Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Monday May 20, 2019

1) Growing up is mandatory; growing old is optional.

2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.

3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you’re down there. 

4) You’re getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.

5) It’s frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.

6) Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beautician.
7) Gas is no longer optional, it sometimes has a mind of it’s own and it bring along friends, it just Depends.
8) What the mind can conceive, the body can no longer achieve!

9) Things go and never come back; teeth, hair, a couple of toe nails..

10) Your dentures will make your smile last forever, but you will look like the joker on Batman! 

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people & whatever you do, don’t forget to LAFF IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!



“Acting is the most minor of gifts and not a very high-

class way to earn a living. After all, Shirley Temple
could do it at the age of four.”
– Katharine Hepburn
“Winning may not be everything, but losing has little to
recommend it.”- Senator Dianne Feinstein
The chef at a family-run restaurant had broken her leg and
came into our insurance office to file a disability claim.
As I scanned the claim form, I did a double take. Under

“Reason unable to work,” she wrote: “Can’t stand to cook.”

“Scientists believe that radiation from cell phones throws
off bees’ navigation system. You know, just like it does
to drivers on the highway.” -Jay Leno

“I also did my share of time travel. I had a device that
sent me hurdling through time. It’s called tequila. I
would drink this potion and wake up three days into the future.”
– Craig Ferguson

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….

I was at a stop light, behind a car with a bumper sticker
that said “Honk if you love Jesus.” I honked.

The driver leaned out his window, flipped me the bird, and
yelled, “Can’t you see the light is still red, you moron?”😳🙏

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “Look, John, we can’t have you running around out there wastin’ friendly civilians.”
“There are no friendly civilians!”

Answer:  Rambo: First Blood!
In the events leading up to this scene, ex-Green Beret John Rambo (Sylvester Stallone) walks into a small Washington town to look up a buddy from the Vietnam War, only to learn that he is the last surviving member of his unit. Local sheriff Will Teasle (Brian Dennehy) doesn’t like his drifter look and gives him a ride out of town. However, Rambo gets his back up over being forced to do something and he walks back to town in search of something to eat. Sheriff Teasle then arrests him for vagrancy and brings him to the local jail, where his deputies try to force-shave him. Sight of the razor causes Rambo to flash back to memories of Communist torture in a prison camp in Vietnam. He goes berserk, breaks free, commandeers a motorcycle and flees into the nearby mountain. As the police force try to capture him, Rambo uses his well-honed survival and combat skills to cripple them and warn Teasle to leave him alone. Rambo’s former commanding officer Colonel Samuel Trautman (Richard Crenna) arrives, trying to negotiate a truce by radio. In this scene Trautman says line one and Rambo replies with line two. This movie had several sequels, which put Sylvester Stallone in the unusual position of having two mega-hit series at the same time (his “Rocky” movie sequels were occurring during this same time period).

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “My father is no different than any powerful man, any man with power, like a president or senator.”
“Do you know how naive you sound, Michael? Presidents and senators don’t have men killed.”


Friday’s Quizzler is….

It’s rush time at Lotsa Lattes, the popular downtown coffee shop. Jamie, the poor barista, just had 5 orders told to her over the sound of the coffee grinder. Help her piece together the correct orders to make sure she’ll get tipped.

Each guest ordered a different drink and a different type of muffin.

1. Gary was in line before Lisa this morning, but he decided not to order his usual (mocha and a blueberry muffin) and instead tried something new to eat and drink.

2. By the time Zack got there, the raspberry muffin had just been ordered by the person ahead of him in line. He ordered an extra dry cappuccino while he decided that morning’s muffin choice.

3. The 5 orders were: the mocha, the man who ordered the poppyseed muffin, the 2nd person in line, the tea, and Paul’s order.

4. The people who ordered something to drink with chocolate in it (including the mocha) could not possibly eat a chocolate chip muffin, too. No chocolate item was ordered first.

5. The men, oddly enough, placed the odd numbered orders.

6. The blueberry muffin was ordered before Paul’s order but after the hot chocolate.

7. The 3 fruit muffins were sold to Lisa, the first person in line, and to the person who also ordered a mocha.

Answer:  Lisa – hot chocolate -2nd in line – raspberry muffin
Paul – latte – 5th in line – chocolate chip muffin
Janice – mocha – 4th in line – blueberry muffin
Gary – tea – 1st in line – apple muffin
Zack – cappuccino – 3rd in line – poppyseed muffin 



Monday’s Quizzler is…….

When you behead a word, you remove the first letter and still have a valid word. You will be given clues for the two words, longer word first.
Example: Begin -> Sour, acidic
Answer: The words are Start and Tart.

1. Adoration -> Elevate
2. Indulge in -> Permit
3. Den -> Atmosphere
4. Precipitation -> Current time
5. Morally pure -> Swift action
6. Prize -> Person under protection
7. Head covering -> City related
8. Most plump -> Provide evidence for

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at



CHECK OUT MY BOOK online at, The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store.



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