Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Monday April 15, 2019

Dinner Stories at Your 50th Class Reunion:

1. How to treat constipation.

2. Ten rules to shrink the belly!

3. Tricks to losing belly fat.

4. The Prune Juice Conspiracy! (Fiber secrets)

5. A woman’s trick to losing stubborn tummy & bottom fat!

6. Where did the years and hair go?

7. Winning the Gallagher look alike contest for the 3rd time.

8. How to keep looking young with Hair tie dyes!

9. Collagen rub and wrinkles!

10. When loose body fat migrates.

11. Hobbling to the hits! (The secret is in the large rubber walker wheels)

12. How to make round look good!

13. Using the defibrillator on the dance floor!

14. The poot and scoot moves in a crowd.

15. Learning to eat with less teeth! (Chewing on the left!)

16. Where to find that special size 60 inch Fruit of the Looms with the spandex tops..

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAFF IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

DAILY QUOTES...

At the height of laughter, the universe is flung into a kaleidoscope of new possibilities. –Jean Houston

I am grateful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.–Woody Allen

Laughter is the shortest distance between two people. –Victor Borge

A person who knows how to laugh at himself will never cease to be amused. –Shirley MacClain

A day without laughter is a day wasted. –Charlie Chaplin

If you’re too busy to laugh, you are too busy. –Proverb

If we couldn’t laugh, we would all going to go insane. –Jimmy Buffett

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes…. My niece’s class assignment was to interview a senior citizen about his or her life, so she asked me, “What was the biggest historical event that happened during your childhood?” “I’d have to say the moonwalk,” I replied. She looked disappointed. “That dance was so important to you?” 😳😁

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “Go ahead, make my day.”

Answer: Sudden Impact! This phrase is used by Harry Callahan, played by Clint Eastwood, as a gunman is holding a waitress hostage during a hold-up at a diner. Harry points his .44 Magnum in the gunman’s face and dares him to shoot, saying “Go ahead, make my day!”

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???“He hates these cans, stay away from these cans.”

Friday’s Quizzler is…. Take the given words, and by moving a single letter from one word to the other, make a pair of synonyms, or near synonyms. For example, given: Boast – Hip, move the ‘s’ from ‘Boast’ to ‘Hip’ creating two synonyms: Boat – Ship.

1. Died – Ante
2. Laze – Fibre
3. Clock – Lose
4. Font – Heard
5. Snaked – Tripped

Answer: 1. Dined – Ate
2. Blaze – Fire
3. Lock – Close
4. Front – Head
5. Naked – Stripped

Monday’s Quizzler is…….

Emperor Akbar once ruled over India. He was a wise and intelligent ruler, and he had in his court the Nine Gems, his nine advisors, who were each known for a particular skill. One of these Gems was Birbal, known for his wit and wisdom. The story below is one of the examples of his wit. Do you have it in you to find out the answer?

Emperor Akbar was very fond of Birbal as were many of the village people. However, this made quite a few of Akbar’s other ministers jealous.

One day, they decided to come up with a plan to rid them of the “great” Birbal. To avoid suspicion from falling on them, they took the help of the emperor’s barber in this plan.

A week later, while Akbar was receiving a haircut, the barber lightly mentioned that he knew of someone who could allow Akbar to reach and even converse with his ancestors who had passed away, but he also stated the man who would go to the heavens would have to be witty, intelligent and wise. Akbar instantly recommended Birbal for the task.

Birbal was told that a fire would be lit around him and the smoke would carry him to heaven; however, chanting would protect him from burning to his death. Birbal instantly knew that this was a plan to get rid of him, but not wishing to anger the emperor, he agreed to perform this task in a month. During this period of time, he asked some laborers to build a tunnel connecting his house to the cemetery, where the “rites” would be held.

When the day came, Birbal escaped his death by going to his house where he stayed for a month growing out his beard. A month later, he went back to Akbar’s palace. When asked about the health of Akbar’s ancestors, Birbal replied that they were doing very well but were missing just one thing.

What did Birbal say they were missing in heaven?

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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