Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Tuesday April 30, 2019

You know you work for the government when…

* The process becomes more important than the product

* You don’t see anything wrong with attending a meeting
on a subject you know nothing about

* You feel you contributed to the meeting just by being there

* You stop raising issues/problems because you know you
will be the one answering them.

* You fly first class across the country to attend a
conference with 100+ people to discuss the fact that
the project does not have enough money.

* You work for an acronym, on an acronym, and your job
title is an acronym.

* You understand the rationalization of an acronym
composed of acronyms.

* You know that the location of a meeting is directly
related to its importance.

(1) A meeting at Fort Hood requires a subordinate or a
contractor

(2) The same meeting at Lake Tahoe requires your personal
attention

* You’ve sat at the same desk for 3 years, done the same
thing for 3 years, but have had 3 different business
cards.


That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a Happy Tuesday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAFF IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

 

DAILY QUOTES...

“I read that after the success of their in-store cafes, Ikea might open its own restaurants.

Which is great, until you have to assemble your own table.” -Jimmy Fallon

“An archaeologist is claiming he has discovered an amazing lost city in Kansas. Then he
realized he just got drunk and watched ‘The Wizard of Oz.'” -Conan O’Brien
“A woman in the U.K. held a wedding ceremony to marry herself. I don’t know how to
tell you this, but I think that lady you just married might be crazy.” -Seth Meyers

 

A 52-year-old woman is suing Victoria’s Secret over
injuries she received from wearing a thong. I think the
thong was just trying to defend itself.”
– Craig Ferguson

“Noah Webster was the first epidemiologist in the United
States. That actually lead to his developing the dictionary.
He needed to look up what the heck an epidemiologist was.”
-Isaac Asimov      

“We need not worry so much about what man descends from–it’s
what he descends to that shames the human race.” -Mark Twain  
 

 

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes… Because an increasing number of people are having heart attacks while gambling, the big, high-class casinos are now equipped with sophisticated defibrillators. They are computer-controlled to deliver the exact electric shock needed to revive a heart attack victim. That is, if you’re at a big, high-class casino.

At the cheaper casinos downtown, they just drag you across
the carpet and touch your finger to the doorknob. 😳😱😎

 

 

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “Ahem, according to Starfleet medical research… Borg implants can cause severe skin irritations. Perhaps you’d like an analgesic cream?” 

Answer:  “Star Trek: First Contact” (1996) The EMH (Emergency Medical Hologram) Mark I, the same model as “Star Trek: Voyager’s” Doctor, was played in this cameo appearance by Robert Picardo. The Borg have boarded the Enterprise, and Dr. Beverly Crusher (Gates McFadden) activates the EMH program in a desperate measure to stall for time. The EMH promptly responds with his usual line, “Please state the nature of the medical emergency.” Upon being informed that the emergency involves twenty Borg about to break through the door, the EMH objects, “I’m a doctor, not a doorstop,” a variation on Dr. McCoy’s classic line. Beverly suggests that he “do a dance,” or “tell a story.” I, personally, think the analgesic line was much better – though I doubt the Borg were impressed.

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Wanna ride on my Segway?”

 

Monday’s Quizzler is….​Two nights ago at a dinner party, Mr. Mentum was killed by one of his guests. Detective Dens was put on the case and took statements. But the good detective is getting a tooth pulled today so you, a rookie officer, are called in to take on his case. From his notes you glean the following information about people’s whereabouts and potential murder weapons:

Names: Fawn, Jake, Kyle, Lance, Sara
Rooms: bedroom, conservatory, dining room, observatory, sitting room
Weapons: candlestick, gun, knife, poison, rope

Either Lance was in the dining room, or the man with the knife was in the sitting room.
Either Jake had the rope, or Lance was in the observatory.
Either Kyle was in the conservatory, or Jake was in the bedroom.
The five suspects are Sara, the person in the bedroom, the person in the dining room, the person with the rope, and the person with the knife.
The woman with the poison was not in the dining room.
The rope was in the sitting room, and the gun was in the bedroom.

After some intense scrutinizing and a couple cups of coffee, you take your solution of each person’s location and weapon of choice to the police. Since the body was found in the observatory, they know just who to bring in for extra questioning.

Answer: 

Fawn had the gun in the bedroom.
Jake had the rope in the sitting room.
Kyle had the knife in the conservatory.
Lance had the candlestick in the dining room.
Sara had the poison in the observatory.

You bring Sara in and she confesses after a brief interrogation. Detective Dens is pleased

with your good work and gives you a commemorative plaque!

 

Tuesday’s Quizzler is…….

Five bridesmaids threw a shower for their bride. Each brought a gift and made a favorite food of the bride. They all arrived at different times, and during the wedding each was wearing a different color of her choice. Determine the gift and food each bridesmaid brought, the time she arrived, and what color she chose for her dress.

1. The bridesmaid with the painting had trouble getting it in her car, and the bridesmaid with the potato salad got lost on the way, so they were the last two to arrive.
2. Amanda hated the color green and potato salad.
3. Kourtney and Selena did not wear the blue dress and did not bring the turkey sandwiches.
4. Stacie arrived before the bridesmaid with the painting, but after the bridesmaid who brought the sheets, and the bridesmaid who made the cheese dip.
5. The bridesmaid with a blue dress arrived 10 minutes before the bridesmaid who brought the sandwiches.
6. The bridesmaid with the veggie tray arrived 25 minutes after the bridesmaid who brought flatware, but before the bridesmaid who would be wearing a blue dress.
7. The five bridesmaids arrived in the following order: The one who baked the cake, Amanda, the one who would be wearing a yellow dress, the one with a toaster for a gift, and the one who arrived last.
8. Selena brought a cake with green frosting, the same color as her dress.
9. Amanda brought pink sheets as a gift to the bride, but she did not like pink for herself.

 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

RECOMMENDED WEBSITE LINKS:

http://www.slampi.org, http://www.hopeBUILD.org, http://www.GodLovesPraise.com, https://elisabethluxe.com, http://www.themuscleministry.com, CHECK OUT MY BOOK online at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FF669PT/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1531337765&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Banquet+Servers+Hand+Guide#, Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store. http://www.amazon.com

 

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