Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Tuesday January 15, 2019.

Dear Abby,

I’ve never written to you before, but I really need your
advice on what could be a crucial decision.

I’ve suspected for some time now that my wife has been
cheating on me. The usual signs…phone rings, but if I
answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out
with the girls a lot recently, although when I ask their
names she always says, “Just some friends from work, you
don’t know them.”

I sometimes stay awake to look out for her cab coming home,
but she always comes walking up the drive as I hear the
sound of a car leaving, around the corner, as if she has
gotten out and walked the rest of the way. Why? Maybe she
wasn’t in a taxi at all?

I once picked up her cell phone, just to see what time it
was. This caused her to go completely berserk. She quickly
snatched the phone out of my hand and cursed me hysteri-
cally, screaming that I should never touch her personal
property, then accused me of trying to spy on her.

Anyway, I have never broached the subject with my wife. I
think deep down I just didn’t want to know the truth, but
last night she went out again and I decided to really check
on her. I decided I was going to park my Harley Davidson
Low rider next to the garage and then hide behind it so I
could get a good view of the street around the corner when
she came home. It was at that moment, crouching behind my
motorcycle that I noticed a small amount of motor oil
leaking through the gasket between the rear head and rocker
arm cover.

So… is this something I can easily repair myself or do you
think I should take it back to the dealer?

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! HAVE A GREAT TUESDAY PEOPLE!

 Whatever you do, don’t forget to LAFF IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman! 
DAILY QUOTES…

“Later this month, Google will be testing its new self-driving minivans.

The vehicles can do all the functions of a human driver, except wonder,
‘Christ, how did I end up driving a minivan?'” -Conan O’Brien

“More than 60 cities around the world celebrated the 16th annual No Pants
Subway Ride yesterday. Or as that one guy on your train calls it, ‘Sunday.'” -Seth Meyers

“In Las Vegas, the Consumer Electronics Show is going on. It displays new

technology that makes you already hate the TV you bought two weeks
ago for Christmas.” -Jimmy Kimmel

 

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes… 
Panicking when her toddler swallowing a tiny magnet; my
sister, Betty, rushed him to the emergency room.

“He’ll be fine,” the doctor promised her. “The magnet should
pass through his system in a day or two.”

“How will I be sure?” she pressed.

“Well,” the doctor suggested, “you could stick him on the
refrigerator. When he falls off, you’ll know.” 😳😱😎 

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???

“Do you promise to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God?” “And then some.”

 

Answer: Chicago!
In this scene 1920’s vaudeville star Velma Kelly (Catherine Zeta-Jones) is being sworn in by a court bailiff in the murder trial of Roxie Hart (Renée Zellweger), a wannabe vaudeville star who has killed her lover after finding out he has lied to her and was never going to make her famous. The court bailiff asks line one and Velma replies with line two. Hart is represented by hotshot defense lawyer Billy Flynn (Richard Gere), who compares the Chicago brand of justice in the 1920s to entertainment (one of the movie’s taglines is “With the right song and dance, you can get away with murder”). In another telling scene Flynn says, “Would you please tell the audience… er … the jury what happened?”

 
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???

“Is that what I’m supposed to tell your mother when she gets another folded American flag?” “You can tell her that when you found me, I was with the only brothers I had left. And that there was no way I was deserting them. I think she’d understand that.”

 

 

Monday’s Quizzler is……
You are on your way to visit your Grandma, who lives at the end of the valley. It’s her birthday, and you want to give her the cakes you’ve made. Between your house and her house, you have to cross 7 bridges, and as it goes in the land of make believe, there is a troll under every bridge! Each troll, quite rightly, insists that you pay a troll toll. Before you can cross their bridge, you have to give them half of the cakes you are carrying, but as they are kind trolls, they each give you back a single cake. How many cakes do you have to leave home with to make sure that you arrive at Grandma’s with exactly 2 cakes?

 

Answer: 
2: At each bridge you are required to give half of your cakes, and you receive one back.
Which leaves you with 2 cakes after every bridge.
 

Tuesday’s Quizzler is…….
A spoonerism is a pair of words that can have their initial sounds switched to form new words. The pairs need only sound the same, not necessarily be spelled the same (power saw & sour paw, horse cart & coarse heart). There may sometimes be one or two connecting words (kick the stone & stick the cone, king of the rats & ring of the cats). Given the following definitions, what are the spoonerisms?

1) spoiled Neanderthal child & courageous cougar
2) child of a sorceress & liquid in a trench
3) milk and cheese & fops who are imaginary beings with magical powers
4) fondle feathers & Amsterdam

 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
RECOMMENDED WEBSITE LINKS:

 

Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store. http://www.amazon.com

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