Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Wednesday January 23, 2019.

Deep Observations on Life


1) “When I die, I want to die like my grandfather–who died
peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the
passengers in his car.” –Author Unknown

2) Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you
get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: “Take
two aspirin” and “Keep away from children.” –Author Unknown

3) “Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a
support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet
at the bar.” –Drew Carey

4) “The problem with the designated driver program, it’s not
a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it,
have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at
the wrong house.” –Jeff Foxworthy

5) “If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and
saving an infant’s life, she will choose to save the infant’s
life without even considering if there is a man on base.”
–Dave Barry

6) “Relationships are hard. It’s like a full time job, and
we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend
wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks’ notice.
There should be severance pay, and the day before they leave
you, they should have to find you a temp.” –Bob Ettinger

7) “My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took
her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said,
‘Mom, they weren’t trying to teach you how to swim’.”
–Paula Poundstone

8) “A study in the Washington Post says that women have
better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the
authors of that study: “Duh.” –Conan O’Brien

9) “Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I’m half-
way through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God…. I
could be eating a slow learner.” –Lynda Montgomery

10) “I think that’s how Chicago got started. Bunch of people
in New York said, ‘Gee, I’m enjoying the crime and the
poverty, but it just isn’t cold enough. Let’s go west.'”
–Richard Jeni

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! HAVE A WONDERFUL WEDNESDAY PEOPLE! Whatever you do, don’t forget to LAFF IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

 

DAILY QUOTES…

The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself,  but in so doing, he identifies himself with people – that is, people everywhere, not for the purpose of taking  them apart, but simply revealing their true nature. The wellspring of laughter is not happiness, but pain, stress, and suffering. — James Thurber

The young man who has not wept is a savage, and the old man who will not laugh is a fool. — George Santayana

Think of all the beauty still left around you and be happy. — Anne Frank

Those who do not know how to weep with their whole heart don’t know how to laugh either. — Golda Meir

To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain and play with it. — Charlie Chaplin

Total absence of humor renders life impossible. — Colette

Trouble knocked at the door, but, hearing laughter, hurried away. ― Benjamin Franklin

True humor springs more from the heart than from the head; it is not contempt, its essence is love. — Thomas Carlyle

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones

you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in

your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. — Mark Twain

We are all here for a spell. Get all the good laughs you can. — Will Rogers

 

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes…

A public school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule and a calculator.   At a morning press conference, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement.He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction. “Al-gebra is a problem for us,” Gonzales said. “They desire solutions bymeans and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values.

They use secret code names like ‘x’ and ‘y’ and refer to themselves as ‘unknowns’, but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, ‘There are 3 sides to every triangle’.”When asked to comment on the arrest, President Trump said, “If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes.” White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the president.😱😳😁😎

 

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “Oh, you drink coffee, don’t you?” “I consume a couple of cups a day.”

Answer: Summer of ’42!
In this scene young teenager Hermie (Gary Grimes) has carried a bag of groceries for young war bride, Dorothy (Jennifer O’Neill), from the village to her Nantucket Island cottage. She invites him to stay for a cup of coffee and then adds line one. Hermie, trying to sound more adult, responds with line two. This movie tells the mostly true story of Hermie and two of his friends in one memorable summer on Nantucket Island. He is smitten when he first sees Dorothy and then is devastated when her husband is killed in World War II. There are two especially wonderful quotes from this movie, with the first at the very beginning: “Nothing from that first day I saw her, and nothing that has happened to me since, has ever been as frightening and as confusing. For no person I’ve ever known has ever done more to make me feel more sure, more insecure, more important, and less significant.” At the very end Hermie is reminiscing about the adventures he and his pals have had that summer and about the young war widow Dorothy: “I would never see her again. Nor would I learn what became of her.” I’ve seen this movie several times and this scene still chokes me up.

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???“You don’t wanna wait for your share?””Naw, I’d just blow it.”

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……

Last week, the local Primary school was visited by the Government School Inspector who was there to check that teachers were performing well in their respective classes.

He was very impressed with one particular teacher. The Inspector noticed that each time the class teacher asked a question, every child in the class put up their hands enthusiastically to answer it.
More surprisingly, whilst the teacher chose a different child to answer the questions
each time, the answers were always correct.
Why would this be?

 

Answer: The children were instructed to ALL raise their hands whenever a question was asked. It did not matter whether they knew the answer or not.

If they did not know the answer, however, they would raise their LEFT hand.

If they knew the answer, they would raise their RIGHT hand.

The class teacher would choose a different child each time, but always the ones who had their RIGHT hand raised.

 

Wednesday’s Quizzler is…….

A palindrome is a word or phrase that reads the same, if it’s turned back-to-front. The names Bob, Eve,
and Otto are all palindromes. So is the name of the pop group Abba. Try to identify palindromic
words from the following clues. Good luck!

Example: Part of the body
Answer: Eye

1. Midday
2. A young dog
3. Flat
4. Word for addressing a lady
5. An Eskimo canoe
6. A system for detecting aircraft, ships, etc.
7. An action
8. Pieces of music for one person
9. Grass that grows on the seashore
10. In music, half a semibreve
11. Doctrine
12. Restorer

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

RECOMMENDED WEBSITE LINKS:

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Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store. http://www.amazon.com

 

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