Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Wednesday May 1, 2019

Signs you’re drinking way too much coffee! 

15. You’ve built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
 
14. You don’t sweat, you percolate.
 
13. You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can.
 
12. When someone says. “How are you?”, you say, “Good to the last drop.”
 
11. You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it’s not plugged in.
 
10. Your blood type has been reclassified as “espresso”

9. Every morning you go for a quick 50 mile jog

8. You answer the door before people knock.

7. Your after-shave? Hazelnut non-dairy creamer

6. You can type sixty words per minute … with your feet.

5. A Starbucks just opened in your basement

4. Your last words before bypass surgery: “Tell Juan Valdez I love him”

3. Average 80 blinks per minute

2. You named your kids “Triple Tall,” “Quad Grande,” and “Venti”

1. You’re offended when people use the word “brew” to mean beer.


That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAFF IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

DAILY QUOTES...

“Scientists are now claiming that every hour spent running increases your lifespan by

seven hours. In other words, a majority of Americans died three years ago.” -Conan O’Brien

“A high school boy in Georgia got the local police to help him stage a drug bust in order to
ask a girl to prom. The police say they loved helping the two with the prom-posal, and look forward to seeing them together on prom night when they arrest them for underage drinking.” -James Corden
“A 120-pound Texas woman set a new competitive eating record yesterday after she ate
three 72-ounce steaks, three baked potatoes, three shrimp cocktails, three salads, and three dinner rolls in 20 minutes. Or as they call it in Texas, a kids meal.” -Seth Meyers  

“I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.”- Groucho Marx

“I’m completely in favor of the separation of Church and
State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up
enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.”
– George Carlin
I had a secretary who claimed that she liked to live like
she types: Fast and with lots of mistakes.
Did you hear what happened to the butcher? He backed into
a meat slicer and got a little behind in his work.                          
Village Dry Cleaners has relocated to High Street, right next
door to St. Joseph’s Church. After March 1, Cleanliness Is

Next to Godliness.’ 


Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….Heres the story, I went to see my doctor the other day and she told me this story right before she drew my blood. She says a guy goes to a psychiatrist. “Doc, I keep having these alternating  recurring dreams. First I’m a teepee; then I’m a wigwam; then I’m a teepee; then I’m a wigwam.  It’s driving me crazy. What’s wrong with me?” The doctor replies: “It’s very simple. You’re two tents.” Get it?  Tense, your two tense! 🤔😁

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “Wanna ride on my Segway?”

Answer:  Paul Blart: Mall Cop!
Paul Blart is an overweight man whose wife died recently. He lives with his only daughter and his mother and he cannot seem to get a date, not even online. He finally meets someone at the mall named Amy, and he begins to fall in love with her. He asks her to ride on the Segway, in which she replies “Won’t you get in trouble?” Paul says “Yes, I could lose my job.” Of course, Amy still takes a ride on the Segway.

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???“Does Barry Manilow know that you raid his wardrobe?”

 

Tuesday’s Quizzler is….​Five bridesmaids threw a shower for their bride. Each brought a gift and made a favorite food of the bride. They all arrived at different times, and during the wedding each was wearing a different color of her choice. Determine the gift and food each bridesmaid brought, the time she arrived, and what color she chose for her dress.

1. The bridesmaid with the painting had trouble getting it in her car, and the bridesmaid with the potato salad got lost on the way, so they were the last two to arrive.
2. Amanda hated the color green and potato salad.
3. Kourtney and Selena did not wear the blue dress and did not bring the turkey sandwiches.
4. Stacie arrived before the bridesmaid with the painting, but after the bridesmaid who brought the sheets, and the bridesmaid who made the cheese dip.
5. The bridesmaid with a blue dress arrived 10 minutes before the bridesmaid who brought the sandwiches.
6. The bridesmaid with the veggie tray arrived 25 minutes after the bridesmaid who brought flatware, but before the bridesmaid who would be wearing a blue dress.
7. The five bridesmaids arrived in the following order: The one who baked the cake, Amanda, the one who would be wearing a yellow dress, the one with a toaster for a gift, and the one who arrived last.
8. Selena brought a cake with green frosting, the same color as her dress.
9. Amanda brought pink sheets as a gift to the bride, but she did not like pink for herself.

Answer:

Selena; green; flatware; cake; 2:50
Amanda; purple; sheets; veggie tray; 3:15
Kourtney; yellow; towels; cheese dip; 3:20
Stacie; blue; toaster; potato salad; 3:35
Stephanie; pink; painting; turkey sandwiches; 3:45
 

Wednesday’s Quizzler is…….

Duffus loved potato chips almost as much as he loved his tea. The problem was when he had large family gatherings, all the kids would devour his snacks before he could. His marble game worked for a while, but his trick was soon found out. So, Duffus came up with another way to keep the snacks for himself and yet make it seem as though he wasn’t the greedy snack hog he was. Duffus took two large bowls, one wood and one plastic, and placed them up high so that the kids couldn’t see the contents.

He then said, “One is full and the other is empty. You get whatever is in the bowl you pick. You can pick only once, but you must decipher my clues and explain to me which bowl you think has the chips and why. And no random guessing allowed.”

He then gave them these clues:

1. The polyester shirt I’m wearing.
2. A cotton shirt in my closet.
3. A hollow cardboard toilet paper roll.
4. This plastic cup I’m drinking my tea from.
5. The acrylic socks I’m wearing.
6. An empty paper lunch bag.

What do the clues have in common with each other and the bowls?

 

 

 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

RECOMMENDED WEBSITE LINKS:

http://www.slampi.org, http://www.hopeBUILD.org, http://www.GodLovesPraise.com, https://elisabethluxe.com, http://www.themuscleministry.com, CHECK OUT MY BOOK online at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FF669PT/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1531337765&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Banquet+Servers+Hand+Guide#, Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store. http://www.amazon.com

 

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