Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

Funny-Squirrel

WELCOME to Thursday March 14, 2019

 

NEW DRUGS JUST RELEASED ON THE MARKET!  
DAMNITOL: Take two and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to eight full hours.

EMPTYNESTROGEN: Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn’t wait till they moved out.

ST. MOMMA’S WORT: Plant extract that treats mom’s depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to two days.

FLIPITOR: Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.

MENICILLIN: Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lethal lines as, “You make me want to be a better person.”

BUYAGRA: Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree.

JACKASSPIRIN: Relieves headache caused by a man who can’t remember your birthday, anniversary, phone number, or to lift the toilet seat

ANTI-TALKSIDENT: A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators.

NAGAMENT: When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides the same irritation level as nagging him, without opening your mouth. 

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAFF IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

 

 

DAILY QUOTES…

“There are some accusations that Silicon Valley discriminates against people because of

their age. Elderly groups are so furious about this that they plan to send Silicon Valley an angry fax.” -Conan O’Brien

“Hasbro announced they are making a new version of Monopoly to appeal to a younger
generation. That means it won’t come with any cash, so you’ll have to borrow
some from your parents’ Monopoly set.” -Jimmy Fallon
“A man in Austria yesterday tried to enter a court with a bag of cockroaches. ‘Get those
horrible creatures out of here!’ said the cockroaches about the lawyers.” -Seth Meyers
 
 
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes…. 
We were thoroughly confused. While transcribing medical
audiotapes, my co-worker came upon the following garbled
diagnosis: “This man has pholenfrometry.”

Knowing nothing about that particular condition, she
double-checked with the doctor. After listening to the
tape, he shook his head.

“This man,” he said, translating for her, “has fallen from
a tree.” 😳😱😭 

 

 

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ​”The Grey Hair’s children were under Magua’s knife but escaped. They’ll be under it again.”
“Why do you hate the Grey Hair, Magua?”

Answer:  The Last of the Mohicans
In the events leading up to this scene, Indian scout Magua (Wes Studi) has lead a column of British soldiers, British Colonel Munro’s two daughters, and frontiersman Hawkeye (Daniel Day-Lewis) to Colonel Munro at Fort William Henry (Magua calls him “Grey Hair”). However, Magua is actually allied with the French. In this scene the British situation is being discussed by Magua, French General Montcalm (Patrice Chéreau) and French Captain De Bougainville (Dylan Baker). Magua says the first line and General Montcalm asks him the second line. In the 1993 Academy Awards “The Last of the Mohicans” won the Oscar for Best Sound. The movie soundtrack is one of my favorites.


Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “He has a knife.” “That’s not a knife. THAT’S a knife.”


 

 

Wednesday’s Quizzler is…. When you curtail a word, you remove the last letter and still have a valid word. You will be given clues for the two words, longer word first.

Example: Begin -> Heavenly body
Answer: The words are Start and Star.

1. Evergreen tree -> Thin, pointed piece of metal
2. Burning process -> Evergreen tree
3. Gaze intently -> Heavenly body
4. Subject; unifying idea -> Those people
5. Money paid for work -> Move from side to side
6. Soft-surfaced leather -> Took to court
7. Harsh; extreme -> To cut off
8. To bring together -> A single thing
 

Answer1. Pine -> Pin
2. Fire -> Fir
3. Stare -> Star
4. Theme -> Them
5. Wage -> Wag
6. Suede -> Sued
7. Severe -> Sever
8. Unite -> Unit

 

 

Thursday’s Quizzler is…….

What does this rebus represent?

1.Bob drowned Frosted Flakes
2.Joe buried Cap’n Crunch
3.Sarah threw Rice Krispies off a cliff
4.Emily shot Cocoa Puffs


 

 

 

 

 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

RECOMMENDED WEBSITE LINKS:

http://www.slampi.org, http://www.hopeBUILD.org, http://www.GodLovesPraise.com, https://elisabethluxe.com, http://www.themuscleministry.com,

CHECK OUT MY BOOK online at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FF669PT/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1531337765&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Banquet+Servers+Hand+Guide#,

Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store. http://www.amazon.com

 

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