Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Monday June 3, 2019

Obtainable Affirmations!

1. As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I am in touch with my inner sociopath.

2. I have the power to channel my imagination into ever soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia.

3. I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else’s fault.

4. I no longer need to punish, deceive, or compromise myself, unless I want to stay employed.

5. In some cultures what I do would be considered normal.

6. Having control over myself is almost as good as having control over others.

7. My intuition nearly makes up for my lack of self-judgment.

8. I honor my personality flaws for without them I would have no personality at all.

9. I am grateful that I am not as judgmental as all those censorious, self-righteous people around me.

10. I am willing to make the mistakes if someone else is willing to learn from them.

Did you see yourself anywhere on the list? I believe I hit the list about three times, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people & whatever you do, don’t forget to LAFF IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

DAILY QUOTES…

“I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me

behind my back.” – Richard Lewis

“A hypocrite is a person who–but who isn’t?”

– Don Marquis

“Everything is funny as long as it is happening to Somebody Else.”

– Will Rogers

“Newly declassified documents show that Julia Childs, a

famous chef, was a spy. I like to spy on things in my

kitchen…then I interrogate them in my tummy.”

-Craig Ferguson

“In 1974 that Richard Nixon resigned the

presidency after getting caught lying and violating the

Constitution. Remember when that kind of thing used to get

you kicked out of office?” -Jay Leno 😱

“Zoo: An excellent place to study the habits of human beings.”
– Evan Esar

“The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.”
– Robert R. Coveyou

“My own business always bores me to death; I prefer other people’s.”
– Oscar Wilde

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….

A motorcycle enthusiast complained that he couldn’t decide
whether to buy a bike with high top speed and poor acceler-
ation, or one with lots of torque and fast acceleration,
but a poor top speed. Eventually he decided on the second
one, because it cost a lot less. After all, torque is cheap! 😁😎

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ”You’re going into the men’s room.” “Huh? Oh, so I am. I do need new glasses.”

Answer: Mrs. Doubtfire
When Daniel Hillard (Robin Williams) loses his job, his irresponsibility makes life impossible for his wife Miranda (Sally Field) and she reluctantly decides to divorce him. A judge decrees that in order to help Daniel to get his life in order, he can see his children just one day a week. He can’t bear this, and when Miranda advertises for a housekeeper to help her, Daniel decides to don a disguise and apply for the job as a British nanny named Mrs. Doubtfire. In this scene, Mrs. Doubtfire joins the family at a restaurant and has to use the restroom. Miranda observes Mrs. Doubtfire going into the men’s room and says line one. Daniel as Mrs. Doubtfire laughs it off with line two. In the 1994 Academy Awards “Mrs. Doubtfire” won the Oscar for Best Makeup. It took Robin Williams about 4 1/2 hours each day to be made up as Mrs. Doubtfire.

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Funny like I’m a clown? I amuse you?”

Friday’s Quizzler is….

If you balanced a broom horizontally on your finger, so that your finger was exactly on the broom’s center of gravity, marked that spot and cut the broom in two, then you would have a long and a short piece. The long piece being most of the handle and the short piece being the bristle end and a small part of the handle. Now what will happen if you weigh both pieces? (pick all that apply)

A) The short piece will weigh more.
B) The long piece will weigh more.
C) Both will weigh the same.
D) Your mom will find out and hit you with both pieces!

Answer: A) The short piece will weigh more!
This is due to the torque needed to hold the long piece up. It is the same reason a heavy kid has to sit closer in on a see-saw when he is on it with a lighter friend.
Oh yeah, D) may also be correct depending on your mother’s temperament.

Monday’s Quizzler is…….

When you curtail a word, you remove the last letter and still have a valid word. You will be given clues for the two words, longer word first.
Example: Begin -> Heavenly body
Answer: The words are Start and Star.

1. Royal ruler -> Relatives; family
2. Musical composition with words -> Offspring
3. Musically produce words with the voice -> Transgression
4. Having ambitious goals -> Fever and pain medicine
5. Bird limb -> To be victorious
6. Long, sharp tooth -> Enthusiastic follower
7. Depending or building on something -> Container for water
8. Moving up and down (in water) -> A threaded spool for sewing

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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