Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Monday July 1, 2019

Random humor:

Polynesia: memory loss in parrots.

Oh Lord, give me patience…and GIVE IT TO ME NOW!

A good pun is its own reword.

Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.

I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure..

I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.

Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!

To err is human, to moo bovine.

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people & whatever you do,

don’t forget to LAFF IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

DAILY QUOTES…

“I base my fashion taste on what doesn’t itch.” – Gilda Radner

“The purpose of life is to fight maturity.” – Dick Werthimer

“My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.” – Rodney Dangerfield

“Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.” – Steven Wright

“There is no abstract art. You must always start with something. Afterward you can

remove all traces of reality.” – Pablo Picasso

“I have been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.” – Mark Twain

“I am a kind of paranoiac in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy.” – J. D. Salinger

“I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy

the world. This makes it hard to plan the day.” –E. B. White

“With 60 staring me in the face, I have developed inflammation of the sentence structure and

a definite hardening of the paragraphs.” –James Thurber

“I like to think of my behavior in the sixties as a “learning experience.” Then again, I like to think

of anything stupid I’ve done as a “learning experience.” It makes me feel less stupid.” –P. J. O’Rourke

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….
At the urging of his doctor, John moved to Arizona. After settling in, he met a neighbor who was also an older man. “Say, my doctor recommended I move here for my health. Is this really a good place to live?” “It sure is,” the man replied. “When I first arrived here I couldn’t say one word. I had hardly any hair on my head. I didn’t have the strength to walk across a room and I had to be lifted

out of bed.” “That’s wonderful!” said John. “How long have you been here?” “I was born here.” 😱😁😎

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “I had to live with that squealing, corpulent little toad all these years. God, I hate that woman. I -I – I hate the way she licks stamps! I hate her furniture! And I hate that little sound she makes when she sleeps.”

Answer: Ruthless People
The scene for this quote takes place as Stone (Devito) tells his lover Anita (Carol Dodsworth) of his plans to kill Barbara (Midler) so that he can have all of the money that they share.

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “She ate from her own plate. She ate with a spoon. Herself. And she folded her napkin.”
“Folded her napkin?”

Friday’s Quizzler is….

Can you find a three-letter word that will go in front of each word in the group to make a new, compound word? For each group, the three-letter word will have just one letter changed from the answer to the previous group! (Example: Group 1 = Run, Group 2 = Fun, Group 3 = Sun)

1) Fight, walk, fish, nap

2) Back, throat, lass, let

3) Case, cracker, house, shell

4) Side, come, match, size

Answer: 1) = cat (catfight, catwalk, catfish, catnap)

2) = cut (cutback, cutthroat, cutlass, cutlet)

3) = nut (nutcase, nutcracker, nuthouse, nutshell)

4) = out (outside, outcome, outmatch, outsize)

Monday’s Quizzler is…….

For each of the following clues, what is a synonym that contains the letters CAT?

1.Baseball position

2.Copy

3.What you get with a doctor’s prescription

4.Underground cemetery

5.Time off from school or work

6.Ten-event contest

7.Disaster

8.Mimic

9.Cows

10.Teacher

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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