Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Friday July 12, 2019

Doesn’t It Annoy You When…

1. There’s a car alarm nearby that goes on for hours and the owner is nowhere to be found?

2. You buy an answering machine so you won’t miss any calls, and then everyone hangs up when they hear the machine answer?

3. There’s a cop car in sight and everyone thinks they have to drive 10-15 mph slower than the speed limit?

4. You’re reading a magazine and all those annoying little subscription cards keep falling out?

5. You tell someone that a door is locked and they try to open it anyway, like it’ll magically open for them and not you.

6. Someone says, “well, to make a long story short” and then they go on telling it for another 15 minutes.

7. A friend or family member says “Yuck! This is awful!!” and then tells you to try some.

8. You have to inform five different sales people in the same store that you’re just looking around.

9. You rub on hand cream and can’t turn the bathroom doorknob to get out.

10. A waiter or waitress is not around at any time other than right after you put food in your mouth.

11. Your tire gauge lets half the air in your tire when all you want is a pressure reading.

12. The dog in your neighborhood that barks at EVERYTHING.

13. The power goes out, and you discover every flashlight you have has dead batteries.

14. Someone gets in the express lane at the supermarket and writes a check.

15. The elevator stops at every floor and nobody gets on.

16. You almost ALWAYS back up your computer files but the week you don’t, your hard drive crashes and you lose everything.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful weekend people & whatever you do, don’t forget to LAFF IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

DAILY QUOTES…

“The man of knowledge must be able not only to love his enemies

but also to hate his friends.” – Friedrich Nietzsche

Not every story has explosions and car chases. That’s why they

have nudity and espionage.” – Bill Barnes and Gene Ambaum

“I would rather be exposed to the inconveniences attending too much

liberty than to those attending too small a degree of it.” – Thomas Jefferson

“Well I was bullied at school, called all kinds of different names. But one day

I turned to my bullies and said – ‘Sticks and stones may break my bones but

names will never hurt me’, and it worked! From there on it was sticks

and stones all the way.” –Harry Hill

“Being in therapy is great. I spend an hour just talking about myself. It’s kind

of like being the guy on a date.” –Caroline Rhea

As a child my mother would always tell me not to sit so close to the TV, that

it was bad for my eyes. Now, as an adult I spend 8+ hours a

day within 2 feet of a computer screen.

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….
An area minister tells of his first Sunday in the new parish and presenting the children’s message. Seems the sanctuary in the new church had some magnificent stained glass windows, so his message centered on how each of us is called of God to help make up the whole picture of life (the life of the community of the faithful). Like the pictures in the windows, it takes many little panels of glass to make the whole picture. And then he said, “You see each of you is a little pane.” And then

pointing to each child individually, “You’re a little pane. And you’re a little pane. And you’re a little pane. And…” It took a few moments before he realized why everyone was laughing. 😱😳😁

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Do you remember me?”
“I never did her any harm. It was my right.”

Answer: Braveheart!
In this scene 13th-century English Lord Bottoms (Rupert Vansittart) is confronted by Scottish commoner Morrison (Tommy Flanagan), after Lord Bottoms is taken prisoner by the forces of William Wallace, a.k.a. Braveheart (Mel Gibson). Morrison asks line one (referring to the rape of his new bride on his wedding night by Lord Bottoms) and a scared Lord Bottoms replies with line two. When Lord Bottoms says it was his “right,” he was referring to the detestable right of prima noctae (letting the local administrators of England’s tyrannical King Edward I (sometimes called Longshanks, played by Patrick McGoohan) have first rights on a new bride’s wedding night. The king had proposed this law after saying, “The trouble with Scotland is that it’s full of Scots.” “Braveheart” tells the mostly true story of William Wallace, a commoner (although one source says he was a Scottish lord) who unites 13th-century Scotland in its battle to overthrow English rule (although documentation about the details is sketchy, at best).

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Oh, you drink coffee, don’t you?”
“I consume a couple of cups a day.”

Thursday’s Quizzler is….

Can you identify the following songs and their artists?

1) Refrain from halting, the first person, immediately.
by Female monarch.

2) Multiple timepieces.
by Low temperature, stage production.

3) Unbleached, natural sweetener.
by Perpetual motion of small rock.

4) Sugary infant, belonging to me.
by Firearms & thorny plants.

5) Refrain from remaining, on your feet, near myself.
by Poisoned insect injection.

Answer: 1) Don’t stop me now.
by Queen.

2) Clocks.
by Coldplay.

3) Brown sugar.
by Rolling stones.

4) Sweet child o’ mine.
by Guns ‘n’ roses.

5) Don’t stand so close to me.
by Sting.

Friday’s Quizzler is…….

Welcome to Crazy Cooking Catastrophes.
Today our host has decided to mix up an Antipasto Creature Feature…
Please follow these instructions carefully to unscramble [pun totally intended] the answer.

Cooking Tips:
Words like add, combine, stir in, sprinkle, garnish etc mean to add those letters to the mix.
Words like remove, drain, none left over, give, etc. mean to remove those letters from the mix.

In a bowl, combine one cup of MARMALADE with one tablespoon of OIL.
Kick MAE out of the kitchen [she’s dangerous with a whisk] then whip until frothy.

What creature will be in the bowl?

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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