Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Tuesday May 7, 2019

Bumper Stickers…..

* We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart?

* He who laughs last thinks slowest.

* Auntie Em, Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog… Dorothy

* Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.

* I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.

* Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.

* OK, who stopped payment on my reality check?

* Few women admit their age; Fewer men act it.

* I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

* Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW..

* A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

* Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.

* Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

* Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

* There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can’t.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a happy Tuesday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAFF IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

DAILY QUOTES...

“A third-grade class in New Jersey recently found a boa constrictor in the back

of their classroom. Even scarier, they DIND’T find Billy.” -Seth Meyers

“A new survey found that 46 percent of doctors have used Google or Yahoo to diagnose

their patients’ symptoms. Yeah, last time I got sick, my doctor was like, ‘I’m sorry to tell

you this, but you have ‘Server Not Responding.'” -Jimmy Fallon

“I’ve been trying to say ‘I love you’ more often, starting this morning. I said it to my family before I left the house. And then to my barista. And then to her manager, when the barista complained that one of the customers was making her uncomfortable.” -Stephen Colbert

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….

At age 4 success is not peeing in your pants.
At age 12 success is having friends.
At age 16 success is having a drivers license.
At age 20 success is having relations.
At age 35 success is having money.
At age 50 success is having money.
At age 60 success is having relations.
At age 70 success is having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is having friends.
At age 80 success is not peeing in your pants. 😎
It all comes full circle, whether you like it or not.

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???“I want my mommy!” “I’m all you got.”

Answer: Kramer vs. Kramer!
In the events just preceding these lines, newly-divorced father Ted Kramer (Dustin Hoffman) warns his young son Billy (Justin Henry) about eating ice-cream before dinner with the line “Hold it right there! You put that ice cream in your mouth and you are in very, very, VERY big trouble.” Of course, Billy does it anyway. After the resulting fight, Billy says the first line and Ted replies with the second. This famous scene was completely improvised by both Dustin Hoffman and Justin Henry and the director liked it so much he kept it in the final cut. In the 1980 Academy Awards, “Kramer vs. Kramer” won five Oscars, including Best Picture, Dustin Hoffman for Best Actor in a Leading Role and Meryl Streep for Best Actress in a Supporting Role.

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “William Wallace is seven feet tall.”
“Yes, I’ve heard. Kills men by the hundreds.”

Monday’s Quizzler is….

You are a prisoner sentenced to death. The Emperor offers you a chance to live by playing a simple game. He gives you 50 black marbles, 50 white marbles and 2 empty bowls. He then says, “Divide these 100 marbles into these 2 bowls. You can divide them any way you like as long as you use all the marbles. Then I will blindfold you and mix the bowls around. You then can choose one bowl and remove ONE marble. If the marble is WHITE you will live, but if the marble is BLACK… you will die.”
How do you divide the marbles up so that you have the greatest probability of choosing a WHITE marble?

Answer: Place 1 white marble in one bowl, and place the rest of the marbles in the other bowl (49 whites, and 50 blacks).
This way you begin with a 50/50 chance of choosing the bowl with just one white marble, therefore life! BUT even if you choose the other bowl, you still have ALMOST a 50/50 chance at picking one of the 49 white marbles.

Tuesday’s Quizzler is…….

Five people (who vaguely know each other and are really eccentric) have a great passion for music. Each of them plays a different instrument. However, they are constantly forgetting each other’s first and last names, the instrument they play, their ages and their professions. Your job is to figure out everyone’s full names, their ages, their favorite instrument and their jobs.
1.No person’s first name shares an initial with his/her last name.
2.Allen is always feeling sleepy because her neighbor has a habit of playing his drums in the middle of the night.
3.Neither of the women’s ages (who play the guitar and the piano) are an even number.
4.The flutist is older than Joseph, who is older than Ivan, who is not the youngest.
5.Michael, the scientist, is the oldest person in the group.
6.Angela’s last name makes Daniel feel hungry.
7.Joseph is 12 years older than the doctor, who is 26 years younger than the teacher.
8.Most people do not agree with the engineer (who is half as old as Coleman) that he plays the bagpipes excellently.
9.Julia’s career involves educating young minds.
10.The lawyer lives next to Julia Allen.
11.The pianist is not 21 years old.

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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