Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Wednesday March 27, 2019

25 Phrases Of Wisdom….

1. If you’re too open minded, your brains will fall out.

2. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

3. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more

than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.

4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.😁

5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one

you’ve never tried before.

6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

12. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

15. No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness

of the waist change places.

18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

19. Junk is something you’ve kept for years and throw away

three weeks before you need it.

20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.😳

21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to

recognize a mistake when you make it again.

22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.

25. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused. 😎

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAFF IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

DAILY QUOTES…

“Scientists believe they may have found a plant that is over a billion years old. Turns out

it’s the lettuce on a Carl’s Jr. burger.” -Conan O’Brien

“Today is the first day of spring! Yep, it’s that day when millions of Americans look at their bodies in the mirror and ask, ‘Can we get, like, two more months of winter?'” -Jimmy Fallon

“A Canadian woman last week proposed to her boyfriend at a hockey game with a bouquet of Doritos made to look like roses. It even spawned a new flavor – Nacho Boyfriend Anymore.” -Seth Meyers😁

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….

GOLF DEFINED….

GOLF, n.

1. A game that consists of a lot of walking, broken up by

disappointment and bad arithmetic.

2. A game of opposites – the world’s slowest people are

ahead of you, and the fastest are behind.

3. A colorful sport that keeps you on the green, in the

pink, and financially in the red.

4. A game which is allowed to be played on Sunday (under

blue laws) because it was not considered a game by the

law, but a form of moral effort.

5. A game a lot like taxation – you drive hard to get to

the green, and then you find yourself in a hole.

GOLF CART, n.

1. A popular mode of transportation because, unlike a

caddie, it can neither count, criticize, nor snicker.

GOLFER, n.

1. A person who yells “fore,” takes six, and puts down

five;😁

2. A guy who has the advantage over a fisherman – he

doesn’t have to bring home anything when he brags he

had a great day.

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “What exactly does this stuff do?” “If the rocket renders it aerosol, it could take out an entire city of people.” – “Really? And what happens if you dropped one?” “Happily, it’ll just wipe out you and me.”

Answer:The Rock! A group of disgruntled soldiers have taken over the impenetrable Alcatraz, and are holding a group of tourists hostage. They’re also threatening to launch a nerve gas attack against San Francisco if their demands aren’t met. As the only man to have ever escaped from Alcatraz, Mason is released from prison long enough to help lead a squad in, undetected. Goodspeed is the somewhat nerdy chemist whose job it is to actually disarm the rockets. This exchange occurs while he is trying to do just that.

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???“Oh how reckless of me. I made you all wet.”
“Yes, but my martini is still dry. My name is James.”

Tuesday’s Quizzler is….Given the word STANDARD, take away two letters and add three digits to make a logical sequence.

Answer: Take away the A’s to leave ST ND RD.
Then add 1, 2, and 3: 1ST 2ND 3RD.

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……. Using real names to make common words/phrases, name the offspring: (the first one is free!)

1. Mr and Mrs Voyant – Clare (as in Clairvoyant)
2. Mr and Mrs Tress
3. Mr and Mrs Nasium
4. Mr and Mrs Tate
5. Mr and Mrs Anthemum
6. Mr and Mrs Mander
7. Mr and Mrs Mite
8. Mr and Mrs Time

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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