Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Friday May 24, 2019

Deep Thoughts Punography…

Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn’t

the work he/she is supposed to be doing.

At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional

to the number of pens that person is carrying.

When in doubt, anything can be filed under “Miscellaneous.”

Following the rules will not get the job done. But getting

the job done is no excuse for not following the rules.

If it weren’t for the last minute, nothing would get done.😏😁

If you are good, you will be assigned all the work.

If you are really good, you will get out of it.

Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail.

You are a successful secretary if you can keep your

boss’s boss off your boss’s back.

When confronted by a difficult problem you can solve it more

easily by reducing it to the question, “How would Tonto explain this to the Lone Ranger?”

The last person that quit or was fired will be held responsible for

everything that goes wrong for the next six months. (TRUE) 😁😎

When you don’t know what to do, walk fast and look worried.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people & whatever you do, don’t forget to LAFF IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

DAILY QUOTES…

“A group is suing Quaker Oats saying their oatmeal is not 100 percent

natural. And it gets worse: The guy on the box? He’s Jewish.” -Conan O’Brien

”Parents at a Florida school are reportedly outraged after a video surfaced of students

in a classroom twerking and giving lap dances. Or as it’s called in Florida, Career Day.” -Seth Meyers

“Yesterday, a brawl broke out at a Florida airport after Spirit Airlines canceled several

flights. To restore control, airport police were forced to fire Cinnabons into the crowd.” -Conan O’Brien

“I read about a coffee shop in Toronto that doesn’t have any Wi-Fi to encourage customers to talk to each other. Although all the customers talk about now is how they should really get Wi-Fi in this coffee shop.” -Jimmy Fallon

“Scientists have discovered a species of fish that surrounds itself with uglier fish

in order to look more attractive. However, scientists could not identify

which sorority it belongs to.” -Jimmy Fallon

“A man in Ireland has created a working Batman outfit with 23 different features.

So now he just has to sit back and wait for somebody to murder his parents.” -Seth Meyers

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….

I was talking on the phone with my son, who was stationed in
Hawaii with the Air Force. He was explaining how the troops
were learning to scuba-dive. “We used the buddy system,” he
said, “and occasionally dived into shark-infested waters.”

Listening on the extension, my daughter asked, “What do you
do if you see a shark?”

My son said, “Swim faster than my buddy.”😱😳😎

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Muriel said the ________ have landed, whatever that means, Chief. And she said they were attacking her personally.”
“Remember last time, when she called about that peeping Tom — you know who that was, don’t you? It was that Luther Grilk’s horse.”

Answer: The Russians Are Coming, the Russians Are Coming!
In the events leading up to this scene, Walt Whittaker (Carl Reiner) and his family are vacationing in a rented house on Gloucester Island off the coast of New England, during the Cold War. A Russian submarine captain, trying to get a glimpse of America through the sub’s periscope, gets too close to land and runs aground. A small party of Russian sailors, headed by Lieutenant Rozanov (Alan Arkin), then head to land to try and commandeer some motorboats, to pull them free. However, the sailors with their broken English and heavy pea coats don’t exactly blend in! In this scene the town telephone operator (Tessie O’Shea) calls Police Chief Link Mattocks (Brian Keith) at home to report line one. He responds skeptically with line two. In the 1967 Academy Awards, “The Russians Are Coming, the Russians Are Coming” was nominated in four categories, including Best Picture (but lost to “A Man for All Seasons”).

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ”Your son has a very great talent. I don’t think you are aware how great it is. That he is attempting to use that very talent against your will.”
“He is a very willful boy.”

Thursday’s Quizzler is….

Help Beethoven use these clues below to decipher these popular Christmas/Holiday tunes.
Example: A Triad of Monarchs
Answer: We Three Kings

1. Sir Lancelot with laryngitis.
2. Frozen precipitation commences.
3. Oh, member of the round table with missing areas.
4. I envisioned a trio of marine vessels.
5. Do you perceive the same longitudinal pressure that stimulates my auditory sense organs?
6. Leave and do a broadcast on an elevated peak.

Bonus: The apartment of 2 psychiatrists.

Answer: 1. Silent Night
2. Let it Snow
3. O Holy Night
4. I saw Three Ships
5. Do you hear what I hear?
6. Go tell it on the Mountain
Bonus: The Nutcracker Suite

Friday’s Quizzler is…….

The following are colloquialisms/idioms written in their literal form. Try to find all four.
Example: A Panthera Pardus is incapable of altering its texture. (A leopard can’t change its spots)

1. Revert to the first quadrilateral of equal sides and angles.

2. One suffering from Macular Degeneration guiding one with less than 1/10 of normal vision.

3. Restrain your multiple Equus caballus.

4. The writing utensil containing small amounts of ink is more puissant than the iron hand-held weapon.

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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