Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Friday January 4, 2019.

Words from a Woman’s Dictionary……

* Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n. A discussion that occurs when you’re right, but he just  hasn’t realized it yet.

* Bar-be-que (bar*bee*q) n. You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the
tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up, but he “made the dinner”.

* Blonde Jokes (blond joks) n. Jokes that are short so men can understand them.

* Clothes Dryer (cloze dri*yer) n. An appliance designed to eat socks.

* Diet Soda (dy*it so*da) n. A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half pound bag of peanut M&M’s.

* Eternity (e*ter*ni*tee) n. The last two minutes of a football game or a great movie!

* Exercise (ex*er*siz) v. To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.

* Grocery List (grow*ser*ee list) n. What you spend a half hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.

* Hair Dresser (hare dres*er) n. Someone who is able to create a style you will never be able to duplicate again.

* Hardware Store (hard*war stor) n. Simuilar to a black hole in space—if he goes in, he isn’t coming out any time soon.

* Valentine’s Day (val*en*tinez dae) n. A day when you have dreams of a candlelight dinner, diamonds, and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card.

* Waterproof Mascara (wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah) n. Comes off if you cry, shower, or swim, but will not come off if you try to remove it.

Now I don’t know who wrote the book, but the word of the law say’s it true! That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND PEOPLE! Whatever you do,don’t forget to LAFF IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman! 
DAILY QUOTES…
  • He deserves Paradise who makes his companions laugh. — Koran
  • He that is of a merry heart has a continual feast. — Proverbs 15:15
  • He who binds to himself a joy Does the winged life destroy; But he who
  • kisses the joy as it flies Lives in eternity’s sun rise. — William Blake
  • He who laughs, lasts! — Mary Pettibone Poole
  • Humor is a prelude to faith and laughter is the beginning of prayer. — Reinhold Niebuhr
  • Humor is laughing at what you haven’t got when you ought to have it. — James Langston Hughes
  • I commend mirth. — Ecclesiastes 8:15
  • I have always felt that laughter in the face of reality is probably the finest sound there is
  • and will last until the day when the game is called on account of darkness. In this world,
  •  a good time to laugh is any time you can. — Linda Ellerbee
  • I have not seen anyone dying of laughter, but I know millions who are
  • dying because they are not laughing. – Dr. Madan Kataria
  • I never would have made it if I could not have laughed. It lifted me
  • momentarily out of this horrible situation, just enough to make it livable. — Viktor Frankl
  • I was irrevocably betrothed to laughter, the sound of which has always seemed to
  •  me to be the most civilized music in the world. — Peter Ustinov
  • I will follow the upward road today; I will keep my face to the light. I will think high thoughts
  •  as I go my way; I will do what I know is right. I will look for the flowers by the side of the
  •  road; I will laugh and love and be strong. I will try to lighten another’s load
  • this day as I fare along. — Mary S. Edgar 
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes…

A fellow and his wife living in Houston, Texas, where the
people are all patriots, were blessed with the birth of
twins, two identical girls. These twins were born on the 4th
of July, and the father, being patriotic, said to his wife,
“We will name them Liberty and Justice, after the pledge of
alligence”.

His wife said, “Are you nuts? You can’t have girls going
through life with names like Liberty and Justice. We are
going to name them regular girl’s names like Mary or Jane”.

Well, the argument went on for about a month, when a compro-
mise was reached. They would each name one of the girls. The
man chose Liberty and the wife picked Elizabeth.

As the girls grew, they were so identical, they kept pulling
tricks on people who couldn’t tell them apart.

Finally, when they were about 18, a young man took interest
in them. He would take one out on a date but he was never
sure which one he was with.

He decided he would marry at least one of them, but he wasn’t
sure which one he would marry.

He went to the girls father and explained his quandary.

“I love your daughters and want to marry one of them, but I
can’t tell them apart, so I will leave it up to you…

Give me Liberty or give me Beth.”😎

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???
“Ahem, according to Starfleet medical research… Borg implants can cause severe skin
 irritations. Perhaps you’d like an analgesic cream?”

 

Answer:  EMH Mark I!
The EMH (Emergency Medical Hologram) Mark I, the same model as “Star Trek: Voyager’s” Doctor, was played in this cameo appearance by Robert Picardo. The Borg have boarded the Enterprise, and Dr. Beverly Crusher (Gates McFadden) activates the EMH program in a desperate measure to stall for time. The EMH promptly responds with his usual line, “Please state the nature of the medical emergency.” Upon being informed that the emergency involves twenty Borg about to break through the door, the EMH objects, “I’m a doctor, not a doorstop,” a variation on Dr. McCoy’s classic line. Beverly suggests that he “do a dance,” or “tell a story.” I, personally, think the analgesic line was much better – though I doubt the Borg were impressed.

 
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???

“Wanna ride on my Segway?”

 

Thursday’s Quizzer is…….

Five guests, Mr. Rose, Ms. Tulip, Sir Daisy, Lord Pansy and Miss Lily, were all invited to an exclusive party at Brainteaser Mansion. However, during the long, dark night, the owner of the spectacular mansion, Mr. Death, was found dead in his office. The trouble is, every member of the party went into his office, each at a different time, with a different weapon, motive and clue that incriminated them. From their statements below, can you work out who killed him?

Mr. Rose’s statement: “I didn’t do it. I never left a footprint because a woman did. I entered the room before the person who took in the poison. I must say though, she was in there for a quarter of an hour before someone else went in!”

Ms. Tulip’s statement: “Okay, I admit it! I took in the revolver, even though my motive wasn’t revenge. A man entered the room after me and his motive was either rage or blackmail.”

Sir Daisy’s statement: “All I know is, I did leave a fingerprint, but that doesn’t explain why Miss Lily lost a hair, does it? Oh yes! The person who entered seventy minutes before me took in the lead pole.”

Lord Pansy’s statement: “I entered after a woman, who did not take in rope because the last person to visit him did. I was in there for more than thirty-five minutes confronting Mr. Death with my motive, which, may I say, wasn’t greed or blackmail.”

Miss Lily’s statement: “Yes, you caught me! My motive was jealousy, but it wasn’t as bad as that man’s blackmail motive, who entered at five minutes past nine. I entered before another man who left the incriminating clue of the blood drop.”

The person who entered the room at half past ten is the real killer. Who did it?

Answer: Mr. Rose, Dagger, Blackmail, Note, 9:05
Ms. Tulip, Revolver, Greed, Footprint, 11:25
Sir Daisy, Rope, Rage, Fingerprint, 11:55
Lord Pansy, Lead pole, Revenge, Blood, 10:45
Miss Lily, Poison, Jealousy, Hair, 10:30

Therefore, Miss Lily was the real killer.
 

Friday’s Quizzer is…….Some people’s names (such as “Will Power”) suggest a certain personality or career choice. Given below are some last names and professions (in no particular order). For each last name, your task is to think of a common first name, such that it suggests one of the given professions. Each last name and profession must be used just once.

Example: Sonny Day would suggest a meteorologist.
Last Names: Ball, King, Major, Mee, Soares, Turner
Professions: Paleontologist, Author, Musician, Plumber, Astrologer, Lawyer

The hint provides the first names.

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
RECOMMENDED WEBSITE LINKS:

 

Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store

 

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