Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Friday March 29, 2019

REAL 911 CALLS….

 
Dispatcher: 911 What is your emergency?
Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner.
Dispatcher: Do you have an address?
Caller: No, I have on a blouse and slacks, why?😱
 
Dispatcher: 911 What is your emergency?
Caller: Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and cheese sandwich.
Dispatcher: Excuse me?
Caller: I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen table and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had taken a bite out of it.
Dispatcher: Was anything else taken?
Caller: No, but this has happened to me before and I’m sick and tired of it!
Dispatcher: 911
Caller: Yeah, I’m having trouble breathing. I’m all out of breath. Darn….I think I’m going to pass out.
Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
Caller: I’m at a pay phone. North and Foster.
Dispatcher: ! Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?
Caller: No
Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing?
Caller: Running from the Police.
Dispatcher: 911 What is the nature of your emergency?
Caller: I’m trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn’t have an eleven on it.
Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one
Dispatcher: Yes, ma’am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.
Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I’m not stupid.😳
Dispatcher: 911 What’s the nature of your emergency?
Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart
Dispatcher: Is this her first child?

Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband!

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAFF IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

 

DAILY QUOTES…

 “A new report claims that William Shakespeare was a marijuana user and may have

been high when he wrote some of his plays. Which explains that one line: ‘To be,
or not to be… Wait, what was the question?'” -Jimmy Fallon

“The Dallas Public Library displays one of the original copies of the Declaration of Independence –
also the only copy stained with barbecue sauce.” -Conan O’Brien
“A man in India has set a new world record for fastest nose-typing. I think the most surprising
part of it is that there was an OLD world record for nose-typing.” -Seth Meyers

 
 
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….  
As the plane was flying low over some hills near Athens, a
lady asked the stewardess: “What’s that stuff all over those
hills?”

“Just snow,” replied the stewardess.

“That’s what I thought,” said the lady, “but this fellow in
front of me said it was Greece.”😱😳😎

 

 

 

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “You wanna know how to do it? Here’s how. They pull a knife, you pull a gun. He sends one of your guys to the hospital, you send one of his to the morgue. That’s the Chicago way, and that’s how you get Capone!”

Answer:  The Untouchables!
Federal Agent Eliot Ness has vowed to take down Al Capone. In order to do this he must assemble a hand-picked group of men who can’t be bought by Capone’s money. One of his first choices is cop Jim Malone, who offers Ness this advice on how to achieve his goal. Sean Connery finally won an Academy Award for his performance as the street-wise Malone.

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???“Eat her!” – 
“Oh please, yuck!” – 
“Aren’t we squeamish? You ate Sir Egglemore, hypocrite!” – 
“I merely chewed in self-defense, but I never swallowed.” – 
 

 

Thursday’s Quizzler is…. One snowy night, Sherlock Holmes was in his house sitting by a fire. All of a sudden a snowball came crashing through his window, breaking it. Holmes got up and looked out the window just in time to see three neighborhood kids who were brothers run around a corner. Their names were John Crimson, Mark Crimson and Paul Crimson. The next day Holmes got a note on his door that read “? Crimson. He broke your window.” Which of the three Crimson brothers should Sherlock Holmes question about the incident?

Answer: Mark Crimson
“?” = question MARK, so the note on the door reads “Question Mark Crimson. He broke your window.”  

 
 

 

Friday’s Quizzler is……. Happy Hauntings costume store threw their annual Halloween party, complete with food, dancing, and a little friendly competition. The company arranged 5 competitions (bobbing for apples, ring toss, scavenger hunt, pumpkin carving, and a scariest costume contest), with 5 different prizes (movie premier tickets, theater tickets, 4 passes to a local amusement park, and 2 gift certificates to a local restaurant). Each competition was won by a different employee, wearing a different costume purchased from the Happy Hauntings store. Can you determine the full name of each employee, what costume they wore, what contest they won, and which prize they received?

1) Belinda did not bob for apples, but she did win a gift certificate, which she shared with the man who won the tickets to the theater.

2) The 5 employees were: Amy, Mr. Brown, the one who dressed as a bat, the one who won the theater tickets, and the woman who won the pumpkin carving contest (who did not win movie tickets).

3) Robert, John, and Mary have the same last initial.

4) The women’s costumes were: the one worn by Ms. Smith, the one worn by the woman who won the ring toss, and the skeleton.

5) During dinner, John sat at the same table as Frankenstein, the skeleton, and the woman who won the apple bobbing contest (who was not dressed as Dracula). The bat sat 2 tables over.

6) The man who won scariest costume received a $50 gift certificate, which he later used to take Ms. Black to dinner.

7) Later that week, John Beals went to dinner with the woman dressed as a bat, after they went to the theater, using the prizes they won at the party.

 

 

 

 

 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

RECOMMENDED WEBSITE LINKS:

http://www.slampi.org, http://www.hopeBUILD.org, http://www.GodLovesPraise.com, https://elisabethluxe.com, http://www.themuscleministry.com,

CHECK OUT MY BOOK online at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FF669PT/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1531337765&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Banquet+Servers+Hand+Guide#,

Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store. http://www.amazon.com

 

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