Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Tuesday March 5, 2019

Things it takes most of us 50 years to learn:

1. The badness of a movie is directly proportional to the number of airplanes, guns, and helicopters in it.

2. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight-saving time.

3. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests you think she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment. 😳

4. The most powerful force in the universe is: gossip.

5. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above-average drivers.

6. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is: age 11.

7. There is a very fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness.”

8. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

9. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be “meetings.”

10. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them.

11. If there really is a God who created the entire universe with all of its glories, and he decides to deliver a message to humanity, he will NOT use as his messenger a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle or in some cases, really bad make-up too.

12. You should not confuse your career with your life.

13. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter/janitor, is not a nice person. Really..

14. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.

15. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.

16. Your true friends love you, anyway.

17. Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a happy Tuesday people and whatever

you do, don’t forget to LAFF IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

DAILY QUOTES…

Old age isn’t so bad when you consider

the alternatives. (Maurice Chevalier, on 77th birthday)

People ask me what I’d most appreciate getting

for my eighty-seventh birthday. I’ll tell you: a paternity suit. (George Burns)

Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life. (Herbert Henry Asquith)

The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly and lie about your age. (Lucille Ball)

There are three ages of man – youth, age, and ‘you’re looking wonderful.’ (Francis Spellman)

I don’t feel old – I don’t feel anything until noon.Then it’s time for my nap. (Bob Hope)

When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished by how much he’d learned in seven years.

(Anonymous, often erroneously attributed to Mark Twain)

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes…

Not quite grasping the sanctity of “Monday Night Football,”
I plunked myself next to my new husband one Monday night to chat.
He was distracted by the action on TV, and after being
shushed a few times, I gave him a “look.”

Immediately contrite, he picked up the remote. “I’m sorry,
honey,” he apologized, “I’m being rude. You go ahead and
talk–I’ll just turn up the volume.” 😳

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???

“Christmas. Christmas dinner. Dinner means death. Death means carnage! Christmas means carnage! Christmas means carnage!”

Answer: Babe!
A truly delightful movie which appeals to all ages, this line is spoken by Ferdinand the Duck – with a gulp. It’s almost Christmas Day and he knows the fate of table birds on these occasions.

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Now it isn’t that I don’t like you, Susan, because, after all, in moments of quiet, I’m strangely drawn toward you, but – well – there haven’t been any quiet moments.”

Monday’s Quizzler is……There are five weather forecasters getting ready for a weekend forecast. Each forecaster is predicting different weather and is choosing a suit and “tie” (yes, the women, too) of different color combinations. There are 3 men (John, Matt and Tim) and 2 women (Karen and Sarah).

Can you determine the color of the suit, the color and pattern of the tie, and the weather prediction for each forecaster?

1. The forecaster who wore a black suit did not predict snow or rain.

2. Many viewers called in to comment on the whimsically printed tan tie and brown suit combination.

3. The five forecasters were: Matt, the woman who predicted high winds, the person in a black suit, the man with a striped tie, and the woman in an olive suit.

4. A solid white tie was chosen to represent the snowy forecast that day.

5. John’s orange tie was hated by his wife.

6. Sarah had a teal colored tie which was not floral.

7. Tim predicted sun and did not wear brown or black.

8. The man who predicted rain did not wear a striped tie.

9. The blue suit was worn by a man.

Answer: John, black suit, orange floral tie, foggy
Tim, blue suit, striped pink tie, sunny
Sarah, gray suit, dotted teal tie, windy
Matt, brown suit, whimsical tan tie, rainy
Karen, olive suit, solid white tie, snowy

Tuesday’s Quizzler is…….

Once a year, a ballroom dancing extravaganza at the local country club is the social event of the season. Each of five distinguished pairs stole the spotlight in a different dance, earning them not only the admiration of all those present but also a romantic dinner for two at the club on an evening of their choice. From the information provided, determine the husband and wife who comprise each couple and their shared surname, as well as the type of dance in which each couple excelled.

Husbands: Andrew, Bradley, Logan, Nathan, Stewart
Wives: Audrey, Lorraine, Margaret, Phyllis, Vanessa
Surname: Kavanaugh, Levy, Moylan, Northrop, Powell
Dance: Fox Trot, Jitterbug, Mambo, Tango, Waltz

1. Bradley (who didn’t do the jitterbug) isn’t Mr. Northrop.

2. Phyllis’s surname is Moylan

3. Neither Margaret (who isn’t Ms. Northrop) nor Audrey is either the woman who danced the jitterbug with Mr. Levy (who isn’t Nathan) or the one who danced the tango with her companion.

4. Stewart (who isn’t surnamed Levy) isn’t the man who danced the fox trot and Vanessa wasn’t his partner.

5. Neither Audrey nor the woman who danced a stunning waltz is married to Mr. Powell (who isn’t Bradley).

6. Lorraine didn’t dance the tango.

7. Audrey isn’t Ms. Northrop and Margaret isn’t the woman who danced the mambo with her husband.

8. Andrew’s last name is Kavanaugh.

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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