Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Friday June 14, 2019

TOP TEN UNLIKELY MARRIAGES!

1. If Kitty Carlisle married Conway Twitty, she’d be Kitty Twitty.

2. If Yoko Ono married Sonny Bono, she’d be Yoko Ono Bono.

3. If Dolly Parton married Salvador Dali, she’d be Dolly Dali.

4. If Bo Derek married Don Ho, she’d be Bo Ho.

5. If Olivia Newton-John married Wayne Newton, then divorced him to marry

Elton John, she’d be Olivia Newton-John Newton John.

6.If Sondra Locke married Elliott Ness, then divorced him to marry Herman

Munster, she’d become Sondra Locke Ness Munster.

7. If Bea Arthur married Sting, she’d be Bea Sting.

8. If Liv Ullman married Judge Lance Ito, then divorced him and married Jerry

Mathers, she’d be Liv Ito Beaver.

9. If Snoop Doggy Dogg married Winnie the Pooh, he’d be Snoop Doggy Dogg Pooh.

10. How about a baseball marriage? If Boog Powell married Felipe Alou, he’d be Boog Alou.

11. If G. Gordon Liddy married Boutros-Boutros Ghali, then divorced him to marry

Kenny G., he’d be G. Ghali G.

12. If Shirley Jones married Tom Ewell, then Johnny Rotten, then Nathan Hale,

she’d be Shirley Ewell Rotten Hale.

13. If Ivana Trump married, in succession, Orson Bean (actor), King Oscar (of Norway),

Louis B. Mayer (of MGM), and Norbert Wiener (mathematician), she would then be

Ivana Bean Oscar Mayer Wiener.

14. If Woody Allen married Natalie Wood, divorced her and married Gregory Peck,

divorced him and married Ben Hur, he’d be Woody Wood Peck Hur.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Fathers Day weekend people

& whatever you all do, don’t forget to LAFF IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

DAILY QUOTES…

“Walmart is offering a new service where employees will deliver items to your house

on their way home from work. Not only that – they’ll also deliver the items in a

Target bag so your neighbors think you’re classy.” -Jimmy Fallon

“According to The New York Times, one of the biggest doping scandals in the history

of track and field is coming to light. It involves Russian athletes in the sport of racewalking – or as it’s known to the billions of people who do it every day, ‘hurrying up.'” -James Corden

“A boy in Maryland this weekend was trapped in an arcade claw machine after climbing

through the prize door. Luckily, rescuers were able to get him out after about 35 quarters.” -Seth Meyers

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….
A man with a wooden leg wanted to buy fire insurance for his leg. The first actuary quoted an annual premium of $500, estimating that the leg would burn once in 20 years and the value of the leg is $5,000. The second actuary quoted an annual premium of $50. When the second actuary was asked how he arrived at such a small figure, he replied, “This situation is right here in the fire schedule rating table.
The object is a wooden structure with an upper sprinkler, isn’t it?” 😁😎

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “There’s no crying in baseball!”?

Answer: A League of Their Own

“A League of Their Own” is a fictionalized story about the real-life All-American Girls Professional Baseball League (AAGPBL), and one of its founding members the Rockford Peaches. The film takes place in 1943, where due to America’s participation in World War II, most of the male professional baseball players have been shipped overseas. Rather than shut Major League Baseball down, the owners get together and decide to create a women’s league, so as to keep the sport in the public eye. The movie follows the trials and tribulations of the Peaches’ first season together, which ends with the team’s appearance in the inaugural AAGPBL World Series. The line is delivered after Dugan, played by Tom Hanks, loudly reprimands one of his players for making a mental error in the field, which in turn causes the young lady to start bawling.

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “People all say that I’ve had a bad break. But today…today, I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of the Earth.”

Thursday’s Quizzler is….

Before I came, confusion abounded.
I’m late, I’m late was frequently sounded.I’m not average, but was based on a mean.
My size, in theory, is constant: fifteen.I’m two dozen steps, again in theory.
But walk my length and you’d get weary.

I take half and quarter steps at times.
In reality, I don’t follow the lines.

I shrink to nothing in two cold extremes.
Over a thousand miles wide in the betweens.

What am I?

Answer: Time zones.
Before the invention of standard time zones, each city or region could have its own local time. This became increasingly awkward as railways and telecommunications improved. Originally, time zones based their time on Greenwich Mean Time (GMT). Mean solar time is defined by the rotation of the Earth, which is not constant in rate. Starting January 1, 1972, a new system was used, Coordinated Universal Time (UTC), which used a fixed rate and added leap seconds when necessary to compensate for variations in the rotation of the Earth.

In theory, there are 24 time zones, making each a constant 15 degrees of longitude apart. A time zone varies in width from zero miles at both poles to over 1000 miles at the equator. In reality, there are about 40 time zones, and the border between time zones is irregular, following political or geographical boundaries. The island of Newfoundland, India, and parts of Australia use half-hour deviations from standard time, and some nations use quarter-hour deviations. Canada’s Sir Sandford Fleming first proposed time zones for the entire world in 1876. Most major countries had adopted hourly time zones by 1929.

Friday’s Quizzler is…….

Joe needed some extra money, so he decided to take a summer job with a local gift shop, as a delivery boy. Joe had just loaded the van, when a gust of wind blew his delivery list out of his hand and into a puddle of water. The ink ran and 5 entries were smudged out. Joe remembers some of the details of the deliveries, but needs help reconstructing his list so he can get back to work. Using the clues below, can you help Joe figure out who each gift was delivered to, the occasion for the gift, the street each recipient lives on and the time the gifts are to be delivered?

Recipients: Tava, Gretta, Diane, Jill, Sarah
Gifts: Roses, tulips, teddy bear, tiger, balloons
Occasions: birthday, anniversary, get well, baby, promotion
Streets: Julian Ave, Story St, Brady Ln, Dory Dr, Manor Ct.
Times: 10 am, 11 am, noon, 1 pm, 2 pm

1) Gretta does not live on Story St.

2) Both the 11 am delivery and the one made to Sarah were flowers.

3) The 5 deliveries are the roses, the one on Story St, the one made at 1 pm, the one with a get well message, and the one made to Tava.

4) The last delivery of the day was a stuffed animal given as a birthday gift.

5) Jill (who just had a baby) did not receive a stuffed animal, nor was her gift delivered at noon.

6) The delivery on Julian Ave (which wasn’t to Gretta) was tulips.

7) The deliveries were made in the following order: the balloons, the one made to Dory Dr, the one made to Diane, the gift given to celebrate a promotion, and the one made to Manor Ct.

8) The teddy bear was delivered 1 hour before Sarah received her gift, but 2 hours after the delivery on Story St.

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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