Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Wednesday January 30, 2019.
Marriage Definitions….

BACHELOR: A nice guy who has cheated some nice girl out of her alimony.
BRIDE: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
COMPROMISE: An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her own way.
DIPLOMAT: A man who can convince his wife she would look fat in a fur coat.
GENTLEMAN: A husband who steadies the stepladder so that his wife will not fall while she paints the ceiling.
HOUSEWORK: What the wife does that nobody notices until she doesn’t do it.
HUSBAND: A man who gives up privileges he never realized he had.
JOINT CHECKING ACCOUNT: A handy little device which permits the wife to beat the husband to the draw.
LOVE: An obsessive delusion that is cured by marriage.
MOTHER-IN-LAW: A woman who destroys her son-in-law’s peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
MRS.: A job title involving heavy duties, light earnings, and no recognition.
SPOUSE: Someone who will stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn’t have had if you’d stayed single in the first place.

WIFE: A mate who is forever complaining about not having anything to wear at the very same time that she complains about not having enough room in the closet.  

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! HAVE A WONDERFUL WEDNESDAY PEOPLE! Whatever you do, don’t forget to LAFF IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

 

DAILY QUOTES…

“Best Buy will start selling solar panels in an effort to promote energy conservation. Best
Buy says you can find the panels right next to the 300 flat-screen TVs they leave on all day.” -Jimmy Fallon

“Lululemon is the company that makes yoga pants that are so tight they cut off circulation to the part of your brain that decides how much money is OK to spend on yoga pants.” -Jimmy Kimmel

“There are some accusations that Silicon Valley discriminates against people because of

their age. Elderly groups are so furious about this that they plan to send Silicon Valley an angry fax.” -Conan O’Brien

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes…

A man is sitting in the coach section of a flight from New York to Chicago biting his finger nails and sweating profusely. Noticing his disturbed expression, a flight attendant walks over and says, “Sir, can I get you something from the bar to calm you down?”

The man gives a nod of approval while shaking terribly. She comes back with a drink and he downs it quickly. Ten minutes later, the flight attendant sees the same man shaking and biting his nails. She brings him another drink which he swallows immediately.

A half hour later she returns to see that the man is shaking uncontrollably, and apparently crying. “My goodness,” the flight attendant says, “I’ve never seen someone so afraid to fly.”

“I’m not afraid of flying,” says the man sobbing loudly, “I’m trying to give up drinking.”😳

 

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???

“She’s a pistol, Cal! Hope you can handle her.”
“Well, I may have to start minding what she reads from now on, won’t I, Mrs. Brown?”
Answer: Titanic!
In this scene, six first-class passengers on the passenger liner RMS Titanic are at a lunch table when the discussion turns to how the ship was named. When White Star Lines chairman J. Bruce Ismay (Jonathan Hyde) says he chose the name Titanic to convey the image of size and power, Rose Bukater (Kate Winslet) says, “Do you know of Dr. Freud, Mr. Ismay? His ideas about the male preoccupation with size might be of particular interest to you.” Molly Brown (Kathy Bates) and Thomas Andrews (Victor Garber) try to stifle a smile at that comment and her mother (Frances Fisher) looks aghast. When Rose excuses herself from the table, Molly says line one to Rose’s fiancé, Caledon ‘Cal’ Hockley (Billy Zane), and he replies with line two. The movie “Titanic” tells the true-life story of the luxurious White Star ocean liner RMS Titanic that sank in 1912 on its maiden voyage, told through the lives of two main fictional characters, Jack Dawson (Leonardo DiCaprio) and Rose Bukater (played as a young woman by Kate Winslet and as an old woman by Gloria Stuart).

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???

“You need someone to buy the ticket and claim the winnings, but it has to be someone you absolutely trust.”
“One beard, check.”

Friday’s Quizzler is……

A palindrome is a word or phrase that reads the same, if it’s turned back-to-front. The names Bob, Eve, and Otto are all palindromes. So is the name of the pop group Abba. Try to identify palindromic words from the following clues. Good luck!

Example: Part of the body
Answer: Eye

1. Midday
2. A young dog
3. Flat
4. Word for addressing a lady
5. An Eskimo canoe
6. A system for detecting aircraft, ships, etc.
7. An action
8. Pieces of music for one person
9. Grass that grows on the seashore
10. In music, half a semibreve
11. Doctrine
12. Restorer

Answer: 1. Midday – Noon
2. A young dog – Pup
3. Flat – Level
4. Word for addressing a lady – Madam
5. An Eskimo canoe – Kayak
6. A system for detecting aircraft, ships, etc. – Radar
7. An action – Deed
8. Pieces of music for one person – Solos
9. Grass that grows on the seashore – Marram
10. In music, half a semibreve – Minim
11. Doctrine – Tenet
12. Restorer – Reviver

 

Wednesday’s Quizzler is…….

Emperor Akbar once ruled over India. He was a wise and intelligent ruler; and he had in his court the Nine Gems, his nine advisors, who were each known for a particular skill. One of these Gems was Birbal, known for his wit and wisdom. The story below is one of the examples of his wit. Do you have it in you to find the answer?

Once, Birbal was invited to Persia by the Persian king. He was honoured with celebrations in his honour and many presents and gifts were heaped on him.

After a few days of revelry and enjoyment, it was time to head back home. On the eve of his departure, a nobleman of Persia asked him how he would describe the king of Persia in comparison to his own king.

“Your king is the full moon,” said Birbal. “Whereas mine is like the quarter moon.”

The Persians were very happy with this answer and sent Birbal off with great pomp and gaiety.

But when Birbal got home, he found that Emperor Akbar was furious. It was obvious that information about his “praise” of the Persian king had preceded his own arrival.

“How could you belittle your own king?” demanded a furious Emperor Akbar. “You are a traitor!”

Birbal objected to this and said that he had, in fact, praised his own king! How did Birbal explain this to the king?

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

RECOMMENDED WEBSITE LINKS:

http://www.slampi.org, http://www.hopeBUILD.org, http://www.GodLovesPraise.com, https://elisabethluxe.com, http://www.themuscleministry.com,

CHECK OUT MY BOOK online at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FF669PT/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1531337765&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Banquet+Servers+Hand+Guide#,

Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store. http://www.amazon.com

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