Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Wednesday May 29, 2019

Epigrammies for your day!

1. It is ironic that the irony hardly ever involves iron.

2. I am lack-toes intolerant. If you don’t have all your toes on your feet, I don’t want you around me.

3. Nothing spells relief like the letters R, E, L, I, E, and F (especially in that order).

4. Violence is not the answer. Unless the question is “an eight-letter word starting

with V and ending with E with L and E in the middle.

5. When people say that you are not funny, explain to them that it only appears that way because you are in fact so funny that it is not even funny. After thinking about that profound paradox for a second their heads will usually explode, but not always.

6. Q: Is there anything funnier than a talking stand up comedian dog? A: Yes.

7. I am a huge procrastinator—- to the point that I am putting off finishing writing this joke until after you have read it.

8. I would have a good insight to share with you, but my mom (who happens to be a staunch Republican)

made me promise not to make fun of Trump any more.

9. I have already decided what I am going to give up for lent next year—the practice of giving things up.

10. My friends call me a double-crosser. I am obsessive-compulsive; sometimes making

the sign of the cross only once is not enough.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people & whatever you do, don’t forget to LAFF IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

DAILY QUOTES…

“When a man says he approves of something in principle, it
means he hasn’t the slightest intention of carrying it out
in practice.” –Otto von Bismarck

“Whenever I dwell for any length of time on my own short-
comings, they gradually begin to seem mild, harmless, rather
engaging little things, not at all like the staring defects
in other people’s characters.” –Margaret Halsey

“When everyone is somebody, then no one’s anybody.”
– W. S. Gilbert

“Women will forgive anything. Otherwise, the race would have
died out long ago.” —Robert Heinlein

“In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water
there is bacteria.” -Ben Franklin

Being happy doesn’t mean everything’s perfect; it just means
you’ve decided to see beyond the imperfections. –Unknown

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….

A fellow and his wife living in Houston, Texas, where the
people are all patriots, were blessed with the birth of
twins, two identical girls. These twins were born on the 4th
of July, and the father, being patriotic, said to his wife,
“We will name them Liberty and Justice, after the pledge of alligence”.

His wife said, “Are you nuts? You can’t have girls going
through life with names like Liberty and Justice. We are
going to name them regular girl’s names like Mary or Jane”.

Well, the argument went on for about a month, when a compro-
mise was reached. They would each name one of the girls. The
man chose Liberty and the wife picked Elizabeth.

As the girls grew, they were so identical, they kept pulling
tricks on people who couldn’t tell them apart.

Finally, when they were about 18, a young man took interest
in them. He would take one out on a date but he was never
sure which one he was with.

He decided he would marry at least one of them, but he wasn’t
sure which one he would marry.

He went to the girls father and explained his quandry.

“I love your daughters and want to marry one of them, but I
can’t tell them apart, so I will leave it up to you…

Give me Liberty or give me Beth.”😱😳😎

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Why do you want this so badly?” “Because they said I couldn’t have it.”

Answer: Men of Honor!
This movie tells the true story of Carl Brashear (Cuba Gooding Jr.), who endured racial prejudice and unfairness to become the U.S. Navy’s first African-American diver and later the first amputee Master Diver. Although U.S. President Harry S. Truman officially ordered an end to racial segregation in all branches of the U.S. armed forces in 1948, his order permitted local commanders to implement desegregation at such time they deemed appropriate. Unfortunately for Carl, commander Mr. Pappy at the Bayonne, N.J. divers’ training school (Hal Holbrook) is an avid racist. The famous quote from this movie is by Robert De Niro’s character (he plays diving instructor Chief Leslie “Billy” Sunday). When he is addressing a new class of recruits he points out there was an old-time preacher named Billy Sunday and then says, “The only difference between me and that old preacher is that he worked for God, and I AM God!” In this scene, medical student Jo (Aunjanue Ellis) is asked by Carl to tutor him so he can pass the written tests in his training and she asks the question in line one. He replies with line two. The real Carl Brashear was on the movie set to give advice during filming.

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ”We’re the first team.” “Yeah, and we’re not gonna fall for a banana in the tailpipe.”

Tuesday’s Quizzler is….

D
N
A
T
S , D

Answer: Stand up comedy (stand up comma D)

Wednesday’s Quizzler is…….

What emotion is an anagram of a homonym of an antonym of a homonym of an anagram of wolf?

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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