Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers, and Teases

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WELCOME to Friday December 21, 2018.
Following are a few gems taken from actual resumes:

“Personal: I’m married with 9 children. I don’t require pre-
scription drugs.

“I am extremely loyal to my present firm, so please don’t
let them know of my immediate availability.”

“Qualifications: I am a man filled with passion and integrity,
and I can act on short notice. I’m a class act and do not come cheap.”

“Note: Please don’t misconstrue my 14 jobs as ‘job-hopping’.
I have never quit a job.”

“Number of dependents: 40.”

“Marital Status: Often. Children: Various.”

“Here are my qualifications for you to overlook.”

REASONS FOR LEAVING THE LAST JOB: “Responsibility makes me nervous.”

“They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every
morning. Couldn’t work under those conditions.”

JOB RESPONSIBILITIES:
“While I am open to the initial nature of an assignment, I
am decidedly disposed that it be so oriented as to at least
partially incorporate the experience enjoyed heretofore and
that it be configured so as to ultimately lead to the ap-
plication of more rarefied facets of financial management as
the major sphere of responsibility.” 😱

“I was proud to win the Gregg Typting Award.”

“My goal is to be a meteorologist. Since I have no training
in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.”

“I procrastinate – especially when the task is unpleasant.”

PHYSICAL DISABILITIES:
“Minor allergies to house cats and Mongolian sheep.”

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! HAVE A WONDERFUL WEEKEND PEOPLE!
Whatever you do, don’t forget to LAFF IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
DAILY QUOTES…

I have not seen anyone dying of laughter, but I know millions who are dying because they are not laughing. – Dr. Madan Kataria

I never would have made it if I could not have laughed. It lifted me momentarily out of this horrible situation, just enough to make it livable. — Viktor Frankl

I was irrevocably betrothed to laughter, the sound of which has always seemed to me to be the most civilized music in the world. — Peter Ustinov

I will follow the upward road today; I will keep my face to the light. I will think high thoughts as I go my way; I will do what I know is right. I will look for the flowers by the side of the road;

I will laugh and love and be strong. I will try to lighten another’s load this day as I fare along. — Mary S. Edgar

 

If Laughter cannot solve your problems, it will definitely DISSOLVE your problems; so that you can think clearly what to do about them – Dr. Madan Kataria

 
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

While on leave, my Marine buddy and I met two nursing
students from Southern California. After chatting them up
awhile, the conversation turned to what we did in the
service. When we told them we were in the infantry, the
girls seemed very impressed, giving us big smiles as they
told us how sweet that was.

Since infantry and sweet are seldom used in the same
sentence, I was a little confused. Until, that is, one of
the girls said, “We admire any man who works with infants.”😐

 
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???

“I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.”


Answer: When Harry Met Sally
“When Harry met Sally” is a movie about the relationship of two people, Harry Burns and Sally Albright, who meet occasionally over a course of twelve years. They try to remain friends while having other relationships. At the end of the movie, Sally is at a New Years Eve party, and is about to leave when Harry shows up. He says this to Sally because he realizes that he is in love with her! They kiss and end up getting married!

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“Do you mind if we stay here awhile, or must you go home?”

 

Thursday’s Quizzer is…….

If you throw me from the window,
I will leave a grieving wife.
Bring me back, but in the door, and
You’ll see someone giving life!
What am I?

Answer:  The letter ‘n’.  wiNdow – widow   door – doNor

 

Friday’s Quizzer is…….

One day, I was waiting to get on the subway. I was eating the apple I always have for breakfast, and I decided to sit next to a homeless man on the bench. While waiting, we saw a fat man walk by us. The hobo then muttered, “Pig.”

I didn’t give it a second thought, except that the comment was rude. There were still a few minutes until the next subway train arrived, and another man walked past us. He was tall, wearing a business suit. As he walked past, the hobo said, “Human.” I thought nothing of this remark, other than he was, obviously, a human. The subway finally arrived, and I left for work.

The next day, the hobo was still there at the subway station. Today I watched from a distance. Several people walked past him; a skinny woman, a muscular man, and an old lady. In turn he muttered, “Soup,” “Pork,” and “Cookie.”
Odd labels, I thought, because obviously none of them was a cookie. I got on the subway again, and proceeded to work. I could not stop thinking about the odd man at the subway station.

I observed him for days to come, and he continued this odd behavior. He would call people bread, carrot, rabbit, milk, and other strange things.
The next day, I walked by the homeless man once again, and he silently muttered, “Apple.”
At that point, I finally recognized what was going on. Then, remembering something, I was stricken with horror.

What was the hobo’s ability, and why was I horrified?

 

 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in NEXT THURSDAY‘S DECEMBER 27TH, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
RECOMMENDED WEBSITE LINKS:

 

Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store

 

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