken gunfighter, Kid Shelleen. Cat Ballou has hired Kid to protect her father and his ranch from rich, corrupt tycoon, Sir Harry Percival, and his hired gunfighter. When they kill her father to get his ranch, Kid stays to help her get revenge. She also enlists the help of her father’s hired hand, Jackson Two-Bears, Clay Boone, who she meets by chance on a train while he is escaping custody of a sheriff and Clay’s Uncle Jed. The gang robs a train of a payroll and Cat ends up shooting and killing Sir Harry Percival, which is why she is to be hanged.

 

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.”

 

Wednesday’s Quizzer is…….

Emperor Akbar once ruled over India. He was a wise and intelligent ruler, and he had in his court the Nine Gems, his nine advisors, who were each known for a particular skill. One of these Gems was Birbal, known for his wit and wisdom. The story below is one of the examples of his wit. Do you have it in you to find out the answer?

A farmer and his neighbour once went to Emperor Akbar’s court with a complaint.
“Your Majesty, I bought a well from him,” said the farmer pointing to his neighbour, “and now he wants me to pay for the water.”
“That’s right, your Majesty,” said the neighbour. “I sold him the well but not the water!”
The Emperor asked Birbal to settle the dispute.

How did Birbal solve the dispute? 

Answer: 

“Didn’t you say that you sold your well to this farmer?” Birbal asked the neighbor. “So, the well belongs to him now, but you have kept your water in his well. Is that right? Well, in that case you will have to pay him a rent or take your water out at once.” The neighbour realized that he was outwitted. He quickly apologised and gave up his claim.
 
Thursday’s Quizzer is…….

If you throw me from the window,
I will leave a grieving wife.
Bring me back, but in the door, and
You’ll see someone giving life!

What am I?

 

 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
RECOMMENDED WEBSITE LINKS:

 

Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store

 

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