Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Wednesday June 12, 2019

ACTUAL PRODUCT INSTRUCTIONS:

ON A HAIRDRYER: *Do not use while sleeping.

ON A BAG OF FRITO’S: *You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.

ON A BAR OF DIAL SOAP: *Directions: Use like regular soap.

FROZEN DINNER SERVING SUGGESTION: *Defrost.

ON A HOTEL-PROVIDED SHOWER CAP IN A BOX: *Fits one head.

ON TESCO’S TIRAMISU DESSERT: *Do not turn upside down. (Printed on the bottom of the box.)

ON MARKS & SPENCER BREAD PUDDING: *Product will be hot after heating.

ON PACKAGING FOR A ROWENA IRON: *Do not Iron clothes on body.

ON BOOTS CHILDREN’S COUGH MEDICINE: *Do not drive car or operate machinery.

ON NYTOL (A SLEEP AID): *Warning: May cause drowsiness.

ON A KOREAN KITCHEN KNIFE: *Warning: Keep out of children.

ON A STRING OF CHINESE MADE CHRISTMAS LIGHTS: *For indoor or outdoor use only.

ON A JAPANESE FOOD PROCESSOR: *Not to be used for the other use.

ON SALISBURY’S PEANUTS: *Warning: contains nuts.

ON AN AMERICAN AIRLINES PACKET OF NUTS: *Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.

ON A SWEDISH CHAINSAW: *Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands. Really….

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people & whatever you all do, don’t forget to LAFF IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

DAILY QUOTES…

“Scientists in Japan have developed an umbrella that has Internet access and

allows users to search the Internet while they walk. An electronic device that

you carry in a rain storm. What could possibly go wrong?” -Conan O’Brien

“More Americans can name the three stooges than the three branches of government.

Well, that’s because the three stooges are more likely to get something done.” -David Letterman

“There’s a new report that says more than half of American workers didn’t use all their

vacation days last year. They had them, they just didn’t take them. So the people who

did the study asked why. Some said they did it to impress their boss with their work ethic. The rest said, I hate my family.” -Jimmy Kimmel

“The TSA is under fire for major security lapses. The TSA has let through pipe bombs, knives, and the last three Nicolas Cage movies.” -Conan O’Brien

“According to a new study, the recommendation that people need eight glasses of water per day is a myth. I think we figured that out when we never once drank eight glasses of water and still survived.” -Seth Meyers

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….

A new employee calls the Help Desk to complain that there’s something wrong with her password.

“The problem is that whenever I type the password, it just shows stars,” she says. “Those asterisks

are to protect you,” the Help Desk technician explains, “so if someone were standing behind you,

they wouldn’t be able to read your password.” “Yeah,” she says, “but they show up even when there is no one standing behind me.”

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “I don’t want to live in a city where the only cultural advantage is you can make a right turn on a red light.”

Answer: Annie Hall! “Annie Hall” explores the on-again, off-again relationship between New York City comedian and slightly neurotic Alvy Singer, played by Woody Allen, and aspiring nightclub singer Annie Hall, portrayed by Diane Keaton. The story is told through the eyes of Alvy, as he reflects back on the reasons why the relationship eventually failed. The quote is spoken by Alvy during a conversation with his friend Rob, who is trying to convince Alvy to leave New York City and move to Los Angeles.

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here! This is the War Room!”

Tuesday’s Quizzler is….

When you behead a word, you remove the first letter and still have a valid word. You will be given clues for the two words, longer word first.
Example: Begin -> Sour, acidic
Answer: The words are Start and Tart.

1. Firm earth -> Circular
2. Tomb; serious -> Talk wildly or madly
3. Dead spirit -> Person who entertains guests
4. Spectacles -> Young maidens
5. Happy, joyous -> Youth; boy
6. Precious metal -> Advanced in years
7. Increase in size -> Move a boat with oars
8. Large boat with oars -> Narrow back street

Answer: 1. Ground -> Round

2. Grave -> Rave
3. Ghost -> Host
4. Glasses -> Lasses
5. Glad -> Lad
6. Gold -> Old
7. Grow -> Row
8. Galley -> Alley

Wednesday’s Quizzler is…….

What are the answers to all these clues and what do those answers have in common?

1. An amber tinted paste used on a wienerwurst.
2. A purple fruit
3. Besides the number of days, the months of May and August have this in common.
4. A finely feathered and polychromatic avian friend.
5. A 7 letter word for a pigment like crimson.
6. A bleached and neutral hue.

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

RECOMMENDED WEBSITE LINKS:

http://www.slampi.org, http://www.hopeBUILD.org, http://www.GodLovesPraise.com, https://elisabethluxe.com, http://www.themuscleministry.com.

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