Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Friday April 26, 2019

Here’s the story….

There was a teenage boy who worked in the produce section of the local market. A man
came in and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy said he would go ask his manager
about the matter. So he walked into the back and said, “There’s some jerk out there who
wants to buy only a half a head of lettuce.” As he was finishing saying this he turned around
to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, “and this here gentleman wants to buy the other half…”

The manager okayed the deal and the man went on his way.

Later the manager called on the boy and said, “You almost got yourself in a lot of trouble

earlier, but I must say I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of it. You think
on your feet and we like that around here. Where are you from son?”

The boy replied, “Canada, Sir.”

“Oh really? Why did you leave Canada?” asked the manager.

The boy replied, “They’re all just up-tight, homely women and hockey players up there.”

“Really,” replied the manager, “My wife is from Canada!”

The boy replied, “No kidding! What team did she play for?”

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAFF IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

 

DAILY QUOTES...

“A couple from Florida just set a record by taking their 200th Carnival Cruise. The couple

said, ‘What can we say, we love diarrhea.'” -Conan O’Brien
“A new study finds that if you’re drunk around sober people, you’ll think you’re less drunk than if you’re around other drunk people. And if you’re drunk around sober people, chances are you’ve got a problem.” -Jimmy Fallon
“On a bittersweet note, the world’s oldest person has died in Italy at the age of 117.
It’s tragic; she died in a knife fight with the world’s second-oldest person. I’m kidding!
Do you know how she died? Bungee-jumping.” -James Corden

 

 

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….

An weathered farmer and his wife were leaning against the edge of their pig-pen when the woman wistfully recalled that the next week would mark their Silver wedding anniversary.  ‘Let’s kill a pig and have a big BBQ party, Homer,’ she suggested.’
The farmer scratched his grizzled head. ‘Gee, Ethel,’ he finally answered, ‘I don’t see why
the pig should suffer for something that happened 25 years ago.'”  😱

 

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “You’re not so tough without your car, are ya?”

Answer:Kindergarten Cop!
In “Kindergarten Cop” (1990), Phoebe O’Hara (played by Pamela Reed) has been badly injured by Eleanor Crisp. Eleanor Crisp and her son Cullen Crisp, Sr. are desperately seeking Cullen’s young son, who is being protected from his evil father. Upon finding him, they stop at nothing to try to kidnap the boy, which is when Eleanor drives her car into Phoebe. Injured and weak, taking a bat in hand and heading to the defense of Detective John Kimball (played by Arnold Schwarzenegger), Phoebe manages to knock Eleanor down and out with a baseball bat while expressing this great quote, “You’re not so tough without your car, are ya?”

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Every man… every man has to go through Hell to reach paradise.”

 

Thursday’s Quizzler is….

The following phrases are colloquialisms, idioms or proverbs that are written in their literal, and rather complicated form. Can you uncover their true meanings and solve this teaser?

Example: “Don’t place the two wheeled vehicle in a position preceding the equine mammal,” is the proverb “Don’t put the cart before the horse.”

1. Positive aesthetic appeal is solely the equivalent of the thickness of the epidermis.

2. The ground covering of slender leaved plants is always a more vibrant hue of a common secondary color in the proximity of the opposite surface of a structure serving as a boundary.

3. Produce the sound of sharp tapping by striking blows to a processed piece of secondary xylem from a large perennial plant.

4. The gyre that emanates shrill sounds receives the viscous lubricant.

Answer:  1. Beauty is only skin deep.
2. The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.
3. Knock on wood.
4. The squeaky wheel gets the grease.

 

Friday’s Quizzler is…….

When you curtail a word, you remove the last letter and still have a valid word. You will be given clues for the two words, longer word first.
Example: Begin -> Heavenly body
Answer: The words are Start and Star.

1. Measuring stick -> Law
2. Prophet; visionary -> To perceive
3. Rip; pull apart -> Beverage
4. Topic; anything with mass and volume -> Not glossy; flat
5. Moon depression -> Large box
6. One who digs for ore -> Belonging to me
7. Police person -> Place of work
8. Vocalist -> Scorch; burn superficially

 

 

 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

RECOMMENDED WEBSITE LINKS:

http://www.slampi.org, http://www.hopeBUILD.org, http://www.GodLovesPraise.com, https://elisabethluxe.com, http://www.themuscleministry.com, CHECK OUT MY BOOK online at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FF669PT/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1531337765&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Banquet+Servers+Hand+Guide#, Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store. http://www.amazon.com

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