Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Thursday January 17, 2019.
REAL CHILDREN’S SCIENCE EXAM ANSWERS:
 
Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon,

because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.

Q: What is artificial insemination?
A: When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.go., abdomen.)
A: The body is consisted into three parts— the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity.

The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal
cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U.

Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.

Q: What does “varicose” mean?
A: Nearby.

Q: Give the meaning of the term “Caesarean Section”
A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome

Q: What does the word “benign” mean?’
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.😳😱😁😎

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! HAVE A WONDERFUL THURSDAY PEOPLE!

Whatever you do, don’t forget to LAFF IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman! 
DAILY QUOTES…

“A dog in Seattle is making news after commuters noticed it had been riding

the bus to a local park all by itself. Everyone says the dog is amazing, while
the dog said, panicking, ‘I gotta find that blind guy. I’m in a lot of trouble
if I don’t find him.” -Jimmy Fallon

“A study showed that every hour of TV you watch after the age of 25 shortens
your life by 22 minutes. That doesn’t sound too bad to me. You’d probably
watch TV with that 22 minutes anyway.” -Jimmy Kimmel

“Police are looking for a woman who stole $3,000 worth of cat-grooming

supplies at an airport baggage carousel. Police describe the suspect as ‘single.'” -Seth Meyers

 

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes… 
On my first day working at the gas station, I watched a senior co-worker measure the
level of gasoline in the under ground tanks by lowering a giant measuring stick down into them.  “What would happen if I threw a lit match into the hole?”
I joked.  “It would go out,” he replied very matter-of-factly.

“Really?” I asked, surprised to hear that. “Is there a lack of oxygen down there or

some safety device that would extinguish it before the fumes ignited?”

“No,” my co-worker continued. “The force from the explosion would most likely blow it out.”😳  

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???

“Hancock, I’ve got lunatics laughing at me from the woods. My original plan has been scuppered now that the

jeeps haven’t arrived. My communications are completely broken down. Do you really believe any of that can be helped by a cup of tea?”
“Couldn’t hurt, sir.”
 

Answer: A Bridge Too Far!
In this scene British Major General Robert Urquhart (Sean Connery) has just experienced the Murphy’s Law that maintains, “If anything can go wrong, it will go wrong.” He is part of Operation Market Garden, an ambitious (but failed) attempt by the Allies to end World War II in Europe quickly. The plan was to use airborne paratroopers to secure three bridges behind German lines and then link up with a ground thrust by the British 30 Corp, allowing easy access over the Rhine River into Germany. General Urquhart’s part of the plan was to lead the British First Airborne Division in capturing the bridge over the Rhine at Arnhem, the Netherlands. However, Allied bombing released inmates from an insane asylum, who laughed at Urquhart’s troops, jeeps that were supposed to arrive never did, and the radios had the wrong crystals and were useless. A frustrated General Urquhart says line one and Corporal Hancock (Colin Farrell) replies with line two.

 
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???

“Auda will not come to Aqaba. Not for money… for Feisal… nor to drive away the Turks. He will come… because it is his pleasure.”
“Thy mother mated with a scorpion.”

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……

A spoonerism is a pair of words that can have their initial sounds switched to form new words. The pairs need only sound the same, not necessarily be spelled the same (power saw & sour paw, horse cart & coarse heart). There may sometimes be one or two connecting words (kick the stone & stick the cone, king of the rats & ring of the cats). Given the following definitions, what are the spoonerisms?

1) a lock’s companion and a bright-colored tropical bird & a vegetable and a vegetable
2) a chilly tome & a courageous chef
3) a mournful song & a spoiled cold dish of vegetables served with dressing
4) an excavation of an underground ore deposit in Geneva & the winner of a beauty pageant sponsored by pig farmers

Answer:  1) key and parrot & pea and carrot
2) cold book & bold cook
3) sad ballad & bad salad
4) Swiss mine & Miss Swine

 

 

Thursday’s Quizzler is…….
Feed, good, and kiss are 3 examples of words with double letters. Use the clues and fill in the blanks to find words with consecutive double letters. Remember, these words have 2 sets of double letters in a row!

1. It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s a…
B _ _ _ _ _ N

2. Body modification.
T _ _ _ _ O

3. A Group of people.
C _ _ _ _ _ _ _ E

4. Acuteness or acumen.
K _ _ _ _ _ _ S

—Experts Only!—
5. Kangaroos, dingos, and kookaburras!
C _ _ _ E

 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
RECOMMENDED WEBSITE LINKS:

 

Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store. http://www.amazon.com

 

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