Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Friday May 3, 2019

“Teenager Daughter Owner’s Manual”

Instructions for all those with teenage daughters or daughters
who think they are teenagers or who will eventually be teenagers.

Teenager Owner’s Manual Congratulations! You are now the proud
new owner of a teenage daughter.

Please read this manual carefully, as it describes the main-
tenance of your new daughter, and answers important questions
about your warranty (which does NOT include the right to
return the product to the factory for a full refund.)

IF YOU FEEL, YOU HAVE RECEIVED YOUR TEENAGER IN ERROR:

To determine whether you were supposed to receive a teenager
girl, please examine your new daughter carefully. Does she:

(a) look very similar to your original daughter, only with
more makeup and less clothing?

(b) refuse to acknowledge your existence on the planet Earth
(except when requesting money)?

(d) Cellphone is attached to head via head phones 247?

(e) 1/2 of your clothes are missing from your closet?

If any of these are true, you have received the correct item.
Nice try, though.👍😎

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAFF IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

DAILY QUOTES...

“You have to know how to accept rejection and reject acceptance.”- Ray Bradbury

“The people I distrust most are those who want to improve

our lives but have only one course of action.” – Frank Herbert

“He attacked everything in life with a mix of extraordinary

genius and naive incompetence, and it was often difficult

to tell which was which.”- Douglas Adams

“Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take

your eyes off the goal.” -Henry Ford

“Don’t worry about tomorrow. After all, today is the tomor-

row you worried about yesterday.” 🤔

“An intellectual is a person who has discovered something

more interesting than sex.”- Aldous Huxley

“Christie’s auction house in New York is auctioning off life

vests from the Titanic. Why would anyone want a life vest

from the Titanic? I’m pretty sure they don’t work.”

-Craig Ferguson

“I found myself utterly depressed the other day and spent
the entire afternoon listening to Celine Dion records…
at least that’s what I thought I was doing. Turns out the
cat had just fallen into the dryer and was trying to get
out.” –Julian Clary

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….

The orthodontist and his assistants were removing my eight-
year-old’s dental appliance. Because it was cemented to
the upper teeth, they had to use some pressure to release
it. When it finally popped out, three baby teeth came out
as well. My child was horrified at seeing the gaps.

“Well,” my child said to the staff gathered around, “who
do I see about getting some dentures?” 😁

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “I’m gonna eat your brains and gain your knowledge.”

Answer: Planet Terror!

Theatrically released as one of the two films in the Quentin Tarantino/Robert Rodriguez double-feature offering, “Grindhouse”, “Planet Terror” was the first to be shown of the two. Directed by Robert Rodriguez and released in 2007, “Planet Terror” is about the release of a certain dangerous chemical known as DC2 into the atmosphere, resulting in the transformation of any exposed victims from bumbling Texan townsfolk into the living dead. Starring Rose McGowan, Freddy Rodriguez, Marley Shelton, Quentin Tarantino, Naveen Andrews, Bruce Willis, Michael Biehn, Fergie (of the Black Eyed Peas), one of the director’s sons (Rebel), and two of the director’s nieces as ‘The Crazy Babysitter Twins’, the film was the more action-packed of the two. Robert Rodriguez has also directed “Sin City” and “Spy Kids”.

The quote in question was actually mentioned more than once in the movie. Although Dr. William Block mentions this line to his wife in the end of the movie, it is first mentioned by his son (Tony) earlier in the film, foreshadowing the events yet to come. Soon after saying the line, Tony and his father pray for “no dead bodies for daddy” while his mother, Dakota, plans to run away with her lover, after working the night shift with her husband in the local hospital. Of course, none of this goes according to plan.

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “You promised my daddy you wouldn’t take me far off.”
“Darlin’, you’re goin’ to have to decide if you’re my wife or his daughter.”

Thursday’s Quizzler is….

What do these sentences translate to?
“A research team proceeded towards the apex of a natural geologic protuberance, the purpose of their expedition being the procurement of a sample of fluid hydride of oxygen in a large vessel, the exact size of which was unspecified. One member of the team precipitously descended, sustaining severe damage to the upper cranial portion of his anatomical structure; subsequently the second member of the team performed a self rotational translation oriented in the same direction taken by the first team member.”

Answer: Jack and Jill went up the hill
to fetch a pail of water
Jack fell down and broke his crown
and Jill came tumbling after

TODAY’S MOVIE DIVA OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. KIM HILLYARD! NICE SOLVING JOB KIM!

Friday’s Quizzler is…….

Each sentence below contains a word that can be anagrammed to answer or describe the sentence.

Example: Craft that might tip in the ocean. Answer: Canoe (Anagram of ocean)

1. You cover a mattress with one of these
2. Dangerous thing for an alcoholic to begin
3. Feature on which a tire might be rated
4. Feeling about a poisonous adder
5. Weapon that a cavalryman bears
6. It doesn’t necessarily bring rain, but it could

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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