Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Monday June 10, 2019

Here’s the story…..

We all fail sometimes. But there’s something about failing with style. Here are some of the best test paper blunders from the most clueless – and inventive – of students.

* Classical Studies * Question: Name one of the early Romans’ greatest achievements.Answer: Learning to speak Latin

* Biology * Question: What is a fibula? Answer: A little lie

* Classical Studies * Question: What were the circumstances of Julius Caesar’s death? Answer: Suspicious ones

* Biology * Question: Give an example of a smoking-related disease Answer: Early death

* Biology * Question: What is a plasmid? Answer: A high definition television

* Religious Studies * Question: Christians only have one spouse, what is this called? Answer: Monotony

* Physics * Question: Name an environmental side effect of burning fossil fuels. Answer: Fire

* Geography * Question: What does the term “lava” mean? Answer: A pre-pubescent caterpillar

* Geography * Question: The race of people known as Malays come from which country? Answer: Malaria

* Geography * Question: Name one famous Greek landmark. Answer: The most famous Greek landmark is the Apocalypse

* History * Question: Where was the American Declaration of Independence signed? Answer: At the bottom.

Really, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people & whatever you all do, don’t forget to LAFF IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

DAILY QUOTES…

“This week in Texas, a fire broke out in a warehouse destroying 2,000 pounds

of marijuana. Officials say more than 60 firefighters and 2,000 college

students responded to the blaze.” -Conan O’Brien

“I get those maternal feelings sometimes, like when I’m lying on the couch

and can’t reach the remote, I think, ‘Boy, a kid
would be nice right now.'” –Kathleen Madigan

“He’s turned his life around. He used to be depressed and miserable. Now

he’s miserable and depressed.” – David Frost

“The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.”- e e cummings

“According to ‘Consumer Research’ more people are drinking soda for

breakfast. It’s become the new orange juice. Maybe

in the trailer park where Yoo-hoo is the new champagne!” –Jay Leno

“A chimp gave birth at a place called Chimp Haven in Louisiana. Why is this

unusual? All the male chimps in the facility are given vasectomies. Maybe it

was an immaculate conception. How else can you explain the three wise

chimps who showed up?” –Jimmy Kimmel

“According to a new study that just came out, smoking pot regularly does not

lead to harder drugs. In fact the study shows that smoking pot regularly does

not lead to doing much of anything.” –Conan O’Brien

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….

While working as a Navy nurse in a military hospital’s emergency room, I was required to introduce myself by my rank and full name. I usually refer to myself as Ensign Mike Payne, but one busy day I rushed into a patient’s room and blurted, “Hi, I’m Ensign Payne.” “Hi,” the patient responded. “I’m in some pain too.” 😐😎

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???“Over? Did you say over? Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell, no!”

Answer: National Lampoon’s Animal House
Set in 1962 at fictional Faber College, “National Lampoon’s Animal House” follows the antics of the members of the less than prestigious Delta Tau Chi fraternity. Following a series of campus violations and mishaps, the Deltas, who are already on probation, have their charter revoked by the school’s Dean, Vernon Wormer. Things only get worse for the frat boys, as their midterm grades are so bad that Wormer has them all expelled, which means they are now eligible for the draft. The quote is part of an impassioned speech delivered by the fraternity’s sergeant-at-arms John “Bluto” Blutarsky (John Belushi), in an attempt to rally his frat brothers, after they have all but given up. In the end the Deltas get their revenge against the school and Dean Wormer by converting an old car into a float and turning the annual homecoming parade into a complete and utter disaster.
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “I’m your huckleberry.”

Friday’s Quizzler is….

I’ve been drawn by the artists these days, and of old;
Yet I’m seen only when all around me is cold.

For most of the time you just live and ignore me;
Then you gasp for me, stop for me, mutter below me.

You might say, in surprise, I’ve been taken away,
But it’s true I’ve been with you, at least ’til today.

When I leave you, you leave too!

Who am I?😎

Answer: Breath!
Everyone draws breath, and it is seen on icy days.
We breathe subconsciously, but might gasp or stop for breath. We mutter “under our breath” at times.
We might say our breath is “taken away” but we have it as long as we live – until we “leave” this world!

Monday’s Quizzler is…….

Can you find the eleven hidden colors in the following paragraph:

Many injured animals are invited to live at the ‘Toronto Range’. Stop in kangaroo corner and marvel at the lovely creatures within. Dig over the potato patch to find small furry caterpillars, but don’t yell! Owls can be found swooping for edible rodents, earwigs or perhaps bluebottles in the undergrowth. The brown bear, Rob, lacks grace and may look like an ogre, enter at your own risk! Peacocks can be found showing their colorful wares, which look fantastic when viewed with our ultraviolet torch.

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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