Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Thursday May 30, 2019

Here’s the story…..

Somewhere in this great country of ours, it’s National Administrative Professional’s Day! In honor of that special day we take a look at the administrative rules for work!

1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 and then bring it to

me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.

2. If it’s really a rush job, run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how it’s

going. That helps. Or even better, hover behind me, advising me at every keystroke.

3. Always leave without telling anyone where you’re going. It gives me a chance to be

creative when someone asks where you are.

4. If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books, or supplies, don’t open the door for me.

I need to learn how to function as a paraplegic and opening doors with no arms is good

training in case I should ever be injured and lose all use of my limbs.

5. If you give me more than one job to do, don’t tell me which is priority. I am psychic.

6. Do your best to keep me late. I adore this office and really have nowhere to go or

anything to do. I have no life beyond work.

7. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets out, it could mean a promotion.

8. If you don’t like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in conversations.

I was born to be whipped.

9. If you have special instructions for a job, don’t write them down. In fact, save them

until the job is almost done. No use confusing me with useful information.

10. Never introduce me to the people you’re with. I have no right to know anything. In the corporate food chain,
I am plankton. When you refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people & whatever you do, don’t forget to LAFF IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

DAILY QUOTES…

“Blue Cross is partnering with Lyft to give people rides to the doctor. It costs $600.

The drivers are specially trained, and – it’s just an ambulance.” -Jimmy Fallon

“A company has come out with a robot that makes salad. So finally – a robot that’s not

going to take away any American jobs!” -Conan O’Brien

“A new study released today shows that blotting pizza with a napkin to remove extra grease can remove an average of 40 calories per slice. So if you’re looking for an easy

way to lose weight, just eat that napkin.” -Seth Meyers

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….

Jesus and his disciples were walking around one day, when
Jesus said, “The Kingdom of Heaven is like 3x squared plus
8x minus 9.”

The disciples looked very puzzled, and finally asked Peter,
“What on earth does Jesus mean — ‘the Kingdom of Heaven is
like 3x squared plus 8x minus 9?'”

Peter said, “Don’t worry, guys. It’s just another one of his parabolas.” 😁😎

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “We’re the first team.” “Yeah, and we’re not gonna fall for a banana in the tailpipe.”

Answer: Beverly Hills Cop! In the events leading up to this scene, a friend visiting from California is killed right before the eyes of Detroit cop Detective Axel Foley (Eddie Murphy). Foley follows the killer to Beverly Hills, California, where Lieutenant Andrew Bogomil (Ronny Cox) in the Beverly Hills police department assigns Detective Billy Rosewood (Judge Reinhold) and Rosewood’s partner, Sergeant John Taggart (John Ashton), to keep an eye on him. In order to slip away from them to do some investigating of the murder of his friend, he manages to slip a banana into the tailpipe of their car while they are parked. When he takes off by car and they try to follow, the banana makes their car stall. In this scene, Rosewood and Taggart have been replaced by the “A” team. Detective McCabe (Joel Bailey) says the first line to Foley and his partner Detective Foster (Art Kimbro) adds line two. In the 1985 Academy Awards, “Beverly Hills Cop” was nominated for an Oscar in the category of Screenplay Written Directly for the Screen but lost to “Places in the Heart.” Many of the comic lines in this movie were improvised and hundreds of takes were ruined by actors or the director himself who laughed during filming.
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ”Tell me I’m a good man.” “You ARE.”

Wednesday’s Quizzler is….

What emotion is an anagram of a homonym of an antonym of a homonym of an anagram of wolf?

Answer: Fear. The anagram of wolf is fowl. The homonym of fowl is foul. The antonym of foul is fair. The homonym of fair is fare. The anagram of fare is fear, which is the emotion.

Thursday’s Quizzler is…….

On an otherwise deserted and isolated island, 200 perfect logicians are stranded. The islanders are perfectly logical in every decision they make, and they will not do anything unless they are absolutely certain of the outcome. However, they cannot communicate with each other. They are forbidden from speaking with one another, or signing, or writing messages in the sand, else they be smited by the god of the island.

Of the 200 islanders, 100 have blue eyes, and 100 have brown eyes. However, no individual knows what color their own eyes are. There are no reflective surfaces on the island for the inhabitants to see a reflection of their own eyes. They can each see the 199 other islanders and their eye colors, but any given individual does not know if his or her own eyes are brown, blue, or perhaps another color entirely. And remember, they cannot communicate with each other in any way under penalty of death.

Each night, when a ship comes, the islanders have a chance to leave the barren and desolate spit of land they have been marooned on. If an islander tells the captain of the ship the color of his or her own eyes, they may board the ship and leave. If they get it wrong, they will be shot dead.

Now, there is one more person on the island: the guru, who the islanders know to always tell the truth. The guru has green eyes. One day, she stands up before all 200 islanders and says:

“I see a person with blue eyes.”

Who leaves the island? And when do they leave?

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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