Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!


 

 

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WELCOME to Friday May 17, 2019

What the Doctor says and what he really means……..

Doctor: “This should be taken care of right away.”
Translation: I’d planned a trip to Hawaii next month, but this is so easy
and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself.

Doctor: “Let me check your medical history.”
Translation: I want to see if you’ve paid your last bill before spending any more time with you.”

Doctor: “We have some good news and some bad news.”
Translation: The good news is, I’m going to buy that new BMW. The bad news is, you’re going to pay for it.

Doctor: “Let me schedule you for some tests.”
Translation: I have a forty percent interest in the lab.

Doctor: “I’d like to prescribe a new drug.”
Translation: I’m writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig.

Doctor: “If it doesn’t clear up in a week, give me a call.”
Translation: I don’t know what it is. Maybe it will go away by itself.

Doctor: “I’d like to run some more tests.”
Translation: I can’t figure out what’s wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve it.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people & whatever you do, don’t forget to LAFF IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

DAILY QUOTES...

“As part of a limited campaign, McDonald’s is offering forks made from French fries.

Not to be outdone, Long John Silver’s began offering seafood made from fish.” -Conan O’Brien
“American Airlines recently announced that they plan on cutting leg room in economy
class, while United Airlines announced they’ll be cutting legs. ‘We are coming down
with the beverage cart! Get your legs out of the aisle!'” -Seth Meyers
“Apple has announced that it’ll be removing the handgun emoji from its smartphones
and replacing it with an emoji of a squirt gun. In case you weren’t paying attention,
there are now more restrictions on gun emojis in the United States than on actual guns.” -James Corden

 

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….

Two grave diggers are working in a cemetery in Vienna one night, when they hear

scuffling coming from one of the graves. At first they are terrified, but morbid curiosity
gets the better of them and they unearth the grave. They hear some hushed rubbing
and scraping sounds coming from inside the coffin. Hands shaking, they pull off the lid.

Inside; they find Beethoven’s skeleton, furiously erasing notes off of old scores.

“Wha-,” one of the grave diggers is petrified, “What are you doing, Herr Beethoven?”

The ghoulish composer looks up with empty eyes sockets, and says,

“What does it look like? I’m decomposing!”😱😁😎

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “Just tell me how much he owes and I’ll pay you back.”
“So far, it’s about 1.3 million dollars.”

Answer:  Catch Me If You Can!
In this scene several FBI agents visit Paula Abagnale (Nathalie Baye) to try and locate her son Frank, Jr. (Leonardo DiCaprio). She says the first line, thinking he is in some minor trouble, and agent Carl Hanratty (Tom Hanks) says the second. The real Frank Abagnale Jr. appears briefly in this movie as a French policeman. In the 2003 Academy Awards “Catch Me If You Can” was nominated for two awards but didn’t win either.


Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ​”Look, John, we can’t have you running around out there wastin’ friendly civilians.”
“There are no friendly civilians!”

Thursday’s Quizzler is….

A 3-letter word has been taken out of each of the following words.

The letters may not be adjacent, but they are in order. Can you figure it out?

_ _ S _
_ H _ M _
_ O _ _ LE
_ R _ M _ LE

Answer:   CUP.
CUSP
CHUMP
COUPLE
CRUMPLE

Friday’s Quizzler is…….

It’s rush time at Lotsa Lattes, the popular downtown coffee shop. Jamie, the poor barista, just had 5 orders told to her over the sound of the coffee grinder. Help her piece together the correct orders to make sure she’ll get tipped.

Each guest ordered a different drink and a different type of muffin.

1. Gary was in line before Lisa this morning, but he decided not to order his usual (mocha and a blueberry muffin) and instead tried something new to eat and drink.

2. By the time Zack got there, the raspberry muffin had just been ordered by the person ahead of him in line. He ordered an extra dry cappuccino while he decided that morning’s muffin choice.

3. The 5 orders were: the mocha, the man who ordered the poppyseed muffin, the 2nd person in line, the tea, and Paul’s order.

4. The people who ordered something to drink with chocolate in it (including the mocha) could not possibly eat a chocolate chip muffin, too. No chocolate item was ordered first.

5. The men, oddly enough, placed the odd numbered orders.

6. The blueberry muffin was ordered before Paul’s order but after the hot chocolate.

7. The 3 fruit muffins were sold to Lisa, the first person in line, and to the person who also ordered a mocha.


LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/RECOMMENDED WEBSITE LINKS:www.slampi.org, http://www.hopeBUILD.org, http://www.GodLovesPraise.com, https://elisabethluxe.com, http://www.themuscleministry.com.

CHECK OUT MY BOOK online at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FF669PT/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1531337765&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Banquet+Servers+Hand+Guide#, Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store. http://www.amazon.com

 

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