Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Tuesday June 11, 2019

THANK YOU FOR CALLING THE MENTAL HEALTH HOT LINE…

If you’re obsessive/compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.

If you’re co-dependent, ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you’re a multiple personality, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you’re paranoid and delusional, we already know what you want and who you are. Just stay on the line while we trace your call.

If you’re schizophrenic, please hold, and a little voice will tell you what to press.

If you’re depressed, it probably doesn’t matter what you press, it won’t do you any good anyway.

Really, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a Happy Tuesday people & whatever you all do, don’t forget to LAFF IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

DAILY QUOTES…

“The quickest way of ending a war is to lose it.”- George Orwell

“We should have a way of telling people they have bad breath. ‘Well, I’m

bored…let’s go brush our teeth.’ Or, ‘I’ve got to make a phone call, hold

this gum in your mouth.'” –Brad Stine

“Looking through the want ads last week, I came across a job that required a

college degree or the equivalent. Finally, I thought, my eight years of

high school are paying off.” –Buzz Nutley

“Maybe every other American movie shouldn’t be based on a comic book.

Other countries will think Americans live in an infantile fantasy land where

every problem can be solved with violence.” –Bill Maher

“Although a lot of people are on these low-carb diets, doctors say be careful,

because you need carbohydrates because carbohydrates create a chemical in

your brain that cheers you up and fights depression. So the next time you

see a guy on a ledge, about to jump… throw him a doughnut.” –Jay Leno

“A woman in California is being studied because she says she remembers

everything from the last 12 years. And I’m thinking, ‘Wait a minute —

isn’t that every woman?'” -Dave Letterman👍👍👍😁😎

“This week a man in Florida was arrested for hitting the manager of a Taco Bell

in the face with a bag full of Tacos. Afterwards, the Taco Bell manager said,

‘It’s weird, my tacos usually don’t attack me until I’m in the bathroom.'” -Conan O’Brien

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….

Having grown up just outside New York City, I barely knew a cow from an ear of corn.

Until, that is, I married a small town Ohio girl. While I was in seminary school, I had a

temporary assignment at a church in a rural community. The day of my first sermon,

I tried very hard to fit in. Maybe too hard. With my wife sitting in the first pew,

I began my discourse: “I never saw a cow until I met my wife.” 😳😱😎

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “I’m your huckleberry.”

Answer: Tombstone!
In the film, Wyatt Earp (Kurt Russell) along with his brothers Virgil (Sam Elliott) and Morgan (Bill Paxton) move to Tombstone, Arizona in hopes of settling down and leading a normal life, but the actions of a murderous gang of thugs known as the Cowboys, make that all but impossible. The line is spoken twice in the film by Doc Holiday (Val Kilmer), each time directed at Johnny Ringo, a member of the Cowboys. The second time it’s used is just prior to a gun duel between Holiday and Ringo, which ends in Ringo’s death from a single shot to the head. As far as the meaning of “I’m your huckleberry”, it’s a slang term for being the right person for a particular job.
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “I don’t want to live in a city where the only cultural advantage is you can make a right turn on a red light.”

Monday’s Quizzler is….

Can you find the eleven hidden colors in the following paragraph:

Many injured animals are invited to live at the ‘Toronto Range’. Stop in kangaroo corner and marvel at the lovely creatures within. Dig over the potato patch to find small furry caterpillars, but don’t yell! Owls can be found swooping for edible rodents, earwigs or perhaps bluebottles in the undergrowth. The brown bear, Rob, lacks grace and may look like an ogre, enter at your own risk! Peacocks can be found showing their colorful wares, which look fantastic when viewed with our ultraviolet torch.

Answer: Many inju(red) animals are invited t(o live) at the ‘Toront(o Range)’. Sto(p in k)angaroo corner and marvel at the lovely creatures with(in. Dig o)ver the potato patch to find small furry caterpillars, but don’t (yell! Ow)ls can be found swooping fo(r ed)ible rodents, earwigs or perhaps (blue)bottles in the undergrowth. The (brown) bear, Ro(b, lack)s grace and may look like an o(gre, en)ter at your own risk! Peacocks can be found showing their colourful wares, which look fantastic when viewed with our ultra(violet) torch.

Tuesday’s Quizzler is…….

When you behead a word, you remove the first letter and still have a valid word. You will be given clues for the two words, longer word first.
Example: Begin -> Sour, acidic
Answer: The words are Start and Tart.

1. Firm earth -> Circular
2. Tomb; serious -> Talk wildly or madly
3. Dead spirit -> Person who entertains guests
4. Spectacles -> Young maidens
5. Happy, joyous -> Youth; boy
6. Precious metal -> Advanced in years
7. Increase in size -> Move a boat with oars
8. Large boat with oars -> Narrow back street

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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