Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Wednesday April 24, 2019

As I Mature…

I’ve learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.

I’ve learned that no matter how much I care, some people just aren’t worth it.

I’ve learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.

I’ve learned that you can keep vomiting, long after you think you’re finished.

I’ve learned that you can’t cry underwater.

I’ve learned that suspenders work better on round then belts..

I’ve learned that it’s not only men that have to trim their beards and mustaches…

I’ve learned that Fruit of the Looms does indeed make a size 60 inch pairs of drawers…

I’ve learned that birds don’t fall out of trees when they are asleep…

I’ve learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.

I’ve learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take its place!

I’ve learned that people will talk to you and look you right in your eyes and never tell you that your zipper is down.

I’ve learned that women who have a dishwasher will always want you to wash the your dish before you put it into the dishwasher.

I’ve learned that when you get older passed gas always brings along some friends to hang out.

I’ve learned that 99% of the time when something isn’t working in your house, one of your kids done it.

I’ve learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon, and all the less important ones just never go away.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAFF IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

DAILY QUOTES…

“A Vatican cardinal said Jesus was the original tweeter. I don’t know how popular he was. He only had 12 followers.” -Conan O’Brien

“A new study suggests that marriage is more beneficial for men than women.

The results of the study were shouted at me through a locked bedroom door.” -Seth Meyers

“A man in Oregon was arrested for growing marijuana after police used Google Earth to track him down. So if you’re one of those crazy conspiracy theorists who thinks the government is watching you with satellites from space, you were right.” -Jimmy Fallon

“A company in California has started selling a new cologne that smells like

whiskey. I think my dad’s been wearing that cologne for 40 years.” -Jimmy Fallon

“A new study shows that young adults suffering from insomnia are at higher risk

of a stroke. So, that information should help you finally get some sleep.” -Seth Meyers

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….

The pastor of a Baptist church had called all of the little children to the front of the

church, dressed in their cute Easter outfits and had them sit around him.

He said, “Today is Easter and you all look so handsome and beautiful. Today we’re going to talk about the resurrection. Does anyone know what the resurrection is?”

One little boy raised his hand, and the pastor said, “Please tell us what the resurrection is.”

The boy, proud that he knew the answer, said in a clear loud voice, “When you get one lasting more than four hours, you gotta call a doctor!” 😱😳

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “Do you mind if we stay here awhile, or must you go home?”

Answer: I Am a Fugitive From a Chain Gang!

The words are spoken by the character of James Allen, to Helen, while they are parked in the moonlight by Lake Michigan. They had been to a dinner party at the Club Chateau with James Allen’s boss and decided to get away from it together.

James Allen is a World War I veteran who has returned home after the war. When the depression took effect he found himself out of work and living in a shelter in the southern state of Georgia. He gets involved in a robbery at a diner and ends up serving a long jail sentence, working on the chain gang. He eventually escapes and makes his way to Chicago where he becomes successful in the construction industry. His former girlfriend, Marie, tracks him down and blackmails him into marrying her. He meets Helen in Chicago and Marie denounces him to the police. He ends up back on the chain gang, but eventually escapes again. He spends the rest of his time permanently on the run from the police.

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???“Roads? Where we’re going, we don’t need roads.”

Tuesday’s Quizzler is….

Five budding artists are meeting for lunch today at the new Thai restaurant in town. Use the following clues to determine the first (Allie, Billie, Callie, Donnie and Effie) and last (Adams, Booker, Cheek, Devlin and Efferman) names of each artist, along with her favorite medium (Acrylic, Oil, Pastels, Pen and Ink and Watercolor) current focus (Children, Dancers, Fish, Landscapes and Nests) of each artist, along with their “day job” (Banquet Server, Bartender, Cashier, Driver and Teacher.) Nobody shares the same name, favorite medium, current focus or day job with anyone else in the group.

1. The driver has never been drawn to landscapes and the teacher paints with either acrylic or oils. Ms. Efferman is currently focusing on either children or fish. The oil painter is either the bartender or the driver.

2. Billy paints with either acrylic or watercolors. The surname of the driver is either Cheek or Adams. Callie is either Ms. Adams or Ms. Devlin. Donnie uses either acrylic or oil paint. The oil painter is focused on either dancers or landscapes.

3. The water colorist is either the banquet server or the teacher. The one working with pen and ink is neither Allie nor Effie. The acrylic painter is not focusing on landscapes or dancers. Neither acrylic nor watercolor is used to portray children.

4. Ms. Adams is either the bartender or cashier. Allie either uses pen and ink or is focusing on children. Either Allie or Billy is the banquet server. Ms. Adams’ work portrays either dancers or fish.

6. Effie and the acrylic painter shared a pizza, Ms. Cheek had a salad, while the banquet server and the nest aficionado both had the soup of the day.

Answer: First-Last-Medium-Theme-Day Job
Allie-Cheek-Pastels-Children-Driver
Billy-Booker-Watercolor-Landscape-Banquets
Callie-Devlin-Pen and Ink-Nests-Cashier
Donnie-Efferman-Acrylic-Fish-Teacher
Effie-Adams-Oil-Dancers-Bartender

Wednesday’s Quizzler is…….

Take the given words, and by moving a single letter from one word to the other, make

a pair of synonyms, or near synonyms. For example, given: Boast – Hip, move the ‘s’

from ‘Boast’ to ‘Hip’ creating two synonyms: Boat – Ship.

1. Rode – Can
2. Font – Farce
3. Tory – Stale
4. Dire – Cash
5. Self – Shill

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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