Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

funny uplifting quotes Unique How Much Do You Charge for Wednesday Motivation Meme Photos
WELCOME to Monday March 4, 2019 
COMPUTER PROVERBS to help you get in touch with your inner geek!

* Home is where you hang your @.
* The E-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail.
* A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click.
* You can’t teach a new mouse old clicks.
* C: is the root of all directories.
* Don’t put all your hypes in one home page.
* Pentium wise; pen and paper foolish.
* The modem is the message.
* Too many clicks spoil the browse.
* The geek shall inherit the earth.
* A chat has nine lives.
* Don’t byte off more than you can view.
* What boots up must come down.
* Windows will never cease.
* Modulation in all things.
* A user and his leisure time are soon parted.
* Know what to expect before you connect.
* Oh, what a tangled website we weave when first we practice.
* Internet Speed thrills.

* Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day, teach him to use the Net and he won’t bother you for weeks.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people and whatever
you do, don’t forget to LAFF IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!


“Humor is reason gone mad.”

– Groucho Marx
“I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head
with it.”- Groucho Marx
“I must confess, I was born at a very early age.”
– Groucho Marx
“Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good
resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them
as usual.” -Mark Twain
“New Year’s Eve, where auld acquaintance be forgot. Unless,
of course, those tests come back positive” -Jay Leno
“Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank

where they have no account.” -Oscar Wilde

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes…

This fellow’s wife was constantly nagging him to teach her
to play golf. Finally, one morning he relented and off they
go. First hole: Par 3, 179 yards, very pretty. The husband
steps up first and says, “Now watch me, and do the same
thing.” He hits a beautiful shot, lands on the green with
about 30 feet to the cup.

The wife steps up, drills it, hooks it, and it ricochets off
a tree, bounces off a rock and rolls up onto the green and
drops into the cup. The husband looks at this, and says, “OK,
now you know how to play, let’s go home.” 😳



Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???

“I watch them, wondering how they can watch you bring their food and clear their tables, and never get that they just met the greatest woman alive. And the fact that I get it makes me feel good, about me.”
Answer:   As Good As It Gets!
Spoken by the inimitable Melvin, played by Jack Nicholson, a famous writer suffering from an obsessive compulsive disorder, to Carol, a waitress, played by Helen Hunt, in that brilliantly entertaining movie. “As Good As It Gets” is a love story between two emotionally bruised people who find each other. These words are from one of the moving scenes where Melvin is trying to express to Carol the effect she has upon him.

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Christmas. Christmas dinner. Dinner means death. Death means carnage! Christmas means carnage! Christmas means carnage!”


Friday’s Quizzler is……

The Pope has it but he does not use it.
Your father has it but your mother uses it.
Nuns do not need it.
Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one,
Michael J. Fox’s is quite small.
What is it?   

Answer:  A last name.


Monday’s Quizzler is…….

There are five weather forecasters getting ready for a weekend forecast. Each forecaster is predicting different weather and is choosing a suit and “tie” (yes, the women, too) of different color combinations. There are 3 men (John, Matt and Tim) and 2 women (Karen and Sarah).

Can you determine the color of the suit, the color and pattern of the tie, and the weather prediction for each forecaster?

1. The forecaster who wore a black suit did not predict snow or rain.

2. Many viewers called in to comment on the whimsically printed tan tie and brown suit combination.

3. The five forecasters were: Matt, the woman who predicted high winds, the person in a black suit, the man with a striped tie, and the woman in an olive suit.

4. A solid white tie was chosen to represent the snowy forecast that day.

5. John’s orange tie was hated by his wife.

6. Sarah had a teal colored tie which was not floral.

7. Tim predicted sun and did not wear brown or black.

8. The man who predicted rain did not wear a striped tie.

9. The blue suit was worn by a man.


 LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at


CHECK OUT MY BOOK online at, The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store.


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