Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Tuesday April 9, 2019

Paraprosdokians (Winston Churchill loved them) are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected, frequently humorous.
1. Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on my list.
3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right–only who is left.
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
9. I didn’t say it was your fault; I said I was blaming you.
10. In filling out an application, where it says, ‘In case of emergency, Notify:’ I put ‘DOCTOR.’
11. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut and still think they are sexy.
12. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
13. I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not so sure.
14. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
15. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
16. You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
17. I’m supposed to respect my elders, but it’s getting harder and harder for me to find one now.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a happy Tuesday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAFF IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

DAILY QUOTES…

“The FDA is warning New Yorkers about Chinese food after a major Brooklyn distributor

was found with rats and birds nesting in boxes of ingredients. The distributor says
it’s all a misunderstanding – those ARE the ingredients.” -Seth Meyers

“The Wall Street Journal reported that America has a surplus of cheese and that every
person in the country would have to eat an extra three pounds of cheese this year to
get rid of it. So the next time the pizza guy judges you for ordering extra cheese,
just say, ‘I’m doing this for America.'” -Jimmy Fallon
“The electronics company LG identified a new phenomenon called low-battery anxiety.
People become nervous, distracted, and frustrated when their phones are about to die.
If you are not familiar with low-battery anxiety, it’s a real condition that primarily
affects people with no actual problems.” -James Corden

 
 
 
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….
One evening after dinner, a five-year-old son noticed that his mother had gone out
and he asked, “Where did mommy go?”
His father told him, “Mommy is at a Tupperware party.”
This explanation satisfied him for only a moment. “What’s a Tupperware party, Dad?”
The man had always given my son honest answers, so he figured a simple explanation would be
the best approach. “Well, son,” he said, “at a Tupperware party, a bunch of ladies sit around and sell plastic bowls to each other.”
He nodded, indicating that he understood this curious pastime.
Then he burst into laughter. “Come on, Dad,” he said. “What is it really?” 😁

 

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “Six feet three and a half inches. Now let’s stick to the facts.”


Answer: Harvey!  This film was based on Mary Chase’s Pulitzer Prize winning play of the same name – about a man whose best friend is a ‘pooka’, who exists as a large invisible rabbit called Harvey. Elwood P. Dowd (James Stewart) is talking to Marvin Wilson (Jesse White), who is a sanitarium orderly, and Miss Kelly (Peggy Dow), who is a nurse, in the sanitarium after Elwood’s sister, Vita Louise Simmons, has a disastrous party as a result of Elwood arriving with Harvey (his invisible rabbit friend). She decides that Elwood should be committed to a mental institution. James Stewart made the comment because Miss Kelly was discussing that Elwood had been brought into the hospital because he went to the garden party with Harvey. Interestingly, James Stewart was six feet four inches tall and spent the entire movie looking ‘up’ whenever he was speaking to Harvey.


Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “What’s the most you’ve ever lost in a coin toss?”

 

Monday’s Quizzler is….Two nights ago at a dinner party, Mr. Mentum was killed by one of his guests. Detective Dens was put on the case and took statements. But the good detective is getting a tooth pulled today so you, a rookie officer, are called in to take on his case. From his notes you glean the following information about people’s whereabouts and potential murder weapons:


Names: Fawn, Jake, Kyle, Lance, Sara
Rooms: bedroom, conservatory, dining room, observatory, sitting room
Weapons: candlestick, gun, knife, poison, rope

Either Lance was in the dining room, or the man with the knife was in the sitting room.
Either Jake had the rope, or Lance was in the observatory.
Either Kyle was in the conservatory, or Jake was in the bedroom.
The five suspects are Sara, the person in the bedroom, the person in the dining room, the person with the rope, and the person with the knife.
The woman with the poison was not in the dining room.
The rope was in the sitting room, and the gun was in the bedroom.

After some intense scrutinizing and a couple cups of coffee, you take your solution of each person’s location and weapon of choice to the police. Since the body was found in the observatory, they know just who to bring in for extra questioning.

 

AnswerFawn had the gun in the bedroom.
Jake had the rope in the sitting room.
Kyle had the knife in the conservatory.
Lance had the candlestick in the dining room.
Sara had the poison in the observatory.

You bring Sara in and she confesses after a brief interrogation. Detective Dens is pleased with your good work and gives you a commemorative plaque!

 

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……. Five people (3 girls: Katie, Anna, & Grace and 2 boys Chris & Michael) are going to the beach. Each of them brought something different, a different colored towel, plans to do something and eat something. Figure out what each person brought with them, the color of their towel, what they will do at the beach, and what they will eat. Good luck!

The purple towel got a lot of use from the girl who was tanning.

The sunscreen had to be waterproof because the user got really wet.

Of course the surfer had to bring his surfboard from home.

Eating her snocone in the shade of her umbrella kept it from melting on her blue towel.

Ketchup, from his snack, dripped all over a boy’s red towel leaving red drops all over it.

Only the boys got more than their feet wet.

Katie asked Anna if she thought the owner of the yellow towel would mind if Katie put her cooler on his towel while he surfed.

The seashell collector spread out her findings on her pink towel.

Anna remembered her sand bucket but didn’t have enough money to get a snocone after paying for her nachos.

The bucket wasn’t used for playing in the sand.

The hamburger was ordered with just mayo, mustard, and pickles.

The hotdog eater had a little sunscreen taste to the dog because it dripped from his water soaked hair.

Being so fair skinned Michael had to be sure to use his high spf sunscreen when out in the water.

The girl who played in the sand used her umbrella to shade her.

The contents of the cooler contained Coke, chips, water, and ice.

Anna is worried about wrinkles and doesn’t like to tan

 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

RECOMMENDED WEBSITE LINKS:

http://www.slampi.org, http://www.hopeBUILD.org, http://www.GodLovesPraise.com, https://elisabethluxe.com, http://www.themuscleministry.com,

CHECK OUT MY BOOK online at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FF669PT/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1531337765&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Banquet+Servers+Hand+Guide#,

Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store. http://www.amazon.com

 

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