Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Friday June 7, 2019

Actual excerpts from the Hickphonics/English dictionary:
HEIDI — noun. Greeting.
HIRE YEW – Complete sentence. Remainder of greeting. Usage:”Heidi. Hire yew.”
BARD — verb. Past tense of the infinitive “to borrow.” Usage:”My brother bard my pickup truck.”
JAWJUH — noun. A state just north of Florida. Capital is Hot-lanta. Usage: “My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck.”
MUNTS — noun. A calendar division. Usage: “My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I ain’t herd from him in munts.”
RANCH — noun. A tool used for tight’nin’ bolts. Usage: “I think I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago.”
ALL — noun. A petroleum-based lubricant. Usage: “I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck.”
FAR — noun. A conflagration. Usage: “If my brother from Jawjuh don’t change the all in my pickup truck, that things gonna catch far.”
BAHS — noun. A supervisor. Usage: “If you don’t stop reading these Southern words and git back to work (or studying), your bahs is gonna far you!”
TAR — noun. A rubber wheel. Usage: “Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh don’t git a flat tar in my pickup truck.”
TIRE — noun. A tall monument. Usage: “Lord willin’ and the creek don’t rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime.”
RETARD — Verb. To stop working. Usage: “My grampaw retard at age 65.”
TARRED — adverb. Exhausted. Usage: “I just flew in from Hot-lanta, and boy my arms are tarred.”
FAT — noun, verb. 1. a battle or combat. 2. to engage in battle or combat.
ARE — pronoun. Possessive case of we used as a predicate adjective.
RATS — noun. Entitled power or privilege. Usage: “We Southerners are willin’ to fat for are rats.”
FARN — adjective. Not local. Usage: “I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed… must be from some farn country.”
DID — adjective. Not alive. Usage: “He’s did, Jim.”
EAR — noun. A colorless, odorless gas (unless you are in LA). Usage: “He cain’t breath … give ‘im some ear!”
BOB WAR — noun. A sharp, twisted cable. Usage: “Boy, stay away fom that bob war fence.”
HAZE — a contraction. Usage: “Is Bubba smart?” “Nah… haze gnert.”
SEED — verb, past tense.
VIEW — contraction: verb and pronoun. Usage: “I ain’t never seed New York City… view?”

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people & whatever you all do, don’t forget to LAFF IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

DAILY QUOTES…

“People have been selling fake parking spaces. They charge people to park in spots that

they have no ownership of. Here’s a tip to avoid becoming a victim of this fraud. If you

find a parking space during the festival, it’s a scam.” -Jimmy Kimmel

“A new study shows that young adults suffering from insomnia are at higher risk of a stroke.

So, that information should help you finally get some sleep.” -Seth Meyers

“One of the winners of this year’s Scripps National Spelling Bee has an older brother who

won the competition in 2014. Or as their dad put it, ‘I’m just going to throw these

baseball mitts away.'” -Jimmy Fallon

“My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, ‘Mom, they weren’t trying to teach you how to swim.'” -Paula Poundstone

“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s

called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.” -Drew Carey

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….

Three elderly doctors have been friends for many years, and one afternoon at the club they started talking about their final arrangements.
The first, a dentist, says, “When I die, I think I’d like my tombstone to be shaped like a tooth made of white marble.”
“That’s a very clever idea,” says the cardiologist, “I’d love my tombstone to be shaped like a heart in red marble.”
The urologist is silent for a bit, then says, “I’m thinking about having my ashes scattered.”😐😁😎

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???“I’m walking here! I’m walking here!”

Answer: Midnight Cowboy! “Midnight Cowboy” stars Jon Voight as Joe Buck, a young man from Texas who moves to New York City in hopes of earning a living as a gigolo. After having very little success, he meets and forms a partnership with a street con named Ratso Rizzo (Dustin Hoffman), who is not only crippled, but is also in extremely bad health. Business doesn’t get much better for Joe, but the two do become good friends. Ratso’s dream has always been to one day move to Florida, so when his health begins to deteriorate further, Joe steals some money and purchases two tickets to Miami, but Ratso dies before they reach their destination. The line is delivered by Ratso after he and Joe are nearly run over by a New York City cab while crossing the street.
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Over? Did you say over? Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell, no!”

Thursday’s Quizzler is….

As his name would suggest, Joe was not a meek, quiet fellow. In fact he had such difficulty keeping quiet, both his local and university library banned him. His roommate, being a music major and a sound engineer, said he could solve his problem, but Joe would need to trust him. He gave Joe his 75-watt ghetto blaster, a CD, fake mustache, and a long blond wig. Joe, who is sceptical but intrigued, decided to give it a shot. Joe, disguised as one of the professors, entered the university library. He placed the CD player on the table in front of him; loaded the CD; cranked the volume full and braced himself as he turned it on. Surprisingly there was only a very very faint sshh. Joe then realized that he couldn’t hear anything at all. He spoke normally, and then yelled, but no one reacted. Awesome, he thought as he began flailing his arms around and shouting as loud as he could. Unfortunately, the librarian, seeing him moving but hearing nothing, assumed he was choking and performed the Heimlich maneuver on him, knocking his wig off, causing the librarian to perform the hind kick maneuver right out the door. Poor Joe.
But what had his roommate done? What was on that mysterious CD that made everything quiet?

Answer: Most airline pilots could tell you. Joe’s roommate used the same technology that airline and fighter pilots have in their noise cancelling headsets. It works like this; the CD had a low frequency sound (below the 20 Hz which humans can’t hear) recorded on it. As long as the volume of the low frequency is louder than your voice or other noise, you hear almost nothing for the low sounds (which humans can’t hear) and drown out other sounds. I heard that when this was first discovered that libraries actually used this concept to create quiet until they realized that even though humans couldn’t hear the low sound, if loud enough, it would still damage the ears.

Friday’s Quizzler is…….

I’ve been drawn by the artists these days, and of old;
Yet I’m seen only when all around me is cold.

For most of the time you just live and ignore me;
Then you gasp for me, stop for me, mutter below me.

You might say, in surprise, I’ve been taken away,
But it’s true I’ve been with you, at least ’til today.

When I leave you, you leave too!

Who am I?😎

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

The World According to the Eucman!

Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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