Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Friday July 19, 2019

DAFFYNITIONS:

1 ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.

2. BEAUTY PARLOR: A place where some women go to dye.

3. CHICKENS: Animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

4. COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

5. DUST: Mud with the juice squeezed out.

6. GOSSIP: A person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage.

7. INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

8. MOSQUITO: An insect that makes flies look good after all.

9. SKELETON: A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.

10. TOOTHACHE: The pain that drives you to extraction.

11. TOMORROW: One of today’s greatest labor saving devices.

12. YAWN: An honest opinion openly expressed. 😁😎

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Weekend people & whatever you do,

don’t forget to LAFF IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

DAILY QUOTES…

“According to a new study, 1 in 3 children in the United States have

divorced parents. While the other two-thirds are the only reason

their parents are staying together.” Seth Meyers

“Starbucks is going to start carrying coconut milk. If you want to stay

competitive in the coffee business you’ve got to consistently provide

your customers with new ways to make their orders more annoying.” -Jimmy Kimmel

“According to a recent survey, 12 percent of Americans say that it’s

fine to cheat a little on your taxes. While the other 88 percent know

not to talk to a guy with a clipboard asking them if they cheat on their taxes.” -Jimmy Fallon

“A new poll found that 10 percent of people post vacation photos on social

media to make others jealous, and 100 percent of people click on them

to see co-workers in a bathing suit.” -Seth Meyers

“In North Carolina, a mother is suing a daycare center because one of the

workers there breastfed her son without permission. Authorities say she doesn’t

really have a case because her son is 32.” -Conan O’Brien
“A new study found that married couples who go on double dates with other couples

are more likely to have better relationships. They say it inspires better communication

– on the ride home, when you talk about how much you hated the other couple.” -Jimmy Fallon

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….

At a clearance sale, the wife of a federal district-court judge found the perfect green tie to match one of herhusband’s sport jackets. Soon after, while the couple was relaxing at a resort complex to get his mind off a complicated cocaine-conspiracy case, he noticed a small, round disc sewn into the tie. The judge showed it to a

local FBI agent, who was equally suspicious that it might be a “bug” planted by the conspiracy defendants.

The agent sent the device to FBI headquarters in Washington, D.C., for analysis. Next week the judge phoned Washington to find out the results of their tests. “We’re not sure where the disc came from,” the FBI toldhim, “but we discovered that when you press it, it plays ‘Jingle Bells.'” 😐

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “It’s all in the grind Sizemore. Can’t be too fine, can’t be too coarse. This, my friend, is a science.”?

Answer: Black Hawk Down!

This line is from the war drama “Black Hawk Down” and is spoken by actor Ewan McGregor, who plays character John “Grimesey” Grimes. It is reflective of this desk clerks serious attitude when it cómes to his coffee. This conversation occurs in a derelict building while he is hunched over a small fire, talking to fellow soldier Sizemore, while they are out in the field. The drinking of coffee can be seen in almost every 20th century war movie.

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Coffee and cigarettes, that’s like the breakfast of champions.”

Thursday’s Quizzler is….

You awake inside a small transparent capsule sitting on the surface of Venus. From a small speaker you hear a voice that says, “We will leave you here either for a day or a year. If you choose to stay a day, we will give you $1 million. If you choose to stay a year, we will give you $2 million. Either way, you will have sufficient food and water. We will make sure the temperature is a constant 70 degrees Fahrenheit. We will also supply cable TV.”

What is your choice? (Don’t let money decide your answer).

Answer: Choose to stay one year and win $2 million. Venus takes 243 Earth days to rotate on its axis, but it takes 225 Earth days to go around the sun. On Venus a day is longer than a year.

Friday’s Quizzler is…….

Justin Case and Auntie Bellum are fellow con artists who deliver coded messages to each other to communicate. Recently Auntie Bellum was put in jail for stealing a rare and expensive diamond. Only a few days after this, Justin Case sent her a friendly letter asking her how she was. On the inside of the envelope of the letter, he hid a code. Yesterday, Auntie Bellum escaped and left the envelope and the letter inside the jail cell. The police did some research and found the code on the inside of the envelope, but they haven’t been able to crack it. Could you help the police find out what the message is?

This is the code:
llwatchawtfeclocklnisksundialcirbetimersool

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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