Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Monday April 22, 2019

Here’s the story….
This guy was watching TV as his wife was out cutting the
grass during the hot summer. He finally worked up the energy
to go out and ask his wife what was for supper.

Well, his missus was quite irritated about him sitting in
the air conditioned house all day while she did all the
work, so she scolded him. “I can’t believe you’re asking me
about supper right now! Imagine I’m out of town, go inside
and figure dinner out yourself.”

So he went back in the house and fixed himself a big steak,
with potatoes, garlic bread and tall glass of iced tea.

The wife finally walked in about the time he was finishing
up and asked him, “You fixed something to eat? So where is
mine?”

“Huh? I thought you were out of town.” 😱😁😎

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAFF IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

DAILY QUOTES…

“There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on
the shore like an idiot.”
– Steven Wright

“No wise man ever wished to be younger.”
– Jonathan Swift

“I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity
to anyone, but they’ve always worked for me.”
– Hunter S. Thompson

“Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act.”

– Truman Capote

“There’s an old saying about those who forget history.

I don’t remember it, but it’s good.”

– Stephen Colbert

“A wise man can see more from the bottom of a well than a

fool can from a mountain top.”

– Unknown

“This time, like all times, is a very good one if we but

know what to do with it.” –Ralph Waldo Emerson

Hospitality, n. The virtue which induces us to feed and

lodge certain persons who are not in need of food and

lodging. –Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary

“We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to

public office.” –Aesop

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….

The day I started my construction job, I was in the office
filling out an employee form when I came to the section that
asked: Single____, Married____, Divorced____.

I marked single. Glancing at the man next to me, who was
also filling out his form, I noticed he hadn’t marked any
of the blanks. Instead he had written, ‘Yes, in that order.’😎

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???“Kid, Kid, what a time to fall off the wagon. Look at your eyes.”

“What’s wrong with my eyes?”

“Well they’re red, bloodshot.”

“You ought to see ’em from my side.”

Answer: Cat Ballou!

This conversation is between Jackson Two-Bears and Kid Sheleen. Jackson is scolding Kid for getting drunk when he is needed to help foil Cat Ballou’s hanging and help her escape. Jane Fonda plays school teacher, Catherine Ballou, and Lee Marvin plays the drunken gunfighter, Kid Shelleen. Cat Ballou has hired Kid to protect her father and his ranch from rich, corrupt tycoon, Sir Harry Percival, and his hired gunfighter. When they kill her father to get his ranch, Kid stays to help her get revenge. She also enlists the help of her father’s hired hand, Jackson Two-Bears, Clay Boone, who she meets by chance on a train while he is escaping custody of a sheriff and Clay’s Uncle Jed. The gang robs a train of a payroll and Cat ends up shooting and killing Sir Harry Percival, which is why she is to be hanged.

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.”

Friday’s Quizzler is…. The below classified ads were spotted in this week’s newspaper. They all share a common feature.

What is that common feature, and who is each ad’s author?

1. Crimson cloaked young female seeks protection services. Task include food courier service. Outdoor experience a plus. Inquire with grandmother.

2. For Sale: 20 mattresses. Like new, used only once. Each shares common irregularity, not discernible by most. Make offer.

3. For Sale: Two adjacent lots. Located near new brick housing. Land can be cleared of debris upon request. Will build to suit.

4. Debris removal services required. Have large amounts of vegetation that requires cut up and removal. Please call for details. Gold or specialty hybrid seeds available for trade.

5. Lost: 1 Slipper, translucent in color. Sentimental value. Last seen, yesterday before midnight. Please leave message with stepmother.

Answer: All the ads are all from fairy tale characters.
1. Grandmother (Little Red Riding Hood)
2. The Old Queen (Princess & the Pea)
3. The 3rd little pig (3 Little Pigs)
4. Jack’s widowed mom (Jack and the Beanstalk)
5. Cinderella’s stepmother (Cinderella)

Monday’s Quizzler is…….

Well hello there, new friends
It’s a pleasure to meet you
I wonder if you’d indulge
The unique way I greet you

You see, I’m a player
Of a great many games
So instead of just telling you,
Maybe try guessing my name

Now to make this more fair
I’ll give you some clues
For there are so many ways
That my name is used

My family is royal
Though as has oft been spoken
The headgear I once wore
Has since become broken

In my more playful moods
I might hide in a box
Or just run around, for
I’m nimble as a fox

But please don’t misjudge me;
I’m not some lame slacker
I can work hard with a hammer
To become a road cracker

If I see you in trouble
At the side of the road
I’ll be right there to help
If it eases the load

I’m brave in the darkness,
When it’s black, call my name
But I get rather scary
When I’m high on a plane

All right, one last clue
Then let’s call it a night:
I’ll give you a grin
As an October light

So now that we’ve ended
This fun guessing game
Now can you tell me
Just what is my name? 🤔

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

Share this:

Like this:

Related

Leave a Reply Cancel reply