Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Thursday May 2, 2019

 

Office automatic email replies!  

1. I am currently out of the office at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Please be prepared for my mood.

2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn’t have received anything at all.

3. Sorry to have missed you, But I’m at the doctor’s having my brain and heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team.

4. I will be unable to delete all the emails you send me until I return from vacation. Please be patient, and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

5. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first 10 words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.

6. The email server is unable to verify your server connection. Your message has not been delivered. Please restart your computer and try sending again.

7. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.😁

8. Hi, I’m thinking about what you’ve just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.

9. I’ve run away to join a different circus.

10. Thanks for your message, I am unable to respond because the Saint Louis Police has arrested our office computer server.

11. I will be out of the office for the next two weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as ‘Kate’ instead of Dave.  

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAFF IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman! 

DAILY QUOTES...

“American Airlines is under fire after one of its flight attendants allegedly yanked a stroller away from a mother with a baby. Passengers were outraged that the attendant took the stroller and not the baby.” -Conan O’Brien

“A major food company has recalled two types of frozen hash browns because the potatoes may containpieces of golf balls. Doctors say if you’ve already ingested pieces of golf balls, the best thing is tojust let them play through.” -James Corden😳😁

“A New Jersey restaurant has begun selling a massive taco-covered pizza for $75. ‘Seems a little steep,’ said a customer who was looking at the three steps in front of the restaurant.” -Seth Meyers

 

“It takes time to raise about 25 children. I know, I have
two myself. That’s plenty. Mine are twins, though. Both of
them. They’re awfully cute. I can’t think of their names.
They don’t come when I call them anyway.” –Victor Borge 

                           
After playing 18 holes of golf, our foursome was sitting
around the clubhouse settling our bets when another golfer
stormed in. Fuming after a lousy round, he slammed down
his scorecard and announced, “If I wasn’t married, I’d give
this stupid game up!” 
                          

“Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody
can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.”
-Demetri Martin

 
 

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes…

I couldn’t find my luggage at the airport baggage area, so
I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there
that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to
worry because she was a trained professional and I was in
good hands.  “Now,” she asked me, has your plane arrived yet?”😱😳

 

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “Does Barry Manilow know that you raid his wardrobe?” 

Answer:  The Breakfast Club! The character of John Bender is played by Judd Nelson. He depicts a rebellious high school student, and he says this to his school principal in this 1985 film. The film is about five high school students who have to serve Saturday detention together. The teens are all from different walks of life, but during the course of the film, they find that they have more in common than they think.


Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “I’m gonna eat your brains and gain your knowledge.”

 

Wednesday’s Quizzler is….

Duffus loved potato chips almost as much as he loved his tea. The problem was when he had large family gatherings, all the kids would devour his snacks before he could. His marble game worked for a while, but his trick was soon found out. So, Duffus came up with another way to keep the snacks for himself and yet make it seem as though he wasn’t the greedy snack hog he was. Duffus took two large bowls, one wood and one plastic, and placed them up high so that the kids couldn’t see the contents.  He then said, “One is full and the other is empty. You get whatever is in the bowl you pick. You can pick only once, but you must decipher my clues and explain to me which bowl you think has the chips and why. And no random guessing allowed.”

He then gave them these clues:

1. The polyester shirt I’m wearing.
2. A cotton shirt in my closet.
3. A hollow cardboard toilet paper roll.
4. This plastic cup I’m drinking my tea from.
5. The acrylic socks I’m wearing.
6. An empty paper lunch bag.

What do the clues have in common with each other and the bowls?

Answer:  All the kids were stumped except one young girl who gave the correct answer.
The items made from synthetic materials (polyester, plastic, acrylic) all have something in them. The items made from natural materials (cotton, cardboard, paper) are all empty. Therefore the plastic bowl (being synthetic) has the chips and the wood bowl (being natural) is empty. Duffus had to hand over the chips and again was left plotting another snack game. But that’s another teaser.

  

Thursday’s Quizzler is…….

What do these sentences translate to?

“A research team proceeded towards the apex of a natural geologic protuberance, the purpose of their expedition being the procurement of a sample of fluid hydride of oxygen in a large vessel, the exact size of which was unspecified. One member of the team precipitously descended, sustaining severe damage to the upper cranial portion of his anatomical structure; subsequently the second member of the team performed a self rotational translation oriented in the same direction taken by the first team member.”

 

 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

RECOMMENDED WEBSITE LINKS:

http://www.slampi.org, http://www.hopeBUILD.org, http://www.GodLovesPraise.com, https://elisabethluxe.com, http://www.themuscleministry.com, https://soundcloud.com/amberdion/so-beautiful-cover?fbclid=IwAR2jd3ndniKH6gpdZSXANYueridRXsWHF6cnEb2zf5_KGUd0n5d__RrB-W4 CHECK OUT MY BOOK online at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FF669PT/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1531337765&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Banquet+Servers+Hand+Guide#, Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store. http://www.amazon.com

 

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