Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Monday April 29, 2019

Here’s the story….. 
Our local paper runs a popular column called “10 Questions”
that spotlights people who live in our community.

In addition to the usual inquiries about occupation and age,
people are asked the questions that give a snapshot look of
their personalities.

Recently one woman was asked, “What’s the ‘strangest’ thing
you ever bought?”

She answered, “Dog toothpaste.”

Next question, “What is the ‘most common’ thing people say
to you?”

Her answer: “Where did you get such white teeth?” 😳😁


That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAFF IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

 

DAILY QUOTES...

“I used to compete in sports a lot, but then I realized that
you can buy trophies. Now I’m good at everything.”
-Demetri Martin

“I was getting my teeth whitened, but then I said forget that, I’ll just get a tan instead.” -Mitch Hedberg

“You can buy anything on eBay. I just bought the world’s
oldest globe. It’s flat.” –Buzz Nutley
 
 “Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone
can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.”
– Groucho Marx

“Always be nice to your children because they are the
ones who will choose your rest home.”
– Phyllis Diller

“Unprovided with original learning, unformed in the
habits of thinking, unskilled in the arts of composition,
I resolved to write a book.”
– Edward Gibbon

“According to a new survey, 56 percent of women say they
would rather be thinner than smarter. The other 44 percent
were models who didn’t understand the question.” -Jay Leno   

 

 

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes…. Did you hear about the two guys who decided to try duck hunting? They bought new outfits & equipment, and went out to a place in the woods where they heard the hunting was really good. But after several hours of thrashing through the woods, one fellow said, “I don’t know about this. We’vebeen out here all day and haven’t caught a single duck. Do you think we’re doing something wrong?” 

“I don’t know,” replied the other. “Maybe we’re not throwing
the dog high enough.” 😱
 

 

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “Every man… every man has to go through Hell to reach paradise.”

Answer:   Cape Fear!  Sam Bowden is an attorney who, 14 years ago, withheld evidence in his client Max Cady’s rape trial that would have knocked years off Cady’s sentence. While in prison, Cady dreams of taking his revenge against Bowden. In his mind, Bowden is the reason he’s lost his wife, his child, and 14 years of his life. When Cady is released, he heads straight for Bowden looking for revenge. But instead of going after Bowden himself he focuses on his wife and daughter. The context of the quote is from the scene where Max Cady tricks Bowden’s daughter Danielle into meeting him, allegedly for a part in a school drama. Danielle quickly discovers the ruse and curious, she asks of Cady: “Well um, why do you hate my father?” To which Cady answers: “I don’t hate him at all. Oh, no, I pray for him. I’m here to help him. I mean, we all make mistakes, Danielle. You and I have. At least we try to admit it. Don’t we? But your daddy, he don’t. Every man carries a circle of Hell around his head like a halo. Every man, every man has to go through Hell to reach his paradise.”


Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Ahem, according to Starfleet medical research… Borg implants can cause severe skin irritations. Perhaps you’d like an analgesic cream?”

 

Friday’s Quizzler is…. When you curtail a word, you remove the last letter and still have a valid word. You will be given clues for the two words, longer word first.
Example: Begin -> Heavenly body
Answer: The words are Start and Star.

1. Measuring stick -> Law
2. Prophet; visionary -> To perceive
3. Rip; pull apart -> Beverage
4. Topic; anything with mass and volume -> Not glossy; flat
5. Moon depression -> Large box
6. One who digs for ore -> Belonging to me
7. Police person -> Place of work
8. Vocalist -> Scorch; burn superficially

Answer: 1. Ruler -> Rule
2. Seer -> See
3. Tear -> Tea
4. Matter -> Matte
5. Crater -> Crate
6. Miner -> Mine
7. Officer -> Office
8. Singer -> Singe 

 

Monday’s Quizzler is……. Two nights ago at a dinner party, Mr. Mentum was killed by one of his guests. Detective Dens was put on the case and took statements. But the good detective is getting a tooth pulled today so you, a rookie officer, are called in to take on his case. From his notes you glean the following information about people’s whereabouts and potential murder weapons:

Names: Fawn, Jake, Kyle, Lance, Sara
Rooms: bedroom, conservatory, dining room, observatory, sitting room
Weapons: candlestick, gun, knife, poison, rope

Either Lance was in the dining room, or the man with the knife was in the sitting room.
Either Jake had the rope, or Lance was in the observatory.
Either Kyle was in the conservatory, or Jake was in the bedroom.
The five suspects are Sara, the person in the bedroom, the person in the dining room, the person with the rope, and the person with the knife.
The woman with the poison was not in the dining room.
The rope was in the sitting room, and the gun was in the bedroom.

After some intense scrutinizing and a couple cups of coffee, you take your solution of each person’s location and weapon of choice to the police. Since the body was found in the observatory, they know just who to bring in for extra questioning.

 

 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

RECOMMENDED WEBSITE LINKS:

http://www.slampi.org, http://www.hopeBUILD.org, http://www.GodLovesPraise.com, https://elisabethluxe.com, http://www.themuscleministry.com, CHECK OUT MY BOOK online at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FF669PT/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1531337765&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Banquet+Servers+Hand+Guide#, Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store. http://www.amazon.com

 

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