Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Friday April 5, 2019

Pungraphy for the weekend…. 

1. The smoker always listened to his favorite Rap artist on his smoke breaks. He was a Tupac a day man.

2. If you spend too much time in the coffee shop you’ll be latte for work.

3. The golfer guessed that his ball landed 20 feet off the fairway. Of course, that was just a rough estimate.

4. A cheese manufacturer located on the coastline was called Ocean Bries.

5. You should always use basil the day you buy it – as they say, herb today, gone tomorrow.

6. When she made Mario Puzo’s books required reading for her class, she made him an author they couldn’t refuse.

7. Did you hear about the pig who couldn’t tie his own shoe laces? He was too ham fisted.

8. I found out surprisingly, Julius Caesar preferred ranch.

9. What about the mathematician that did not practice safe six and ended up with a binarial disease.

10. During the rainy season I spread out large books for my guests to wipe their feet on. These are the tomes that dry men’s soles.

11. I can’t recall the last time I did any running, but I’ve been jogging my memory. 

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAFF IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

 

DAILY QUOTES…

“A new article in ‘Newsweek’ is out talking about what it’s
like to be an atheist. I actually have a friend who’s an
atheist, and married to a Jehovah Witness. Their kids are
a little strange. They go out and knock on doors but don’t
know why.” -Jay Leno

 
“Space isn’t remote at all. It’s only an hour’s drive away…

if your car could go straight upwards.” –Sir Fred Hoyle
“Sure, everyone always said ‘Socrates what is the meaning of
life?’ or ‘Socrates how can I find happiness?’, but did any-
one ever say ‘Socrates hemlock is poison.’?!” –Socrates
“The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your

life.” –George Carlin

 
 
 
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….  
My little niece, Kelly, went with a neighbor girl to church

for First Communion practice. The pastor has the children
cup their hands, and when he gives them the “Host,” in this
case, a piece of bread, he says, “God be with you.”

Apparently this made quite an impression on my niece. She
came home and told her mother to cup her hands and bend
down. Kelly took a piece of bread from her sandwich, placed
it in her mother’s hands, and whispered, in her most angelic
voice, “God will get you.” 😱😁

 

 

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???“I must thank the pipe-smoking Colonel Arbuthnot for a remark which finally resolved all my confusions about this, uh…this extraordinary case… “Trial by twelve good men and true is a sound system.” 

Answer: Murder on the Orient Express! When a man is found murdered on the Orient Express, the brilliant Hercule Poirot is called upon to solve the case. He soon finds that the victim was a guilty of kidnapping and murdering a young child, and that virtually everyone in the train car has some kind of connection with the case. Poirot delivers this line near the end of the movie, just as he is about to deliver his findings to the amassed group.  

 

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???  “Watch what I can do. Come on. It’s alright. Look. The water’s stiff.”

 

Thursday’s Quizzler is…. The following phrases are colloquialisms, idioms or proverbs that are written in their literal, and rather complicated form. Can you uncover their true meanings and solve this teaser?  Example: “Don’t place the two wheeled vehicle in a position preceding the equine mammal,” is the proverb “Don’t put the cart before the horse.”

1. Positive aesthetic appeal is solely the equivalent of the thickness of the epidermis.

2. The ground covering of slender leaved plants is always a more vibrant hue of a common secondary color in the proximity of the opposite surface of a structure serving as a boundary.

3. Produce the sound of sharp tapping by striking blows to a processed piece of secondary xylem from a large perennial plant.

4. The gyre that emanates shrill sounds receives the viscous lubricant.

Answer1. Beauty is only skin deep.
2. The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.
3. Knock on wood.
4. The squeaky wheel gets the grease.

 

Friday’s Quizzler is……. Some anagrams are almost too good to be true. The letters in the capitalised words or phrases can be rearranged in delightful ways to fill the gaps!
e.g. Is my lovely _____ really a WOMAN HITLER?
Answer: mother-in-law

1. The _____ Church can be BEST IN PRAYER.

2. The school bully gave his victim NINE THUMPS as a _____.

3. Someone with BAD CREDIT can still manage to pay with a _____.

4. If you missed it last time, keep waiting, for _____ SHALL YET COME!

5. Perhaps because _____ could be a NICE SILKY WOMAN, a president fell for her!

 

 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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