Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Wednesday July 17, 2019

RULES FOR WORK!

1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 and then bring

it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.

2. If it’s really a rush job, run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how

it’s going. That helps. Or even better, hover behind me, advising me at every keystroke.

3. Always leave without telling anyone where you’re going. It gives me a chance to

be creative when someone asks where you are.

4. If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books, or supplies, don’t open the door for me.

I need to learn how to function as a paraplegic and opening doors with no arms is good

training in case I should ever be injured and lose all use of my limbs.

5. If you give me more than one job to do, don’t tell me which is priority. I am psychic.

6. Do your best to keep me late. I adore this office and really have nowhere to go

or anything to do. I have no life beyond work.

7. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets out, it could mean a promotion.

8. If you don’t like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in

conversations. I was born to be whipped.

9. If you have special instructions for a job, don’t write them down. In fact, save them

until the job is almost done. No use confusing me with useful information.

10. Never introduce me to the people you’re with. I have no right to know anything. In

the corporate food chain, I am plankton. When you refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people & whatever you do, don’t forget to LAFF IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

DAILY QUOTES…

“A good wife always forgives her husband

when she’s wrong.” –Milton Berle

“If you enjoy your alcohol, remember this: If you put your old, rotten liver under

your pillow, the Beer Fairy will leave you a keg.” –Paul Tomkins

“There’s a new study out that says too much caffeine can cause hallucinations. I think

it’s true because I was at Starbucks today, and I hallucinated

that a cup of coffee cost $5.” -Craig Ferguson

“I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.” – W. C. Fields

“It doesn’t make a difference what temperature a room is,

it’s always room temperature.” – Steven Wright

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….

Sitting through fire safety and prevention programs can make anyone

nod off. So the instructor tried to lighten the mood by going around the

room asking where all the guests were from. “Burnt Mattress, Arkansas,”

called out the friend sitting next to me. “Burnt Mattress!” said the instructor,

suppressing a laugh. “I’ve heard some unusual town names before,

but never that one. Where’s it located?” My friend shot back,

“Right above Hot Springs.” 😱😳😁😎

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Back when I was picking beans in Guatemala, we used to make fresh coffee, right off the trees.”?

Answer: The Usual Suspects!
In the 1995 movie “The Usual Suspects” actor Kevin Spacey speaks this wonderful coffee quote. He is playing the role of Roger “Verbal” Kint, the suspicious survivor of a boat fire and is reminiscing about times past. He is in the local police station and is talking to Agent Kujan, played by actor Chazz Palminteri. This discussion is about the deplorable coffee being served at the precinct. It should not be surprising that this possibly criminal character would be thinking about his past, as there are many scientific studies that purport to show that coffee drinking helps memory retention!

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Coffee makes me nervous when I drink it. Mmm.”?

Tuesday’s Quizzler is….

I’m often seen around a lot, referred to many ways,
See me black and you may find misfortune haunts your days.
Tell a thing, that should have been kept quiet, to all around,
Then look inside the sack, there I’m no longer to be found.
Nosiness, prying, snooping, leaves me fearing, full of dread,
For all these things are likely to see me soon lying dead.
These clues combined should start to give a picture, an idea,
Of who or what I am, so can you tell me? Is it clear?

Answer:

If you thought those clues lead to a cat then happily you’re right,
For bad luck is yours when a black cat should come across your sight.
And when you reveal a secret, even though you said you wouldn’t,
You’ve let the cat out of the bag by telling what you shouldn’t.
Nosiness, prying, snooping and inquisitiveness, oh drat!
They make up curiosity, which, we all know, killed the cat!

Wednesday’s Quizzler is…….

A duke was hunting in the forest with his men-at-arms and servants when he came across a tree. Upon it, archery targets were painted and smack in the middle of each was an arrow. “Who is this incredibly fine archer?” cried the duke. “I must find him!”

After continuing through the forest for a few miles he came across a small boy carrying a bow and arrow. Eventually the boy admitted that it was he who shot the arrows plumb in the center of all the targets. “You didn’t just walk up to the targets and hammer the arrows into the middle, did you?” asked the duke worriedly. “No my lord. I shot them from a hundred paces. I swear it by all that I hold
holy.” “That is truly astonishing,” said the duke. “I hereby admit you into my service.”

The boy thanked him profusely. “But I must ask one favor in return,” the duke continued. “You must tell me how you came to be such an outstanding shot.”

How’d he get to be such a good shot?

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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