Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!


WELCOME to Monday July 15, 2019

Do you recognize these well known adages? (Answers below).

1. All articles that coruscate with resplendence are not truly auriferous.

2. Sorting on the part of mendicants must be interdicted.

3. A revolving lithic conglomerate accumulates no congeries of small, green, biophytic plant.

4. Members of an avian species of identical plumage tend to congregate.

5. It is fruitless to become lachrymose of precipitately departed lacteal fluid.

6. It is fruitless to attempt to indoctrinate a superannuated canine with innovative maneuvers.

7. Surveillance should precede saltation.

8. Individuals who make their abodes in vitreous edifices would be advised to refrain from catapulting petrious

9. Where there are visible vapors having their provenance in ignited carbonaceous materials, there is conflagration.

1. All that Glitters is not Gold.  2. Beggars cannot be choosers. 3. A Rolling Stone gathers no Moss. 4. Birds of a feather flock together. 5. Don’t cry over Spilt Milk.  6. You cant teach an Old Dog new Tricks. 7. Look before you leap. 8. Those who live Glass Houses should cast no stones. 9. Where there is smoke, there will be fire. 

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Monday people & whatever you do,
don’t forget to LAFF IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman! 



“A college student in Pennsylvania is suing her school for the C+ she got in a class. She said,

‘I’m suing whoever’s responsible for this!’ And her professor said, ‘Don’t you mean WHOMEVER?'” -Jimmy Fallon

“A recent report shows that pot smokers get into fewer car crashers than drunk people. Then
again, it’s easier to see what is coming when you’re driving at 11 miles-an-hour.” -Conan O’Brien

“A restaurant here in New York has started selling a so-called ‘New Yorker milkshake’ which comes

topped with whipped cream and a slice of cheesecake. Which means the next topping you’ll get is a coffin lid.” -Seth Meyers  

“A rare fish normally found only in the Amazon was caught yesterday in a New Jersey pond.
Researchers believe the fish got to New Jersey the same way as everyone else: by giving up.” -Seth Meyers

“Facebook has just added a new tool for finding help during disasters. Unfortunately, then Facebook
shows you photos of your friends having a much better time during their disasters.” -Conan O’Brien

“A new study found that most people cant go 10 minutes without lying. But since the study took 20

minutes nobody knows what to believe.” -Jimmy Fallon
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….
I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed that I had never signed
my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the transaction
unless the card was signed. When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the
signature on the credit card with the signature I just signed on the receipt.
So I signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully compared that signature to
the one I signed on the receipt. Luckily, they matched. 😱😳😁😎

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???

“Oh, you drink coffee, don’t you?”
“I consume a couple of cups a day.”

Answer:     Summer of ’42
In this scene young teenager Hermie (Gary Grimes) has carried a bag of groceries for young war bride, Dorothy (Jennifer O’Neill), from the village to her Nantucket Island cottage. She invites him to stay for a cup of coffee and then adds line one. Hermie, trying to sound more adult, responds with line two. This movie tells the mostly true story of Hermie and two of his friends in one memorable summer on Nantucket Island. He is smitten when he first sees Dorothy and then is devastated when her husband is killed in World War II. There are two especially wonderful quotes from this movie, with the first at the very beginning: “Nothing from that first day I saw her, and nothing that has happened to me since, has ever been as frightening and as confusing. For no person I’ve ever known has ever done more to make me feel more sure, more insecure, more important, and less significant.” At the very end Hermie is reminiscing about the adventures he and his pals have had that summer and about the young war widow Dorothy: “I would never see her again. Nor would I learn what became of her.”

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???

“You don’t wanna wait for your share?”
“Naw, I’d just blow it.”

Friday’s Quizzler is….

Welcome to Crazy Cooking Catastrophes.
Today our host has decided to mix up an Antipasto Creature Feature…
Please follow these instructions carefully to unscramble [pun totally intended] the answer.

Cooking Tips:
Words like add, combine, stir in, sprinkle, garnish etc mean to add those letters to the mix.
Words like remove, drain, none left over, give, etc. mean to remove those letters from the mix.

In a bowl, combine one cup of MARMALADE with one tablespoon of OIL.
Kick MAE out of the kitchen [she’s dangerous with a whisk] then whip until frothy.

What creature will be in the bowl? 

Answer: Armadillo

Monday’s Quizzler is…….

This teaser is based on a weird but true story from a few years ago.

A complaint was received by the president of a major car company:

“This is the fourth time I have written you, and I don’t blame you for not answering me because I must sound crazy, but it is a
fact that we have a tradition in our family of having ice cream for dessert after dinner each night. Every night after we’ve eaten, the family votes on which flavor of ice cream we should have and I drive down to the store to get it. I recently purchased a new Pantsmobile from your company and since then my trips to the store have created a problem. You see, every time I buy vanilla ice cream my car won’t
start. If I get any other kind of ice cream the car starts just fine. I want you to know I’m serious about this question, no matter
how silly it sounds: ‘What is there about a Pantsmobile that makes it not start when I get vanilla ice cream, and easy to start whenever I get any other kind?'”

The Pantsmobile company President was understandably skeptical about the letter, but he sent an engineer to check it out anyway. He had arranged to meet the man just after dinner time, so the two hopped into the car and drove to the grocery store. The man bought vanilla ice cream that night and, sure enough, after they came back to the car it wouldn’t start for several minutes.

The engineer returned for three more nights. The first night, the man got chocolate. The car started right away. The second night, he got strawberry and again the car started right up. The third night he bought vanilla and the car failed to start.

There was a logical reason why the man’s car wouldn’t start when he bought vanilla ice cream. What was it?

(The hint may prove helpful)



LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at


CHECK OUT MY BOOK online at, The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store.



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